• Hegemone said on Oct 07, 2009....

  All right, first, I applaud you for realizing that it may be financially irresponsible for you two to try to have another child.  Don't stretch yourselves too thin, it won't be any good.  I am watching my SIL and her husband do that now.  They got pregnant, had one child, and three months after that one they were pregnant with the next.  My SIL already had a ten year old.  Now he's out of a job, she can't work because they can't afford child care and he doesn't want his children to be 'foster babies'.  They can barely pay their bills, and honestly, more often than not, they simply overdraft their account to make ends meet.  They've had to lie their ways out of $2000 overdraft fees multiple times.  It isn't worth it, and it's not good to be that stressed while you're trying to take care of your children.  Once you are at a place that you feel you could financially swing it, all right, that makes sense to consider it, but if you feel you can't now ... don't.
  
  Moving on, about the IUDs.  I've heard many good things about them.  My SIL actually did have one put in.  They're painless, she didn't even feel it when her doc put it in, in fact she was talking while he did it and asked 'Let me know before you do it.' and he laughed and said he already had.  She did well with it, she didn't have any weird reactions, and she actually said she felt better in relation to a few different things (that I can't remember right now, sorry).  From what she told me, it lasts something like five years, and then it can take up to a year for your body to be ready to reproduce again once it's out.  I think it sounds quite ideal, just because it's not permanent, but it gives you plenty of time.  You're right in that you can have it out any time you want also, because my SIL did take hers out a few months ago because they somehow got it in their mind that they want another kid, even though they can barely keep food in all of their mouths now.
  
  As far as only children, ha, well, I AM an only child.  I have/had friends all through growing up.  I had a few really close friends who FELT like siblings ... well, one of them turned into my husband, but our brotherly/sisterly feelings stopped when puberty hit, lol.  Still, his brother and his sister feel like my siblings.  They drive me nuts, but at the same time I love 'em.  I don't know intimately how having blood siblings feels, but I also don't feel like I've missed out.  My parents did the best they could with me, and I never doubted that I was loved even once.  I never felt upset for not having siblings either.  Honestly, ha, I'm sort of glad I don't.  However, that's not to say an only child might not go through a phase of really wishing they had a sibling, but that doesn't mean you're letting them down if you don't do it, they'll get over it.  I personally like to think I've grown up quite well and that I'm not all so bad.  So being an only child isn't a bad thing.  I feel pretty close with both of my parents ... even ... shudder ... my dad.  Especially with my mom.  I'd kill for her.
  
  If you have any other questions ask, lol.  I wasn't expecting to really have a lot to say just from reading the title of the post, but hey, lol, who knew?
  

• uniquely-ironic said on Oct 07, 2009....

  Do any of you guys know anything about the IUD?  It's an option, but there are other long term options that might be better.  I find it incredibly insulting that your doctor blew your request for an IUD off.  I'd be tempted to find another doctor that respects my wishes.

   

  And what are your thoughts on second babies?  Well, I have two, so I am obviously biased.  But I don't think you need to rush into having another child.  You're both young and have plenty of time.  My only thought is that you not do anything permanent right away and give it a few years.  Mine are 3 1/2 years apart and have been good company and support to each other.

   

  What do you think of only children?  Again, I'm biased.  I know only children who are wonderful people.  I guess I just feel sorry for them when they get to the stage where they need to make decisions for their parents.  It's all on them, no help from a sib.  That's not neccesarily a reason to have more though.

• starchini said on Oct 07, 2009....

  WOAH!?  Back up...Hege, do tell me please...How in the world do you "lie" your way out of overdraft fees?  I know ive had some pretty damn good excuses before when trying to get out of a measly $20.00 charge and they have pretty much told me to fuck off...I would like to know this secret.  Other than that, thank you very much for your input, i agree with you on everything.  : )  I have a brother, but we are 5 years apart and not very close so I feel like an only child.  I think ive got a pretty good understanding of both worlds sense I can identify with both sides.  Im closer to my cousins than my brother.  But I really dont feel it makes much of a difference.  If a kid doesnt have a brother or sister and is pining for peer time, call up a neighbor, grab one of your friends kid.  If anything i think being an only child only pushes you to be more social.  I think thats a good thing.  Thanks hege.

  Uni, what other long term options are there that might be better?  Remember im not a good pill taker.  Did you have similar feelings as I before deciding to go for number two?  Were you worried at all about some of the things I am?  Theres no doubt in my mind that having brothers and sisters is a good thing, but my question is, is it a bad thing to not have any?  Do you think your two would be even closer if the age difference was even less?  I agree that Remington must one day decide wether to let me live in his basement or send me to an old fart home and making that choice easier on him by having another kid is not a good reason for expanding the family : )  lol...Thats what my will will be for.  Ill specify exactly what I want him to do.  Itll say something like "If your a good little boy and have the resources you will let me live in your basement until im unable to care for myself.  When that happens take me out back and end my misery old yeller style.  I love you sweetheart."..or something along those lines. 

