More or less tonight, I told my dad that I would in fact be choosing my mom over this whole side of the family. I informed him that about two
or three months after my husband gets his next job (most likely middle
of next year) we will be looking seriously to move out whether he has
another job or not. Oh, speaking of him having a job, here's a tidbit
for you:
Dad: Do you know why I'd have to sell this house (my grandma's house
that's been in the family since it was built years and years ago)?
Me: Because you ran out of money.
Dad: Why would I run out of money?
Me: Because you don't have a job. (Silently thinking: And you piss all your money away on beer and cigarettes and fast food.)
Dad: Why else?
Me: Because you've got a mortgage on the house you have to pay, and
you wouldn't be able to. Because mom got money from you in the
divorce. (Silently thinking: Which was the least of what she could
have gotten considering the years of abuse from you, two attempted
murders, and leaving behind her only child and all of her possessions.)
Dad: And see, that's what this is all about. Your mother screwed me.
This is all about the money. This is her fault. If I have to sell
your grandmother's house, this will be all her fault and here you are
talking to her and being nice.
I won't tell you where the conversation went from there. It was ugly.
The whole night was ugly. Then, the bastard had the audacity to ask me
to go buy him food and beer when I told him I was leaving to go for a
drive because I was pissed. I said yes to the food, on the condition
that he might not get it because I didn't know when I'd be done and I
had no intentions of hurrying back for his dinner. The beer I
completely refused, because I know that was his way of trying to
control me and how long I was out. Don't think he cared for it, but I
don't care.
He more or less spent the whole night telling me what a piece of shit my mom was. I admit, about five minutes in I went to auto answer mode and stopped arguing with him in a lot of places ... until it got to be too much. Also I need to add, my husband did stick up for me a bit when my dad tried pulling him into it and asked him nastily 'So what do you think?' And my husband said 'I completely agree with her.' My dad didn't ask him much after that. My husband also told me, before falling asleep, 'Don't worry, I AM going to get us out of here.' It was comforting, but also, I just wish it could be sooner.
Yeah, definitely going into supreme lock down. No expenditures, no Christmas, no splurges, nothing. Money is the object. Saving it all and getting the living hell out of here. I have to, because things are growing even more volatile now that it's involved the rest of the family.
Why must I pay for my mother finally being brave enough to get the hell away from such an abusive, horrible person?
What is wrong with these people?
Hegemone posted on Oct 07, 2009
| views: 85
Comments
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PAPERBACKWRITER said on Oct 08, 2009....
I am so sorry you have to deal with your father and his behaviour, Heggies. Even though, I am a hopeless believer in the good of people and their ability to change, it breaks my heart to think your father is trapped in the darkness of `hate´ he is shutting himself in.
I have always been skimming your blogs, my apologies if I have not made my presence known, and hoping for a mini-miracle to hasten your moving out of the house.
I admire your strength, really I do.
Always sending you good thoughts, dearest friend. So happy that hubby is giving you support. It makes such a difference to not carry the load alone.
-
wishyouwerehere said on Oct 08, 2009....
Hege - You are in a very stressful situation and doing your best to make it better. Although it won't change overnight, give yourself credit for working towards the goal, ok?Big hugs - Wishy -
CreativeWoman said on Oct 08, 2009....
Don't let him blame you for how his relationship with your mom ended.
You need out of there sooner than later.
There are government grants available for housing. If I can help you wade through the links...or anything...let me know. (You usually don't have to pay grants back.)
Here's a legitimate website to get you started.
CW
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simplyconfused said on Oct 08, 2009....
You need out. There is no reason your mother should be getting so much shit for doing such a brave thing. It would of been so hard to do! **Squishy Hugggz* -
Blackmyst said on Oct 08, 2009....
I hope you are able to accomplish what you intend to do. I am sorry you are dealing with such a stressful home life. I wish you and your husband the best in your efforts to find a new home. Good luck and may God bless and guide you. -
Hegemone said on Oct 09, 2009....
Paper - Oh you don't know what joy it gives me to see you drop in, especially in such a emotionally erratic time for me. I think it's terribly sad that my dad is wallowing in all the hatred and negativity. He could do and be so much more if he'd just let some of it go and even try, in the tiniest way, to move on as opposed to being drug along by life. I, however, can't do much about that, so yes, I'm going to move on, and my husband and I are striving to move out and get away from this wreckless entity that has become my dad and his family. It's just not fair to expect me to go down with the whole ship when the ship is looking to sink. Also, you are right in that it felt so nice to know my husband is there. I have to admit that I was sort of surprised by the relief and comfort I actually felt just by my husband saying those words. Definitely exemplifies that KNOWING something and HEARING it out loud are two different things entirely.
Wishy - Definitely true that I'm working hard to make things better, even if it's not the way others want it to be, it will be better in the end. I'm not going to give it up for anything, that's for sure. I want to be out of this house, and I want to have a chance to actually get along with these people instead of feeling like it's one big fight, or one big fight waiting to happen.
CW - Thank you, and no, I don't intend on letting him blame me for what happened between he and my mother. I know it's all on him, and as I was talking to my mother, I think the real problem right now is that I can not say the things that are the truth to him. I can't call him on the ugly things he says and tell him WHY he's wrong ... because it would bring up a cataclysmic episode that I don't need right now. Moving out is the only option, the only way and the only goal right now. It's been as such for months now, and it's kicked into high gear a couple of months ago, and it's kicking into higher gear even now as I type. I think getting some links would be entirely helpful. I do try to search for things like that, but I either get to a dead end and find out we're not eligible, or I just run out of ideas of what to search for. Thank you so much for the link to get me started. I'm going to check it out tomorrow morning when I've got a fresh mind for that sort of thing. Right now I'm just a tired mush. :-)
Simply - Definitely agree with you in that I need out. I think it would allow for the dust to settle and there to be some amicability about the whole situation. Further, even if things would still turn to an argument, at least I can get away. I could go home, which would not mean going to my bedroom in the same house, but going completely away to my own house (or apartment, or whatever, lol).
Black - Thank you so much for the well wishes. I too hope that things can soon be resolved and everybody can be in a better place and situation. I'd sleep a whole lot easier for sure.
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