It seems as if it has become okay in our society to have sexual affairs. Problem: I'm not okay with it. Are you?
I assert this because ever since the days of Clinton (Bill) and Monica, well after them really, you hear about politicians and public figures, celebrities too of course, that have been caught with their pants down with someone they aren't married to.
And, sure they're shamed publicly to a certain extent, often they resign (politicians anyway), but really, are they adequately punished? Isn't it almost a kind of crime? Or at least, isn't it taboo?
I have this outdated way of thinking about marriage or commitment. You see, I think if you're married and you're off screwing around with someone that ain't your spouse, you should be punished, or face the consequences. None of this 'shame on you' bullshit and then business as usual. It should be a fall from grace, not to get all Adam and Eve on you, but seriously, it's fucked up if you're cheating. That's all there is to it.
It certainly is not something to be proud of. 'Yeah, I'm doing this hot, young thing on the side. My wife doesn't know. haha.' You have no bragging rights. You fucked up, and you know it. You just let your Id lead the way (that's right, I'm going Freudian on your ass!) Have you no morals? That's what this all translates to: If you dishonor your spouse (and family), who is to trust you anymore? These public figures should get the boot once we discover their dirty little secrets. They no longer deserve the attention. They certainly aren't the role model we want our children to be exposed to because they'll just show our kids that you can do immoral things and get away with it with little harm done.
Okay, I'm getting down off my soapbox now. Feel free to put in your two cents.
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silver_phoenix posted on Oct 01, 2009
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Comments
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phoeby said on Oct 02, 2009....
I wouldn't do it personally. but i don't give a toss about anyone else's decisions.we attract those people we are vibrating in alignment with, and i only attract honest respectful caring people now. -
phoeby said on Oct 02, 2009....
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uniquely-ironic said on Oct 02, 2009....
Can't say I have a blameless past with this issue. I can't say that I think it's right, but then I have to also bring in the question of why the person went astray in the first place. Affairs are as complicated as marriages and it's hard to say where the blame lays.
I'm curious to know what you think an appropriate punishment would be. Do you chop off a body part? What is the fair dollar amount? Why do you think that anyone but the two married people have any say in what the consequences should be have a say in it?
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Hegemone said on Oct 02, 2009....
I do tend to agree with you, cheating is certainly wrong. It does make people question your morals and just how worthy of a person you are. For celebrities/politicians, yeah, it's almost become a game now of who can catch who in what act, just for the fun of it. Then to see them merely shrug it off and nothing happen, it does get frustrating. For me though, considering the celebrities, I don't really give a hoot I guess because none of them are my idols personally, and I don't have children, so the story may change once I've got a kid looking up to somebody who is a cheater.
For politicians, I admit, that yes, it makes me question why some of them get to stay in office after having done something like that. If they'll cheat on their significant other, thus breaking that trust, what's to say they aren't abusing other things within their political powers? I was sort of curious too though, what kind of punishment could there be? Do you mean just kicking somebody out of office, banning them from making movies (or doing whatever they're famous for), etc.? Further, for all we know, in their home lives they are punished emotionally and mentally, but we just don't see that part. For politicians though, yeah ... still, I tend to think that maybe they need to step down and lose their title. -
hairbrushedhubby said on Oct 02, 2009....
I agree with what you say 100%, I have been totally in love with my wife since we were courting, and through all our married life and have NEVER not even once cheated on her.If you really love someone how could you hurt them or betray their trust in you?Unfortunately nowadays, women seem to have the same outlook in their relationships as men, what they don't know won't hurt them, or what's good for the goose is good for the gander.Which is why there are only a few marriages that last, and people are living together without making a commitment of marriage, it's like a get-out clause.It also reflects on family life, young girls of 13 plus getting pregnant and having all these one-parent families society has to support.How can parents teach about love and fidelity if they are bad examples themselves?I am sorry if I have gone on a bit here, but I just want to point out the big difference between love and lust, trust and self gratification. -
Eilan said on Oct 02, 2009....
Where does consensual nonmonogamy lie on the cheating continuum?
I'm with u-i, mostly. I've been cheated on, so I'm not a fan of cheating, but I also don't think it's a black-and-white issue.
My husband and I started our relationship when we were both married to other people. Although I'm sure people will disagree, it wasn't cheating in the hide-it-from-your-spouse sense; our exes had made it clear to us that the relationships were over, so we felt free to pursue a relationship with each other despite the technicality of being legally married to other people. We didn't fuck up, and we don't regret a minute of it. :)
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silver_phoenix said on Oct 02, 2009....
phoeby- Normally, I wouldn't give a shit either, But for some strange reason I just cannot put into appropriate words right now, when there is a PUBLIC figure involved it irritates me. For one, the constant media coverage of it doesn't help. If you intend on leading a public life, you should be mindful of your decisions in life. So, of course, I'm bothered by these public figures, which often become role models for our youth.
u-i~ Interesting, you took a more personalized perspective of the issue, but I'm glad because it allows me to see my argument from another side. From the "inside," so to speak. As for the punishment aspect, I just feel that a Public Figure should get the boot from the "privilege" of leading a public life, and I feel it would be in the service of our youth. They deserve better role models. Some kids get good role models from their families or communities, but others idolize public figures.
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silver_phoenix said on Oct 02, 2009....
Hege~ I agree that cheaters are punished sometimes emotionally/mentally, and that we just don't always see it. It just doesn't seem right to allow celebrities/public figures/etc. to be in the spotlight and receiving so much attention.
hairbrushedhubby- You make a great point about society and the changing institution of marriage.
Eilan- Consensual nonmonogamy isn't cheating, if it is what I think it is. 2 consenting partners having more than 1 sexual/romantic relationship. Another term for this is an Open Relationship. These are fairly common. I'm glad to hear that your own situation worked out for you :)
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