• uniquely-ironic said on Oct 07, 2009....

  Star, my ex and I were not making a lot of money when we had my son.  We never really discussed another child until 2 years later when things were a bit more flush for us.  At that point we decided that we wanted our son to have someone he could trust and share responsibility with when we were old or gone.  I don't know if they'd be closer if they were closer in age.  I know my ex and his brother are not.  But I have one of each so it's different.  I don't think it's bad or good to make one child the size of your family, I'm not in that position.
   
  As for long term birth control there are depo provera shots (every 3 months), norplant which is inserted under the skin and lasts a few months, and I'm sure there are other non-daily methods of birth control.  I think perhaps you need to do some research and see if any appeal to you.  If you're not good at remembering the pills it's like asking to have another child given your recent history. (not meant to be taken in a bad way, Remington is adorable) 

• Hegemone said on Oct 07, 2009....

  Lol, well I wanted to ask them just what the trick was too.  Apparently when the gruff looking daddy breaks down into uncontrollable sobs in the middle of the bank lobby while holding a baby and a toddler, while his wife and her ten year old stand by looking like deer in headlights and equally as pained, well, that somehow gets the ball rolling ... but I don't know what knocks it all the way through though, lol.  I agree with you though that being an only child does almost encourage you to be more social since you don't get as much at home, you almost want to get out there more and make friends so you DO have people to call, people to confide in, to share with, etc.

• mixednuts said on Oct 07, 2009....

  One boy is fine. I have two twin sisters younger than me and it somehow worked out for me. They are younger though, and they got all of the attention. All their girlfriends liked me more though! Do what you want to do!!!
  Two or three kids will cost you an arm and a leg!

• starchini said on Oct 07, 2009....

  Good point uni, i think one of each sex is different than two of the same.  I think my brother and i would be closer despite or 5 year difference if i was a guy.  I remember wanting to play nintendo with him and his friends and he told me to get out of his room.  Gosh, now that i think of it, i have a lot of heart wrenching memories of how aweful my brother was to me.  He was more interested in his friends than his little sister.  Plus, i think its really hard for a parent to treat their kids equally, almost impossible...The children are always convinced there is a favorite even if there isnt.  Kevin thought i got away with murder bc my parents were more lenient with me than him.  I thought Kevin was the favorite because, well, he was much better than me.  It of course was through no fault of my parents it was just the childish conclusions we both came up with by comparing ourselves to eachother.  Kevin was perfect and my parents were more proud of him than me.  I was the screwed up mess so my parents paid more attention to me.  I resent kevin for being so damn perfect and he resents me for getting more attention than him for the wrong reasons.  Truth is, kevin was perfect and needed very little guidance from my parents.  Me on the other hand, fucked up daily and they had to hold my hand through life to keep me from wakling off of the edge of a cliff...hmm lots to think about..

  Well thatll prolly do it hege...gosh, what a pathetic image...

  Are you sad that they got all the attention?  Did you often wish your mom would spend more time with you instead of braiding hair?

• MsStar39 said on Oct 07, 2009....

  Star don't let no one talk you into having another baby this soon. it is ridiculous that people are telling you that.
  
  With the cost of taking care of a baby, child care and all of the other expense.
  Plu s each child need their bonding time with  parents. I think there should be at least 2-3 year difference between babies.
  Tell them to back off.
  

• starchini said on Oct 07, 2009....

  Will do mistar : )  Thanks

• uniquely-ironic said on Oct 07, 2009....

  Star - that you needed more guidance in no way means you were less perfect.  I fell into that same mindset with my sister the perfect saint.  Turns out we were just different.  We needed to be treated differently because we had different needs.

• bhalah said on Oct 07, 2009....

  i enjoy very much the truht of this post, and all answears are valids, i dont have a think of the questions, but, enything you chouse, eny will be great, couse theres a human beens all behind, are the fathers, moms, and sons, if theres the armony, then is there.

• mOOn_platOOn said on Oct 07, 2009....

  O
   
  Never count on help from siblings.
   
  Look at your headline. That says it all.
   
  My son (who now has a half-sister) WISHES that he were an only kid.
   
  Whose life is it? And for everybody who's busy reminding other people how to live with unsolicited advice, GO WATCH SOAP OPERAS and MYOB.
   
