queenparanoia's tags:
yesterday, the sun rose as if nothing happened...
 
life continues... tragedies happen... we cannot control the forces of nature...
 
we deal with life...
 
yesterday we went back to the hardware store...
 
the water was gone as fast as it rose yesterday. all we see are mud and the stuff we sell all over the place...
 
my heart broke...
 
here i am building my dreams through this store and it was destroyed in a matter of moments...
 
i felt like my hands and feet were heavy when cleaning up the store. piece by piece i felt like my heart was breaking. 
 
but i didnt show it. i never told anyone in real life what i feel. i never told anyone how heavy my heart is. i never told anyone in real i that i felt like everything changed for me.
 
me and my family were lucky that it didn't  flooded in our home. me and my sister and her friend and our worker were lucky that we left the hardware store when the water reached waist level. (people said the water rose higher)
 
yes, were luckier than most people because i know a lot of people lost their home and now it is reported that it reached more than a hundred people died.  
 
i am lucky...
 
or am i?
 
i don't feel lucky. seriously i feel like shit. my heart is so heavy after all of this...
 
my father is thinking of closing down the store because of what happened....
 
what about me?
 
what about my dreams??? i don't want to find another job again. i worked hard on this hardware store. i worked hard even if i hate it but i did it anyway because i want to achieved my happiness in life...
 
i'm sad, i'm angry i just feeel like shit with all of this...
 
and i know i don't have anyone to blame for it...
 
this is life...
 
and the truth is i'm just on the edge of it all...
 
right now i'm still building little by little on what happened. i'm trying to piece by piece put together my broken heart...
 
will life be different for now on?
 
yes...
 
will my dreams be the same after all of this?
 
yes...
 
will be a different person after all of this?
 
i don't know...
 
i just don't know...
 
the following are the pictures i took yesterday after the storm...
 
 
 
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inside the hardware store

 

 

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my chair totally destroyed...

 

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inside the stockroom

 

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the toilet...

 

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my desk...

 

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after the end of the day this is just how much we cleaned yesterday. we didnt finish because we got tired so we cleaned again today...

 

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my desk again

 

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half of our garbage yesterday...

 

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our neighbors also had it bad. their furnitures got destroyed too...

 

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if you could see the garbage got stuck on the fence...the water was higher than that...

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it was hard for me taking this pictires, looking back it look like pictures from a movie...

but it's reality...

tomorrow, were gonno finish the cleaning and i will try to be positive and try to go on with life...

i don't know what my future now because of this...

all i know is i still have my dreams and i'll do everything i can to achieve it...



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Comments

  • UnicornForm said on Sep 28, 2009....
    aw.
     
    your handling it beautifulli.
     
    dont worri though cuz you can lean on the big man from the sky.
     
    how deep was the water?
     
     
  • uniquely-ironic said on Sep 28, 2009....
    Oh queenie!  I'm glad you were safe, but it has to be hard to look at all the stuff that got trashed and dirty.  I know you're discouraged, but hang in there. 
  • fragglesrock said on Sep 28, 2009....
    qp - Trav told me on the phone about what happened! :(   My heart and thoughts go out to you and your family.  I'm glad that everyone is safe but I'm heartbroken for all the setbacks you have suffered in attaining your goals, and now, another setback :(
  • Hegemone said on Sep 28, 2009....
    Queenie, I can't even imagine what you're going through.  I'm so sorry you got handed this particular card.  Be strong though, don't give in and bow out.  You're better than that, and you can and will find a way to work around this, to feel OK, to triumph and to make the most and best of it.  In fact, I am already of sound mind to think that soon enough we'll be reading some sort of positive post from you about how you ARE getting through it.  I have that faith in you.  Until you get there though, you know we're here for you.  ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
  • BELOW_TOP_SECRET said on Sep 28, 2009....
    You were in the world news!
  • MsStar39 said on Sep 28, 2009....
    Queenie you all are in my prayers, I know it is hard but try to pick yourself up and get the store back in order if you can,

    People will need a place to come and purchase things to get their life back to being as normal as possible during this tragedy.
  • mixednuts said on Sep 28, 2009....
    Thank God that you are alright today!
    You were so worried about!  The shop will recover! Without you soulcast would not be the same!
    That was a monster storm!
  • starchini said on Sep 28, 2009....
    aww im so sorry
     
  • gingersoul said on Sep 28, 2009....
    Queenie...oh, your purple wall....:-(

    I am following  the news and they said the victims are over 200...

