OK - I did not have classes today - just a session in a little while with one of my tutors. The day was productive in many ways. I have lots more clarity on some if not all of the issues plaguing me in biostats. I checked with my classmates. My problems are not unusual compared with the rest of the group. As far as grades go, I am in the "A" category, but only with the curve. Without it, I'd be a "B" which is good, I guess. My frustration comes from knowing this is not just about the grade. Granted, I need the grade to be able to continue with the rest of my studies, but at the same time, I need the knowledge even more. If I don't truly understand these concepts, it is going to hinder me in my subsequent classes, and it will definitely interfere with my research.
Here's where I am not sure my past experience as a professor is helpful or harmful. I suppose it is helpful from the standpoint that this seems to be largely a do-it-yourself class. It is NOT helpful from the perspective of professor/ student watching someone else do a very poor job of actual instruction. Reading from someone else's prepared slides and making an occaisonal witty remark is not teaching. It is also not part of a professor's obligation to go about patronizing the poor brave souls who actually have enough courage to ask an occaisonal question (AND - I am not one of these folks - I largely keep my mouth shut because I know better than to expect a helpful response)
It's all well and good that my tuition is being paid for by a grant, but at close to $4500 for this particular class, I want to see a little more effort on the part of the prof. Financial cost notwithstanding, I gave up a very successful career to return to school full-time and I am not here to fuck around, pardon my "French." Step it up.
I spent the day looking at other teachers' powerpoint presentations, the notes of students in other professors' classes, the Idiots Guide to Statistics, Statistics for the Utterly Confused, and the ever-popular Cartoon Guide to Statistics. When I finally got my brain wrapped around this one particular concept, I realized how simple it actually was once you have all the preliminary basis. Needless to say, my prof breezed by this stuff, leaving all of us in the dust for the past two weeks. People are actually leaving the lectures crying and heading to the registrar's office to drop the course. I can't drop it - mostly because it's required, and I can't go on to Spring semester without it, but also because I am pissed, will not back down from a challenge, and I'm clinging to life just for the spite of it. Two weeks ago, the bastard said he didn't think I had a snowball's chance in hell of getting through without going back to basic algebra and calculus. I ran that by my advisor who said CALCULUS is not a pre-req. Well, now that the professor has thrown down the gauntlet, I am going to pass just on principle, even if he totally sucks as a teacher.
The other aspect I am having difficulty with stems from hero worship. The person teaching is a renown researcher with an impressive background. I expected a lot more and was initially excited to be studying with him, but I'm over it.
I am not a complete moron. I am twice the age of most of my classmates, and I know I haven't taken a math class in 25 yrs, but damn it, I have done research before, so I am not totally ignorant. Give me a little credit. What's more, the majority of the youngins are struggling even worse than I am - at least I have the habits and maturity to focus and knuckle down, and I know where to seek appropriate resouces, but damn it, I shouldn't have to work so hard. It's HIS job to TEACH!!! Hello??? I took that responsibility pretty damned serious when I was behind the podium. If more than half my students scored below a C without the curve, I would have had a complete nervous breakdown and taken a serious look at my methods. Something just ain't right.
Ok - bitching done - and ahhhhh I do actually feel a little better.
Back to the calculator. Bleh!
