• UnicornForm said on Oct 12, 2009....

  You can influence her with your bright personality
   
  and pray for her
   
  talk with her more, see what bothers her and help her
   
  charge through
   
  alone  or hand in hand with you

• simplyconfused said on Oct 12, 2009....

  Unicorn - thank you. ^^ My only problem is, I've tried and been trying for so long... I don't know if anything can be done!  So this is why I have decided to ask all on soulcast for an opinion.

• UnicornForm said on Oct 12, 2009....

  np.
   
  In the end she got to want t make herself happy.
   
  no one can do that for her u know?

• Hegemone said on Oct 12, 2009....

  I'm gonna come back ... might just send you a PM on this instead.

• simplyconfused said on Oct 12, 2009....

  Uni - Your totally right.
  
  
  Hege - Take your time. ^_^

• pdestiny said on Oct 12, 2009....

  very sorry for you!
  put yr hand on yr heart,close yr eyes,pic her than ask the same question to yr self, u will knw yr answer.

• hairbrushedhubby said on Oct 13, 2009....

  Simply, I have only one answer to this, just keep on showing your love for her as a friend, and go along with what Unicorn said, Pray for her, better still get as many people you know to Pray as well, I know prayer works without a shadow of doubt.

   

• speaking_up said on Oct 13, 2009....

  I know a thing or two about suicide...
   
  Suicides become 'sick' in their thinking during a pain wave usually during TRAUMA.  It is a coping problem -- a coping problem that becomes a habit.  Ideation of suicide is comforting to a suicide, whether they mean to really die or not.
   
  Contrary to mental health periodicas, suicide is rarely or NOT a mental illness.  It is a coping method.  Much like a druggie who NEEDS to put chemical in his body, much like the alcoholic who is committing suicide slowly and insiduously hidden.  Anorexia, bulimia, cutters, obese people, SMOKERS, speeders, drunk drivers, etc ad nausea - all can be considered 'suicides.'   Labelling these sick people suicides is denied by society because the death is not instant and so it looks like an accident, or freak mistake.  Or just something we don't understand. 
   
  Make no mistakes.
   
  Scientists have yet connected the dots...people die of their affliction instanty or slowly...whatever as desired, but they do die at their own hands.  This is suicide - be immediate or slow. 
   
  We all know suicidals die at their own hands, only theirs is wide open and easier to diagnose.  Only a fraction of suicides are documented as suicides.  We call the other slow method deaths other things, but it is what it is when we do things to hurt our bodies and health...create death at our own hands.
   
  Finally, no one  can save a suicide any more than any one can save a drug addict.  Only that person can ask for and get the help they need...and they will usually only do this during their remission stage.  During the pain wave seeking out help is not comforting...just like a drug addict who needs his meth NOW decides to seek help.  Not likely going to happen, is it?
   
  My best friend knows I am a suicide.  My events are becoming rarer because I am entering into remission help when I feel better and my coping is improving during my pain waves.  Anyway, my friend knows without a doubt that my suicide ideation has nothing to do with her, or anyone.  The thoughts are sick and to ask a suicide to be more reasonable is as effective a asking a SMOKER to quit right now.  You cant do it.  You cant change their comforting habit formed coping method.  If I ever did die of suicide my friend will be able to carry on in her life guilt free.  She is the one person I could convince of this.
   
  Talking about it brings relief.  It is not a cry for help...it is a simple need in some people to share their need for their drug of choice.  Like AA or NA...a suicide A is very much called for...they need to talk, listen, and learn new coping skills.
   
  Talking about it is (rarely) about manipulating people.   But it does happen.  These manipulators will seek out caretakers whom they have already zoned in as suseptable to other people's pain.  Caretakers thrive on looking after others and manipulating suicides will find you and suck the very life out of YOU.  A person who engages in this kind of suicide talk with willing drama reacting caretakers are called another thing - psychopaths.  Beware of psychopaths, but they are rare breeds and NOT suicides at all.
   
  WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP?
   
