That little bastard (my 'cousin') has NO business chewing her out for that.  He has NO clue what happened between my parents.  All he knows are my dad's lies he may have found through the grapevine.  If my dad did even tell him anything, I can guarantee you it wasn't the truth either.  Like how abusive he was to my mother.  Like how he tried to kill her a couple of times.  Like how he nearly controlled her whole life.  Like how the day she decided to leave, it was because he physically threatened her and had her backed into a corner because the dog got into the dog food bag ... and I stepped in between them to protect her (still haven’t decided if this outrageous over protectiveness of my mom is stupidity or bravery, but I can tell you when something or someone is threatening her, I could and would kill), and my mom thought he was going to hit me.  Beyond all of that, nobody has made any issues over it for a couple of years now.  They've been divorced for something like 5-6 years.  I can understand my dad holding a grudge, even though he knows he was a lot at fault.   He barely ever brings it up.  Nobody else does either.  The rest of the family has been mostly pleasant over it, realizing that she’s still my mother, and they don’t act like retards over it.  My cousin though ... especially this piece of scum who doesn't even live in the same state ... he has NO business taking it upon himself to say any of that shit.

So my mom has blocked him, she's done with the whole deal.  Me on the other hand?  I'm pissed.  I'm livid.  I was so angry that I've only said maybe 30 words to my dad since getting home after work.  In fact, I came home long enough to change, and then left, went to the bank, the store and then the farm, and I stayed over there until just about two hours ago.  Since I've been home I've barely spoken to my dad.  Not because HE did anything, but because it was HIS family and I don't want to take it out on him while he's in a fairly reasonable, pleasant mood.  Note that I say HIS family.  I’ve pretty much decided that the important family members are already gone.  The riff raff that is left, well, they’re not worth the crap I just flushed down the toilet.  The way my aunt acted a few days ago, and the way my cousin has acted this morning … well those incidents are basically the straws that broke the camel’s back.

 

This damn family thinks they can say whatever they want and they don’t have to be held accountable.  I disagree, and so, instead of telling them where to shove it, I’m just going to disassociate myself completely from them.  I no longer view them as family.   Just a few months ago they were all conspiring and talking behind my back about how it was probably a bad idea that I married my husband, that they’re worried it was a bad decision, and that we won’t last.  What business is it of theirs?  To boot, my dad agreed with them.  If he thought it was such a mistake, well he’s my father, he could have said something first!  I disagree with them completely on this and I’m pissed that they’d even do this.  Grow some balls and talk to ME about it.  I’m not completely irrational, I hear people out, I remember what is said to me, and I try to learn from it and explore all options.  If I wasn’t that way, my brain wouldn’t drive me so insane sometimes.  Give me more credit please.  What the problem is, is that they all think they’re above my husband’s family and they feel I’ve put a dark mark on their family.  Ha, no, they ARE the dark mark.

In fact, I had a strange reaction earlier when my dad came over.  For ease of expression now and in the future, I’m going to still use the family relationship names, but by no means do I feel these people deserve their titles.  My uncle decided to sell one of his cars, and had offered it to my husband for a cheaper price, since my husband stupidly expressed to my dad that he had a feeling his truck was going to die soon.  My dad doesn’t take that as ‘It might just be my husband’s paranoia.’ but instead takes it as ‘Oh, the truck is going to die, they need to do something about it.’  We can’t afford it anyway.  My dad said to me though, ‘Well, since he’s family you might be able to work something out a little easier and not have to be worried about the truck.’  When he said ‘since he’s family’ I had to bite my tongue.  I don’t know what I was going to say, but I know I had this repulsed feeling, almost like he’d called me a dirty name or something.

I don’t know, either way, I need more time to think on this, but one way or the other; I’m done with this group that my dad claims to be his family.  If my cousin or aunt wants to claim wrong doing on my dad’s part, in that my mom wronged him, well fine, they’re sticking by his side and being HIS family … but what about me?  She’s my mother, and for them to do that, and disrespect her, is also disrespectful to me.  I won’t have it, and I don’t need them.  They are not the family I turn to in times of need, not by a long shot.  So, another stressful day in the family department. 

I need a drink. (No, I don't, and I'm not gonna have one ... but ... it's just for lack of better words ... maybe 'I need a new family'?)