I am watching him sleep. Then i realize that the only time I am ok is when I am with him . Every day that I have to be away from him is a struggle a cry and to wonder where he is and what he is doing and if this career is worth all those precious moments when he makes me laugh, or cry or smile.
I dont want to miss any more special moments or occasions and I do not want to sleep without him anymore, not ever, not even for one night. Then i realize that if i do this it would be easy to run away forget the 3.5 years and thousands of dollars I put into a career I do not even know that I want, and still to be here every day not missing those moments seems worth it.
 Why then, is it only me that feels this way. This relationship has been cheating and lying and broken promises and disappointments, why is it i still love him. Maybe because I know the person he became is not actually him, and that I hope we were just finding a balance in this relationship. Maybe because it is wishful thinking on my part, but I sure hope not.
I do not know anything. What I do know is that here in this second, watching his chest rise and fall, seeing his sweet face, all the mistakes he made and all the pain i suffered is worth it. I know that if I know nothing else in this world I do know that I will fight until I can not fight anymore to be with this man and to make this thing work.
Now the only problem is how to get through the rest of school and keep this tie strong. The answer, lots and lots of money spent on plane tickets when we could have been travelling to exotic foreign countries, countless sleepless nights of crying and feeling lonely and a promise that I will get to be with him all day every day, some day. If that fails I also fail at life because he is everything I have wanted and if I lose him, I have nothing.