  1.  Listen
  2.  Remain calm
  3.  Refrain from dramatic reaction
  4.  Remind the person waves of pain always pass
  5.  Call for 'warehousing' help if necessary (hospitalization) until the ideation passes (remember, they will likely be drugged for long periods of time due to the doctor's own fears...and the drugs can be more harmful to a quality of life than any suicide thought.
  6.  Learn or practice HOW TO INCORPORATE YOUR boundaries.  If you find your quality of life is suffering because of someone else's problem you have issues you need to work on yourself.  Do it, do it for your sake.
   
  Well, I could yak on all day but I'll leave it alone now.  I'll leave you with this, people are committing suicide in droves by many types of means.  None of us are Godly enough to save any of them.  The best we can do is plant seeds of hope for that person's future.  Listen without getting into their hole, and talk to them about future events; and the pain wave will leave your friend faster.
   
  SPEAKING UP

• Mr.Strange said on Oct 13, 2009....

  Rather then viewing your friend as troubled just try to be a friend.
  Just talk, go for a walk, share some food.
  
  
  Being kind and genuine with someone will help them far more,
  Then someone paid to hear them whine.

• simplyconfused said on Oct 13, 2009....

  pdestiny - Thank you. ^_^
  
  
  hairbrushedhubby - I will, and thank you. ^_^
  
  
  speakingup - that was extremely helpful.  I know I can't take it all away, that would just suck the soul out of me.  But I really just wanted to know on what is the best things TO do for somebody like this.  Thank you. ^_^
  
  
  Mr.Strange - I do, whenever she is in a depressed rut and talking to me it makes me think on what I SHOULD do to help.  I'll always listen and be there etc.  Thank you ^_^

• wombat said on Oct 13, 2009....

  (Wow.  I got a lot of insight out of speaking up's response.  Thanks.)

  I don't know if your friend falls into the "serious about it" category, or the "coping method" category---or maybe somewhere in between?

  Either way, there isn't much you can do except either be there for support or not.  But you can't hold yourself responsible for whatever happens.  I'm lucky that my closest contact is not an enabler---quite the opposite.  He jokes me out of my mood, suicide gestures and spur of the moment threats.

  An ex boyfriend once gave me a gun and said, "Go for it."  (it was worse than that, but I won't go into details)

  Some reading this might be surprised that I am in the "coping method" category, having moved up from the "serious about it" one from a long time ago.

  I just never had it spelled out so clearly before!  Maybe you could show your friend speaking up's comments?  Along with a really good conversation about the realities of such thinking?

  I started to delete this whole comment, but changed my mind.  If there is even a chance that something I said might help, then it's worth leaving. 

• simplyconfused said on Oct 13, 2009....

  wombat - Thank you for not deleting your comment, it actually helps to get any insight at all.  Thank you. ^_^

• nammiev said on Oct 15, 2009....

  
  Simply, I have found all of the previous comments very intresting. I'm currently fighting my own battle with depression and have recently started counselling, which as of yet i have barely touched the surface with, but one thing i would like to share with you is that the first nurse i saw said to me - when you start counselling and going back through everything it will be aweful and to start off with you will feel worse, but once you get through that, you will never want to feel like this again, and you will get through it.

  I was taken in to a hospital recently after trying to commit sucide, and i still constantly feel and think that it would be better if i wasnt here and that dying is the only way out. But there are a few things that keep me going, such as my little brother who will shortly be two and if i was to do it he would never know who i am. But this doesnt make it any easier it just makes you cope, and i find that keeping yourself busy as appose to sitting and thinking is better, but sometimes it is hard when you are feeling low to find the motivation to contact anyone yourself, or even make a quick trip to the shop, i recently told a friend who i meet about 3 years ago whilest i was working abroad and although we dont live near each other and havent seen each other in about 2 years we have kept in touch since we left france.

