Head games?  That's what my dad tells me it is...    I tell myself that he really loves me and will come back...  Lying to myself i guess.. maybe..

My ex boyfriend is... I don't understand.  It's been nearly a month since he broke up with me and he said he's never going back..  I'm still hanging on.. really badly.  But I don't understand what he's doing...

He comes over and talks to me all the time, even picks me up sometimes and carries me, and he says that he likes being able to be friends with me.  He likes being able to talk to me.

Whenever I ask him why, he replies vaguely.  An answer like "why not?".

He was really rude to me today on MSN.  He said it was a joke...  and maybe it was... but he was saying stuff like "you're bugging me"   and blocking me and then coming back online :S   and he says it's a joke and that he found it funny.. but..

I got really infuriated so I said  "Ok, you've just lost your best friend"....
and then..
He says "No.  I already explained it to you. it was a joke"
I say "K."
So he says "bye"    .. i guess angry at me..

I send him an offline message saying :

"I'm not working out stuff between us anymore... if you want to be friends or if you want to talk, make a move.   You lost me.  "

Two minutes later, to my immense surprise, he says "Lets talk"
and then he works it out.. and says he's sorry...
he's never made a move like that before ..

Why would he bring me back if we are broken up?    Why does he want me to stay?    Why is he afraid to lose me totally if we are broken up?   and he's the one that said he doesn't want it again?!

Please.  I'm so confused...  I know I should just say "No.  I can't talk to you anymore.  I can't be friends right now"   .....   but I'm afraid to let go.  I love him soooo much...   

I tried last night to do that ... i sent him a text saying i had to tell him something.  He says "ok" and then.... the message wouldnt send after trying about five times to send the same message.. even re-typing it..   So I call him to tell him I can't talk to him anymore or be friends and I'm greeted with:

"Hey, you had to call? *laughs* I was just about to ask you to call, actually"   .. totally happy sounding delicious warming voice I know..

I say what I want to... but somehow... it ends up that him and I talk for an hour and a half on the phone about anything and everything...   even though I told him that I still have this hope he's coming back and that I'm not sure if we should talk...

How is he okay with that..?   Why is he afraid to lose me...?    I love him.