  O

• starchini said on Oct 07, 2009....

  Blah, Im gonna jump out on a limb here and assume that english is your second language.  Thank you very much for your kind words, I think...

  i enjoy very much the truht of this post, and all answears are valids, i dont have a think of the questions, but, enything you chouse, eny will be great, couse theres a human beens all behind, are the fathers, moms, and sons, if theres the armony, then is there.

  Means:  I very much enjoy the truth of this post and all the answers are valid.  I dont have an answer for the questions but anything you choose will be great.  Because there is a human being behind all fathers, moms and sons.  If there is...

  I cant decode that last sentence....but thank you, your very kind.

  Thank you moon platoon for being so straight forward.

• starchini said on Oct 07, 2009....

  Thanks uni, and thats also exactly why its impossible to treat two children equally.  But im scared Remington will have some of the same issues we had, and I dont want to bother him with that nonsense.  Sometimes I think most of my issues actually stem from feeling so incompetent compared to my brother.   I gave up.  I thought, i cant even touch kevin, why bother?  So I just coasted and went through the motions.  However now that im older and wiser, im ready to succeed where I have failed before.  : ) But with only one baby : P 

• Eilan said on Oct 07, 2009....

  Do what's right for you, and screw what everyone else thinks.  Besides, if you have more than one child, you'll get bombarded with a completely different set of nosy questions.

• Lucytorial said on Oct 07, 2009....

  all I can say is for birthcontrol that the IUD is good, there is also the Nuvaring which is good and implants as well - check your options and what your hormones are like, then decide.
   
   

• hairbrushedhubby said on Oct 07, 2009....

  Dear Starchini, every baby is exactly the same as every adult, unique, a one off.

  At the moment you are still over the moon with Remington and so you should be.

  And you are right in this economical climate and in your own minds to just want the one. Give yourselves a year or two just to enjoy Rem.

  Things may get better financially and also your thoughts and feelings about having more may change, then you can re-assese the situation.

  There isn't any right or wrong answers here, as I said earlier everyone is an individual being and everyone's situation is different and subject to change, as is their minds. So carry on and enjoy what you have at the moment and let the future take care of itself, just keep an open mind with no shut doors, and think about and make changes when they come around.

  It really doesn't matter whether you have 1, 2, 3, 4, or more children as long as you give them all the love, care and guidence you can, you will be a good parent.

• queenparanoia said on Oct 07, 2009....

  i don't know much about iuds...

  anyway, you know i would rather one child. i don't know why but if i do have more than one i'll make sure there's a huge age gap. i mean it's hard for your body to have kids every year. and you won't get enough sleep...and don't worry if people pressure you to have another kid... theyre not the one staying up late changing diapers...

• somethingunUSual said on Oct 07, 2009....

  Come on now, you're a baby-makin' machine!!!!! Why waste your natural talents??? Octomom is the only true woman in today's modernized world.

• Twylarants said on Oct 07, 2009....

  See? That's why you should listen only to us here at Soulcast.
  I don't know anything about birth control (obviously), but I do know that you shouldn't consider having another baby until and unless you and Phil really want another one, not because other people think you should or because Remy needs a playmate.
  What kid wants to hear "Well, we only had you because cousin Dora thought we should have an extra baby, and anyway, your brother looked lonely."
  If and when you guys do decide your little family needs to grow please don't worry that you won't feel the same love for the new baby as you feel for Remi.
  A mother's heart just grows bigger with love for every little person who calls her Mommy.
  
  On the lighter side, my oldest was quite annoyed to hear that I was pregnant yet again with the 3rd.
  "No!", he said,  "We don't have enough room for another kid here!"
  "Well, Honey", I said, "then you'll just have to be the outside kid and the baby will be the inside kid."
  Thank heavens he grew up to think that was funny.
  
  

• twentysomeone said on Oct 07, 2009....

  I too am an only child--growing up, I can't say I had a lonely childhood--because you've got to remember, what might be considered 'lonely' to some usually isn't to an only child--we learn from the start how to entertain ourselves--i think it's made me independent, a quality i'm proud of--and yes now that i'm in my 20s i've had the worries go through my head about having to deal with the passing of my parents alone--but with the recent passing of my grandmother, my parent have vowed that they will make things as easy as possible for me--mainly by making sure there wills are set up--but until that day comes, which hopefully won't be for a while, i'm grateful to enjoy what i believe is a special bond that only an only child can have with their parents--so i say go with your gut and know whatever happens your children/child will be happy and loved

• fragglesrock said on Oct 07, 2009....

