First off I just wanted to let everyone know I'm still here. I have been so busy and my body is having trouble keeping up lol.  Before I really get into to this blog I wanted to make it clear that this entry proubly will end up kinda messy and all over the place but at the same time it's going to include pretty much everything on my mind maybe a bit summarized though. 

 

Right now my husband is picking up his check at one of his jobs and picking up a pregancy test.  The test is of course for me.  I' was told I shouldn't try at least right now to have a child.   At the same time my chances of pregancy with unprotective sex is pretty much zero.   I'm late though and things just aren't right.  I'm not sure if Imentioned this before but my husband and I have been together 6 years as of sept. 29 that just passed.  We;'ve only been married a lil over a year now.  I've been with a few guys like I have said and never worried about protection.  With that said though I am clean on any sti/stds.  I get checked regualry for the entire list of em.  I don't care if you might think I am dirty now I know I'm not and I have noreason to lie here so think w/e if you must.  ANyway the point is I've yet to get pregnant.

 

Moving on to something else.  I'm all for a threesome with another girl.  I'm B.I and it of course would be with another B.i  women.  Last night something happened here though and I don't know how I feel but it's not a good feeling.  My bestfriend who I am also working for is B.I, and we have kissed before.  Nothing else though at the time of that we both had bf's and gf's lol. Our bf's were bestfriends too they still are kinda.  Anyway I don't knwo how it happened but My husband is always htting on her aloung with everyone of my friends.  We had a water fight in our apartment ended up almost naked and him fingering her and her playing with him all kinds of stuff.  It's like a blur.  I wasn't in the mood for any of it.   I'm not even a lil attracted to my bestfriend either.  She's okay looking.  Size 15 36b around my height I guess with blondeish hair.  Shes okay but it's just not there for me you know what I mean...  I really don't see the fuss they see in her either.  She even gets more fuss then me but that may or may not be because I'm married and taken lol.  Around here though in such a small town where the male to female ratio well just say theres no females in this area hardly lol.  SO maybe that plays in.  Bit idk don't really care I'm just not the jeolse type I'm more trying to figure out what they see lol.  I'm not saying shes unattrative either!  Shes pretty shes my bestfriend like I said to.  I'm not some runway model myself either lol.  From what ppl say about me well some say I could be an awesome stripper.  One of our bestfriends my girlfriends ex husband actually he would pay me 100$ to clean his place in maids outfit lol .  I'm not doing it but we were joking aorund bout.  I've had lots of guys all pretty good looking or hott as hell :).  Lets see I'll be with a group of friends maybe three girls amoung us.  Out of all of them some randokm guy will buy me a drink but they never get one bought for them.  I'm just trying tio paint of picture of myself to everyone.  I guess I'm borderline hot I wuldnt consider myself hot but alot of my guy and girl friends do I just don't see that I'm ok I'm pretty.  I guess when I go get my makeup professional done though then I consider myself hot as hell ;). But a normal day with normal makeup nothing fancy I'm alright I'm not the girl you have to be wasted to do thats for sure if you are theres nothing wrong with it im just saying.   Anyway back to before nothing more happened then touching and a bit of him sucking on her breasts.  I was a little jeolse last night just because my husband bailed on all our plans we had for the night because she came over for what was suppose to have been just amin to discuss work.  SHe stayed hours though thanks ot him.  SO our plans without ne discussions were ruined.  There was that the fact he was just trying to get me naked so that she would get naked she said she would if I did first.  Thats the water fight they soaked me so i had to change.  So I wasn't to happy there either.  Lastly I asked for a back rub all of a sudden because I started getting some really bad pain in the side of my neck that I had early in the morning maybe a thyroid issue and no I dont have a huge goiter out my neck..  SO he rubbed it a few mins then she wanted one and that lasted for at least 30 mins with no complainig from him  versus the continuous complaing he gave me.  Thats pretty much the story I'm tore up over the fact I felt invisible all night.  I'm not mad at my bestfriend either.  I'm a little curious though about some things.  See theres another couple with another one of her bestfriend in that relationship. and the girl in the couple just recently started absolutley hating  my bestfriend.  my bestfriend was even their matron also I know it's cause she's jeolse of her  but I wonder if something like what happened here last night happened at their house too maybe.  The guy in that relationship is the bestfriend and an old friend of mine as well.  I know he is in love with her and his wife.  That relationship is gonna be over soon were all pretty sure tho.  My bestfriend may  be the ending part but that relationship ne way everyone knew was doomed. maybe another day ill explain more on them idk lol.  So idk how I feel or y.  I want a threesum I do, but that wasn't the time, the person, or anything for it.  Proubly in a week we'll be over it and I'll be using it to turn my husband on even more idk.  It's not a turn on to me at all just wasnt there for me like I said never will be I hate to say.

