No need to reassure me here - I am not feeling guilty, just a little worried that I am not feeling guilty, if that makes any sense.
I am tired of being the one that is expected to solve the problems. Historically, I have a hard time saying no and will typically go above and beyond, even when I don't want to. And now I can't. That makes saying no a whole lot easier.
My sister makes the world's worst decisions. For a very intelligent woman, she's a complete ass when it comes to her personal life. She'll tell you she has every right to do as she chooses, which would be all well and good, except her stupidity has repercussions, and that seems to be where her independent streak comes to a screeching halt.
As the baby of the family (there's 11 yrs between her and my younger brother), my sister has been catered to her entire life. It's clear she has this air of entitlement (it used to drive Dillo absolutely crazy), and yet at the same time, she is filled with this rebelliousness and still acts as though it's her life's mission to stick it to my parents every friggin' chance she gets. And they take it, and keep on taking it. It pisses me off. Grow up and see if you can muster an ounce or two of gratitude.
This will sound selfish, but with Dillo gone, I am quite sure that I will be the one to take care of my parents when the time comes. My other siblings are far too self-absorbed. I am not resentful about that. I love my mom and dad to pieces, genuinely enjoy their company, and feel honored to have them in my life. I want to keep them both just as long as I possibly can. I would just appreciate it if my sister could stop leaning on them and let them get ready for a well-deserved retirement. My dad's 68 and still teaching/ working part-time.
Mind you, I have been spoiled myself - though not necessarily in a material way. We had no money when Jack and I were small. My dad was in grad school, and we lived in a crappy neighborhood near the university, but my grandparents (both sets) lived really close by, and so did a lot of relatives. I always felt very, very loved. But I have always had an awareness that my parents worked very, very hard for what they have - and the expectation for myself is that I would do the same. I can't really identify with my sister in that regard. Never thought I had it coming to me, at least not in that respect.
Back to the Brat. Curiously, Brat never has enough money. She spends like water, and chooses to work in a situation that earns very little. She throws it in my face that I recently made a similar choice, but I did that knowing I would have to sacrifice. I was not expecting anyone else to pick up the slack.
Brat married a man who dropped out of college, has a substance abuse problem, and works only sporadically. Together, they have three kids now, and while the children are quite lovely, it would have been nice if they'd considered how they were going to support this growing family before popping out the last one. BTW - before I sound too cruel - she knew about the addiction before she married him, and he came into the marriage with two kids and no job. We all asked her to reconsider, but she basically told us to shove it up our asses. Apparently, none of us knows what it's like to be in luvvvvv.
Anyway, sister dear calls me today to ask for a loan. She already owes me enough money for a pretty decent size down payment should I ever choose to buy another house. Apparently, her beloved hubbie got fired yet again (go figure - calling in sick about once a week and coming in late the other four days ...), and there are several bills due. Well, I can't help. I don't have the money or the desire anymore, and after a while, these "emergencies" aren't emergencies anymore. Shit happens. That's why you try and put money on the side, get a second job, curtail your spending, etc., i.e. - stop living large on someone else's dime.
I told her what my salary is now (about 1/4 of what it used to be), and she said "yeah, well, the cost of living down there is lower, and you don't have anyone to support but yourself." True - but I also don't have anyone to rely on but myself. I had to say no. No other choice.
And I was relieved. I LIKED saying no!
I don't WANT to help her anymore. I just don't. Stop creating problems, or start creating your own solutions.
I kinda like being a "bad person." It's definitely got it's charm. Jack had told me a long time ago that I needed to stop being such a push-over. I just didn't know how. Now, I understand a little more of the animosity between her and Jack. He held her accountable. I am learning that she doesn't really like that. Too bad, so sad. I'm sure she'll call my parents and ask them, for which I do actually feel bad, but they can say no too if they wanted to ... I'm sure they won't, but they could.
Just sick of it, and kinda happy I'm far away and don't have to deal with this mess close up. I'll have to remember this when I start feeling homesick again.
BTW - my sister and her family recently returned from a 10 day vacation to Disney. I asked whether or not they could afford it (i.e. - if you owe me that much money, I KNOW you can't!) She said they had to "make it a priority" because they were stressed. Wishy's a little stressed too - anyone want to send me to see Mickey? Didn't think so.
When you drive a nicer car than I drive, go on better vacations, wear better clothes, etc., - DO NOT ask for money. I like the way I live. It's my choice, but I didn't do it so I could fund someone else's irresponsibility.
Oh - and the other thing that's my fault? Now that I am 500 miles away - no free babysitting. Childcare costs money - who knew? I used to arrange my university schedule and practice hours around the kids' school so I could keep an eye on the boys. Can't do that anymore. Here's a thought - maybe their FATHER might want to pitch in a little. After all, they're his kids. I know my sister makes no distinction between the terms "children" and "step-children," and neither do I. I love those little guys so much it hurts, but they're HIS - he's the one who couldn't or wouldn't keep his sperm in line. Two different mommies, btw -more irresponsible behavior for which others are expected to jump in and help.
Know what's a whole lot cheaper than childcare? Condoms. Hmmmm ....
Oh boy, I've been bitching a lot lately! Kind of funny for someone who once had this pervasive self-image of being all sweetness and light.
Maybe I'd better start meditating more? Get the mala, heavy on the bodhicitta.
NAH!
I am actually beginning to think it's about time some of this started to come out. Anyone want a better look at my horns? ;)