  You will know when the time is right if you ever decide to have another child.  I can tell the way you talk about Remington just what an awesome, loving, mommy you are :)  It's not snobby to think your baby is the best! lol! There is something to that...my 1st baby was a breeze (as far as babies go) and my 2nd one was...well let's just say he WASN'T just a breeze! lol!

• gingersoul said on Oct 07, 2009....

  Starchini.....oh, please......we use IUD in Europe by decades....its safe and its good.....lots of my friends used it...
  
  Try it and change doctor...;-).
  
  And about a second baby.......I have one only kid and i think i contributed enough to the overpopulation of the globe having my huge share of joy and proud..... and worries....lol...
  
  My theory has always been was: why should i have a second baby when the first one was already more than perfect? Risking to have a second one who maybe was a nightmare?
  
  If you choose to stick with your baby boy just raise him teaching him that the world is his home and that friends can be like family. He will never feel alone.
  
  My daughter has never asked for a bro or a sis.  But she has several adopted relatives and lots of friends too.
  

• cntlvmenuf said on Oct 07, 2009....

  People will always have an opinion you know, and will always tell you what you oughta do with your life, yet when you look at their life, they are not even qualified to offer any advice!!!!
  
  I think what matters the most, is not whether a child was an only child or had siblings, it is the principles that are installed in the child during their younger years by their parents. Finding a balance between smothering them and letting them have their independence...and more importantly preparing them to face the real world that will rip them to pieces in a heart beat. You got it right in wanting to give Remy all the love he needs right now, coz I think that is what will sustain him once he is grown.
  
  Bottom line is, its your life and your family, that is why only you and Phil can make the decisions you know you can live with, everybody else be damned.
  

• D6fer said on Oct 07, 2009....

  ah come on....maybe you could name the next one Norelco! ;p

• Aaron+Wanda said on Oct 07, 2009....

  If you and your husband agree that another child isn't something that you both are ready or desire at the moment then I see nothing wrong with that choice. My guy is an only child and he grew up spoiled and loved and I don't see anything wrong with that because he turned out fine without a sibling that would be their playmate. In fact I'm the oldest and I have 3 younger siblings the thing is it is hard to distribute love evenly. But my parents managed, bottom line is that its all on what you two want and thats how it should be. Some people can handle more and some people can't/don't want there is nothing wrong with either or. Good luck.

• destinydiva said on Oct 08, 2009....

  hiya star :-) i'm book marking cus i have some conception info for ya xx

• seer said on Oct 08, 2009....

  Well all know my opinion on this

• RollingC said on Oct 08, 2009....

  I think that I would rather have 2 or 3 kids if I could manage them well financially and give them all they needed but one would do if I couldn't do that. 
  I have had a horrible experience with my siblings but a wonderful one with my younger step-brother so I'm of mixed feelings about this.
  Too many factors are involved. 
  I guess it boils down to how much you can handle in life.  
  I wish you well with whatever decision you make 'cause once you have children, one or more, they eventually make their own lives regardless of what you want for them so it's really getting them ready so they can make their own decisions and live with it.
  Rc
  

• woman said on Oct 08, 2009....

  Star. Lots of good advice here. I will simply say no decisions about future children are necessary right now. Go ahead and enjoy your beautiful baby and let time give you answers. Perhaps you will decide you do want another child (and don't worry about having enough love Star, it grows with each new child) but maybe you will be content and decide that one child is right for you. You and your husband should make the decision without being influenced by others, they will not be raising the children. Rem would no doubt love a brother or sister as he grows but he will be fine as long as he is loved. Having a sib doesn't guarantee a loving and close relationship. We all know kis that aren't close, don't we? Now, go give that baby some love and relax. You've gone through a lot of changes in the last year. Big hugs, woman

• CreativeWoman said on Oct 08, 2009....

  Star,
  I think that it is a very personal decision that no one should make for you.  Enjoy Remy while he's a baby.  I've had friends that missed having a baby in the house when the oldest went to school and then had another one.  You don't have to be a baby factory.  :-)
  
  Live in the moment now.  Nothing says you can't change your mind later. 
  
  CW
  

• MoonLiteRide said on Oct 08, 2009....

