When I walk long distances, ride the train to and from work, or drive a long way I have lots of time to think. Sometimes I think about things I see, sometimes about things I remember, and sometimes about things I imagine. Sometimes I think funny thoughts but rarely make note of them. Here today I give you a few conversations I imagined as a result of all this time for thinking I have.

 

Nine-year old boy and his 40-something father

Boy: Dad, mom says you go out every Friday night after work and look at girls dancing naked.

Dad: Uh, did she say that?

Boy: Yeah. She said the girls take off all their clothes and shake their butts in front of your face. She said they show you everything.

Dad: Well, yes, that’s true. That’s what I do on Fridays. I go with some of the guys to a place called a strip club and watch girls dance naked on stage.

Boy: Dad, how old are these girls? I mean, you’re not watching girls my age take off their clothes and show you their woo woos, are you?

Dad: Oh, no! Ha, ha! No, of course not. These girls are much older than you. They’re at least 20 or a bit more.

Boy: Oh, that’s a relief! For a moment I was worried you were some kind of creepy pervert.

 

Man who just crashed his car and police officer

Officer: Alright, can you tell me what happened?

Man: Well, I came down the road here and I saw that sign…

Officer: Which sign would that be?

Man: That one there. It says, “Caution! Frequent accident area. Cars and trucks turning out from blind driveway 9AM to 5PM, Mon. to Fri. Slow down and be careful.”

Officer: And so you swerved to avoid hitting a vehicle turning out from the blind driveway?

Man: No. As I approached the curve I was trying to read the whole message on the sign. But it was too long and while I was reading I missed the curve and hit this tree here.

 

Two young female roommates in their apartment

First young woman: Oh, my God. There he goes again. Completely naked. You can see everything!

Second young woman: What? Who are you looking at?

First young woman: That skinny old guy in the next building. I sometimes see him walking past his window totally starkers.

Second young woman: Really? I’ve often looked out of that window but I have never seen him walk around naked.

First young woman: Well, you have to stay by the window here and keep watching for some time before you might see him.

 

A young man talking to a young woman on the train

Young man: Hi. Uh, this is a bit, umm, well, it’s just that… Ahem. I have been noticing you on this train almost everyday for the last three months. I’m not like a stalker or anything. It’s just that your face is really beautiful and I can’t help noticing it. In fact, I always look forward to seeing your face and I like how you dress. I think you are really pretty and I just felt that… umm… well, I just had to tell you that I just really wanted to come up and say hi to you. You know, I just wanted to see if I could maybe get a smile and maybe hear your voice because… ah… well, like I said, I have noticed you everyday for the last three months and I just had to finally summon the courage to come up and say hi.

Young woman: But I have only been taking this train since last Monday. I only started my new job then. I have never taken this train before that.

Young man: Oh! OH! Right. Sorry. You’re the wrong girl. Sorry.

 

A woman and a man are looking at a photograph of the woman

Man: And here’s a photo of you from that day.

Woman: Oh, God! Throw that picture away. I look absolutely terrible.

Man: But this is how you always look.

 

And one more that is a bit naughty and gross.

A high school girl and a high school boy talking outside the basketball team’s locker room

Boy: You didn’t just drink from that bottle did you?

Girl: Yeah, why not? It’s my bottle.

Boy: Oh, no. One of the guys put his dick on the mouthpiece.

Girl: What?!!! Seriously?

Boy: Yeah, he said he wanted you to get used to the taste of giving him a blow job so he put his dick on your bottle.

Girl: Eww! GROSS!!! Oh, that is just totally sick! And you didn’t tell me…!

Boy: Sorry, I was going to but…

Girl: Yeah, sure. You guys are totally disgusting! I’m going to have to wash my mouth with soap now. Eww!

Boy: Sorry…

Girl: Oh, don’t be. You think it’s funny, don’t you? Who was it anyway?

Boy: Uh, it was Brad.

Girl: Brad…? Hmm… Maybe it’s not so bad anyway.