a job's a job, right? so why do i care so much about this one? okay, so i don't really care about the job, i guess it's just some attatchment to the people that i feel; it's almost as if i'm betraying them by leaving and that's much too strong of an emotion to be feeling towards anything that has to do with the mall. it's the freakin' mall. the teenagers bug me, the kids that rip things off the walls, the rude and bitter parents, all of it bothers me. not to mention the crowds. i HATE crowds, and i decided to take a job at the mall? what the hell was i thinking? not that it's been that horrible. i could be flipping burgers, i know. and i am an assistant manager, and believe it or not that actually makes things easier. and to make matters worse, someone from my past popped her ugly little head in to remind me that i wasn't going anywhere in life. sure, i should shrug it off and say, "ha! don't throw stones in glass houses!" but the truth of the matter is, sometimes i feel she's right (the bitch). i'm not where i want to be, but in san diego, trying to find a job you both love and that pays well is near impossible. if it pays well, all you do is complain because you hate it, and if you love it, you're struggling to make ends meet every month. or you like over 70% of us and doing both. i've been sending resumes out on monster.com and into all the various company websites that look interesting, but really, a big part of me is terrified of starting over. i think that the only reason why i'm still at this job is because i don't want to leave and find out i left for something that was a lot worse than what i originally had. and that frustrates the hell out of me. i should just bite the bullet. i'm young and could use all the experience i can get, but i can't help but have that naive dream of finding the perfect job without even trying. tomorrow i've got a meeting on top of cramming in 30hrs/wk plus the 12 units i'm taking. we also have inventory on saturday and i'm really starting to feel like the walls are closing in, which is incredibly sad for someone my age. the worst part is, after this is written, all i'm going to do is get on WoW for an hour or two, finish my pepsi, and crash. that's it. i'm 21 and those are my nights because with a job like this you can barely hope to get a schedule a week in advance. i should be looking, but i'm not. and i think the fact that i completely comprehend the desperation of my plight, but still don't care enough to do anything about it, is a hole lot sadder than the plight itself. wow, bummer.