   Any way slightly distracted from what i was going to say then, I recently told her what i had tried to do and everything and she burst out crying down the phone to me and that was the first time it really hit home, and since i have opened up and told her she has also helped me, she has told me i can contact her 24/7 and offered her house to me anytime i want, she also keeps in contact regularly, and i just talk to her all the time, she sees all sides of me and truely loves me no matter what, sometimes the fear of what people will think of you stops you from opening up to anyone so you keep it inside and things continue to spiral out of your control, If they are a truely close friend then they should be able to open up to you, let them, but also take time for yourself do not burden yourself with someone elses problems if you do not think you can truely help them or will leave them strandid half way through, this could be even more damaging than not helping at all,

  Depression is one of the scariest illnesses that i have ever had to deal with so far in my life, and it terrifies me that sometimes i do not feel in control of my own mind. How do you sit there and look your mother or father or brother or sister or lover in the eye and tell them that you have a mental illness? That your brain is not functionally normally and you need pills just to help you cope with the general day-to-day of life? I dont have the answers and i dont kw them, But i am sure that it will soon become clear and i have shared this with you today in the hope that it may help someone who is in a similar position to me, because i feel so sorry for anyone who feels like this and would love to help in any way that i can. hope to hear from you soon, you can message me anytime xxx

• speaking_up said on Oct 15, 2009....

  You are on the right track sweetie, I always find helping others the best medicine ever...it takes our minds off ourselves!
   
  ((((hugs))))

• simplyconfused said on Oct 16, 2009....

  nammiev- Thank you!  This is exactly what I wanted was some insight of sort.  It helps me so very much.  I am sorry you have to deal with depression and the pills.  I to have depression and have anti-depressants.  However I am steadily on the road to getting better.  I can't lie, and I'm not boasting but I know I'm a strong person.  However, it doesn't mean it's easy.  Thank you for commenting and opening your inbox to me ^_^
  
  
  speaking_up - Thank you! ^_^  It can be, I just have to find the balance between helping others and helping myself!  **squishy hugs!**

• WriterCarlDobbs said on Oct 18, 2009....

  Hello.  I am 53, a father of 4. 
  I have seen it all and have experienced severe, chronicdepression over much of my life.  It is a disease which has origins.  It also has cures.
   
  Suicidal depression. like your friend has, is extremely serious and must be handled by professionals.  It is not to be taken lightly.  Suicidal people have, what I see as, a reveral in their instinct to live.  It is an instinct for death and it is sought after.  If your friend doesn't get help these subconscious, and now conscious, forces can cause her to make fatal mistakes - entring traffic and dying - just because the brain and mind tells here to.  These drives have a way of fulfilling themselves.  It can take a stong will to resist them.
   
  It may be a simple call for help.  It may be a serious brain disorder.
   
  How these brain disorders occur are varied.  If you look up "epigenetics" on the net you'll find that lack of coddleing as a baby causes depression.  So can the experiences of grandparents, whether or not they suffered famine, for instance, change the way  your body will respond to their genetic code. 
  
  I wont' get into too much detail but you have to know this science is very well developed and your friend may only be yielding to a predisposition for depression and can turn around with proper therapy.
   
  My depression, and the cause of it, will not be discussed here except it was from tragic experiences in early childhood.  Just know that there is hope and she has to understand that DEPRESSION IS A LIE.  It is your brain telling you to feel bad.  That's all that it is.  It is a LIE and she must understand that there is no such reality.  It is to be ignored and fought like an enemy.  She must resist it and work against it.  Only then can her brain regain balance.  That is the key.
  Remember.  Emotion is a part of the central nervous system.  It is not a reality in itself.  It is not tangible.   Your brain is presenting emotions to you to interpret and, like an optical illusion fools you into seeing things that aren't there, the brain can create irrational emotions.  Give into them and they are reinforced.  Reject them and they demnish.  Your friend must realize that she, not her brain, is ultimately in control.  It is tragically hard to do when depression makes her think emotionally and has a hard grip on her.  Just know that 1 out of 50 people in the US has chronic depression and over 5 million doses of antidepressants are taken every day.  She is not lost, only untreated.

• WriterCarlDobbs said on Oct 18, 2009....

  I have one more comment.  Go to dailystrength.com and look under the category of Depression.  Here people vent their emotions and are comforted by others.  your friend can get a lot of hugs from there.  It is a great site.

• speaking_up said on Oct 18, 2009....