  Everybody has an opinion. The only person who can make the right decision for you is ... you! More kids do take more time, effort and money although there is some economy of scale. One thing I will say, it's questionable that Remy will be out of diapers by the time another is born if you became pregnant now so don't plan on it! Many boys (in particular it seems) can easily push into three or four years. Sounds scary, and some may say it's unnecessary, but it's true. All our kids were at least two, and two of them were at least four. Sibling close together in age can be great at certain ages, horrible at others. Two of the boys are close in age, they were great when younger, but in early teen hood the disagreements are fierce and frequent! Having a larger gap seems to avoid some of that issue but they will still not get along at certain times. Although they don't play together all the time, the kids with bigger age gaps still can be a good mix. Don't plan on older kids babysitting younger kids all that much. Some will, but being in the same family changes the babysitting outlook by the older kids and it doesn't tend to work flawlessly. If you do stick to having an only child be aware that they won't have the same level of interaction between other children because their home life will be different. Make sure you get him out to play with other kids in the park, at play group, whatever so he learns to interact with other kids similar to if there were other kids at home.

• beyondtheveil said on Oct 08, 2009....

  I was going to say the same as moon platoon - look at the name of your post. I would say two things, first, give it some time, see what parenting is all about. At least two years. Second, if at a later time you both really want another, look at your situation and decide then.
  
  Don't listen to people who want to influence your life over such important and long term decisions because of their fleeting and often wrong thoughts.
  

• starchini said on Oct 08, 2009....

  Your right Eilan, Thanks.

  Thanks Lucy, i think im going with the ParaGard IUD, its hormone free.  I hate the hormones..

  Thank you Hairbrushed, very sweet of you

  Im with you Queenie, if there is gonna be another its gonna be quite a long long time.  Im soo young, I have another 20 years to decide if i want another : ) 

  SomethingUnusual, I have many God given natural talents.  Octomom is hardly what I would consider a "true woman".  Yes im obviously good at making babies but am much more than a baby machine.  This world is overpopulated as it is. 

  Thank you Twyla, thats very cute about your little boy : )

  Thanks so much for your point of view Twenty

  Fraggles thats exactly what I fear, a less breezy baby...Thank ya

  Thank you ginger, I plan on it, on all of it : )

  Thank you cntlvmenuff, your right, damn'em.

  haha D6fer, if its a girl it would be Winchesta : P

  ahhh yes seer, while I love being a parent, I agree one is more than enough :>

  Thank you Aron&wanda, good luck to you too! : )

  Lookin forward to it Des, you meant contraception right?  Or conceptual?  Contraception, yup thats what it is.  Yay, cant wait ;)

  Rolling, i had a lot of falling outs with my brother too, I think I could handle just about anything, but wether I would want to or not...and i think not.  Obviously one is easier than two but i think you get the same amount of joy, so why make it harder? Right.  Thanks

  Thank you woman, I will do as you say most certainly : ) Big hugs to you as well : )

  Thank you CW : )

  Thank you moonlit, but Remi will most certainly be potty trained no later than 2. 

  Thank you very much beyond your right :)

   

   

   

   

   

   

• simplyconfused said on Oct 14, 2009....

  Your not a real mom until you have to?  You very well are a mother with one child!  You know, it's honestly up to you whether you ever want another child. (*applauds* you realize now is not a time for it)  If you don't want another child... why have one?  Your the one who carries it for 9 months.
  I was a baby like Remington ^-^  easy, and quiet.  My mother had me really young. She was 14 when I was born and turned 15 that month.  My mom's family was no wheres wealthy in anyway, and I guess she got a happy, content, barely cried baby to help her out.  I was her blessing, and Remington is yours.
  My brother wasn't as easy, and isn't.  He wasn't planed, my mother forgot to take one pill... =\.  (careful with that) he has ADHD, Global Development Delay, and slight Tourettes.  There is a lot of fighting with the schools and such. I'm not saying it will happen with the second, however the blessings didn't continue.  He cried more.  He was very happy to though, but he cried more.
  Thoughts on only children? It would be so easy being an only child... I'm jealous. =p
  Though, wouldn't it be easy to just use a condom if the IUD wasn't possible to get?  Perhaps you two will have to just deal with it somehow, since you don't want to have another child. {Don't be silly wrap your willy!!}

• starchini said on Oct 14, 2009....

  thank you for your story simply.  What is global dev delay?  We dont like condoms, they are uncomfortable and make sex less, pleasurable, a pain to keep handy, and a mood killer in the heat of the moment.  Im on the pill now but am ashamed to admit that i forget to take it some days and haave to double up on the next ones.  So something must be done, bc im sure now that I do not want another baby.  Remington is my little angel and plenty of sweetheart for me

• simplyconfused said on Oct 16, 2009....

  Your welcome ^_^  Global dev delay.  Basically my brothers mentality is younger than his actual age.  He's 13, and I think his mentality is 3 or four years younger?  So it's as though he's a 10 or 9 year old is in a 13 year old body.
  mmm yes, that is true, perhaps you could have a timer or something with you, and take the pill at whatever time and when it goes off you know "ok take it now!"

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