So we had a bad fight over all of it last night.  I' tried to leave my husband too over it.  Everything that happened just wasn't appropriate n I was invisble to both of them.  My husband brought up the guy I cheated on him with most recently too as a way of hitting back at me you know.  and im tlaking about the guy i feel in love with thats not my husband. 

 

I guess I should update on that.  He;s with someone else now.  I'm not jeolse at all.  The girl he's with is bad news though.  I went to school with her and knew her well then.  She was a bitch n always n fights.  Now my husband knows her a differant way.  For onemy husband works with the new girlfriend's baby's daddy's sister.  If thatmakes sense.  From that we've been told and this is rumor.  The girl has an std and never sees her kids.  She doesnt have custody and when she has visitation she never goes.   Were almost postive its all true  other ppl of no connection say the same exact things about the girl.  Like I said I knew her back in school and I could see all that being true.  I believe the rumor so much that theres never going to be another time with the guy.  That kinda hurts. I know the relationship isn't going to last but the girls dirty Idk why he's with her but our guess was its for sex.  When we were talking bout her to the guy he said shes changed since h.s shes a lil better he really didnt stand uip for her at all but he couldnt defend things that he knows are true.  We were just saying we don't have a proublem with them dating but that we don't want her over at our house.  Which reminds me of the other day.  We went about 30 mins away to our bestfriends house my ex girlfriends ex husbands house to do laundry.  THe guy was suppose to come aloung to hang out cause we introduced them and they like each other so he was gonna come hang out.  I ask him the night before if were on for tommrow and he asks if she can come.  We knew they were dating but he hadn't told us yet.  I said no and it didn't even have anything to do with the fact it was her.  We didn't have room in our car since I did 10 loads of laundry in a big machine no less.  But she got on his phone then and texted me why can't I come over too and she said some other stuff I should remember but I dont.  wtf were going to a friends house to do laundy Im not gonna invite someone to someone else house thats rude as hell to me.  I wish I remembered what else she said cause my husband n I were just n shock over it as was a friend that happened to be over.  What she was rude but I nicely explained when i texted her back that were going to do laundry at a friends house and we won't have any room for anyone else.  SOmething like that I said but I said it nicely.  She texted back she said hed take a rain check.  that message had alot of typos but that what we made it out as.  I'm starting to think though that the guy might have some seroius mental issues more then we all tohught and that includes him.  He' knows he has proublems but more and more I'm seeing things that are really bad and makes me glad I didn't leave my husband for him.  I still want to be friends with him though but he's treating us like crap lately.  He gets mad and won't come over even if we;ve had the plan over a week if someone else can't come usually.  He does this everythime ne more.  It's differant ppl to all the time and includes mainly underagers and ppl for drug deals.  He doesn't understand that we don't want that icrap n our house.  Don't get me wrong I'm 420 friendly or w.e lol but I don't do the whole drug dealing n I don't want it done in my house either not even if they will smoke an 8th with me.  I don't care about weed as much as most ppl do apparently.  I don't want to go to jail lol.  THe guy seems to have his own reality and you can't tell him differently.  We told him abut what we have heared about that std sti she has.  He said were clean both got checked.  I know for a fact they didn't get checked and that now they are both dirty.  I want to add I don't look down on ppl for having things like that.  Sometimes a guy or girl has it and has sex with someone withut telling then they had it.  SOmetimes the first person do't even know they have it and the cycle goes on.  The cases where I look down on you is if you lie about it or hide it and if your just plain a dirty person bad hygene that type of thing.   One thing I won't do at all is have sex with someone who has something.   Nothing against them I just don't want to risk getting it.  If I wasn't with my husband and met someone who did have something and we feel in love well I wouldn't have sex with them until marriage.  I'd rather not go down that road ever but it could happen.  ppl with std's deserve love too.  Not the dirty ppl like I said but the one who have everything going for themm but that I'd take the plunge if I knew the relationship would last our lives 99.999% sure and we were together long enough before getting married to know that its gonna last.  Hopefully I'll just never have to deal with it though.  well I'm gonna update some more next chance I have but I gtg lol I could really use some comments some loving lol.