  Writer...you have some very interesting points.  I'm a little concerned about your faith in the medical community to treat or cure depression, however.  Most if not all of the medication handed out like candy are killing people in droves.  Often a drug will be pulled away because of the serious side affects not known prior to having a patient swallow it.  I am most aware of the 'brain medication' to treat 'real brain imbalances' but have yet to see an xray or blood test to show this explaination of depression.
   
  And counseling?  Forget about it...counseling has become less and less favored way of treating people - who often just need to be heard based on trauma (childhood or recent).
   
  I know what of I speak, just read some of my mental health blogs and see what the good doctors did to  me during my traumas.
   
  Too many pills, too little time for counseling, and voodoo science has turned me right off of the mental health system and now I focus on trying to break the bad habits I have formed that make me feel sick in the head.
   
  Anyway, I'm not disagreeing with much of what you say (and good link); but had to re-add some of my views on the subject of mental illness.  And, I'll say it again, suicide idiation is NOT a mental illness - it is a reaction to something far too big for that person to handle...the strongest drugs, however, are handed out to the suicides for some reason.  Long term brain meds are dangerous to our central nervous system (I am now off all anti-depressants, but must take central nervous system drugs 3 times a day (1800 mg) to stop the nerve pain.).  Since it seems to be working for me I will continue to take these drugs...but I do not know the effects when I go off.  Neither do the doctors.
   
  Again, good post.

• simplyconfused said on Oct 18, 2009....

  writer - thank you ^_^  the points you bring up are good, and I will for sure send the link to my friend after I check it out to. =p  It's greatly appreciated ^_^
  
  
  speaking - Thank you yet again!  This -again- is exactly what I needed to help, views, points, facts, experiences... Thank you! =D

• nammiev said on Oct 24, 2009....

  Speaking- I am curious as to your experience of depression, if you know me on here iam currently figthing a battle of my own,
  My issue that i have at the moment is that i don't know what is causeing my sadness?
  Which then upsets me even more because how can you, try to understand an emtion your feeling when you have no idea why you are feeling like you are, It's like occasionally for maybe up to 4 hours i will go in to a really happy bubbly excitable mood and i won't even be able to sit down so ill just dance around my room or something, but then when i stop feeling happy, I spiral out of control and i can seem to go from thinking that the world is fine, to wanting this to stop sooo badly because i can't control it, that i would rather end my struggle now, How do i know it will get better for me?
  It doesn't for everybody, So i've become scared of doing most things.
  Incase something happens while i am doing it which severally changes my mood!!
   
  Also i kw i have kind of gone of track a bit here, but anyone else feel free to comment xx

• speaking_up said on Oct 26, 2009....

  Sweetie; now that you have explained a little bit about how your depression works please 'google' or do a search on RAPID CYCLE BI-POLAR disorder.  I was diagnosed with this once (wrongly...but my blogs will explain why if you care to read about my experiences with the fucking (pardon me) medical community.  I was diagnosed wrongly but there is such a disorder, and there is medication to help stop the ups and downs that come so rapidly for you.
   
  Most of all, my message to you, is to work on yourself and not depend on any one or any instituation to save you.  Only you can save yourself in the long run.  Who do you hang out with?  What do you do all day?  For me, I had to let go of the people who caretake me too much because then I never learn to be a woman as I am suppose to be.  Also, I am taking babysteps - going out and not isolating so much.  think of things you LOVE to do, and do it...slowly ,... but at least take steps FORWARD to ensure you move in the right direction. 
   
  Rapid Cycle Bi-polar disorder is quite exhausting and very much a friend remover...people don't know how to deal with the mood swings so much.  i don't blame them. 
   
  AWARENESS *  PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY  *  EDUCATE YOURSELF  *  SEE A DOCTOR AND BE HONEST  *  SELF CONTROL  *  BABY STEPS  *  LET GO OF CARETAKERS, --------------------- SUCCESS

Comment on "I need advice."

Currently tagged	depressed friend suicidal advice Ask yrself suicide i hope this helps Dobbs (Click to add tags below)
Tag this post	(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Your comment
	Comment Anonymously