    I know it seems pointless now but you can only roll up your sleeves and clean up and keep the store open.....don't give up. 

    You have dreams to turn in reality. {{{{hugs}}}}
  • cuppajava said on Sep 28, 2009....
    Hi QP - I hope that you are going to be ok.I have been watching it on the news and it brought back memories of 1987 in my home town in Durban where the main river burst its banks.We were already living about 400 metres up,but you look outside your lounge window at home and the water was 10 feet away.Very scary.Many people died in that flood and there was total devastation
  • queenparanoia said on Sep 29, 2009....
    hi guys thank you fr your prayers and support. we have finish cleaning the hardware store and life is back to normal again. well i'm trying to live normally but were okay now. please continue praying for my country a lot of people still need help. will blog about this later...
  • hotaka said on Sep 29, 2009....
    queenP, it absolutely sucks to have this happen. But you are right. Other people had it worse. Some lost more than you did. That doesn't make it easier to clean up and face the heartbreak. But what you might want to think about is that other people who suffered more are also cleaning up and moving on with life. People who experienced volcanic eruptions, tsunamis, hurricanes, earthquakes, tornados... they all clean up and move on. People who have been through wars also clean up and move on. Life is never the same after but that's what the human race does - it cleans up and moves on. Life continues. Like countless people before you, you will get through this and a few weeks or months from now you will find it has all become a memory. Sometimes having everything wrecked is a chance to start anew.

    Besides, your chair was dirty but not totally destroyed.
  • woman said on Sep 29, 2009....
    I'm so sorry you had to go through this. You are a lovely person and becoming a strong person. You will move on and you will be ok but I hate that you had to suffer through this. Big big hugs, woman
  • CayenneMan said on Sep 29, 2009....
      I'm sorry that you're living through this current nightmare produced by mother nature. She can really be dreadful at times but we just have to be patient and ride out the storm. Trust me baby girl I've dealt with her fury many times in the past myself. It's always sad and people suffer and get hurt and some even die but we can only keep the faith and grow stronger as we pick up the pieces and move on with our lives. My prayers will always be with you and your family.

  • CreativeWoman said on Sep 29, 2009....
    queen,
    The main thing is that you and your family are safe.  I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this.  It must be so overwhelming.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

    CW
  • pusscat said on Sep 30, 2009....
    Oh god queenie, I don't know how I missed this post.  Thank goodness you and your family are safe!!

    I won't pretend for one moment i know what you're going through.  One thing I do know that is that you are the young lady that I have read here so many times who doesn't know the meaning of the words 'give up'.  You will continue cleaning that store.  You will recover as much of that store as possible and you will work there again and continue to build that business. 

    I hope this doesn't sound crass in any way but those people who need to rebuild are going to need you.  They will need your nails and hammers and screws.  They will want to put curtains up on rails again.  Then, once they have rebuilt what is theirs they will want your paint to make their houses look like homes again.  It won't happen overnight darling, I know but since when did you ever shy away from hard work.  Your dream hasn't gone hun, it just needs cleaning up and some of that love and care you put into everything putting back into it.

    Bless everyone there that has been affected and my heart goes out to the families who lost loved ones.  The fact that you survived honey when many didn't, doesn't mean that you can't feel bad for yourself and what has happened to your store.  Please try to look after yourself and get plenty of rest in between cleaning up.  Huge hugs to you.
  • wishyouwerehere said on Sep 30, 2009....
    Queenie -
     
    This is very difficult and heart breaking, but I am so relieved and happy you are ok.  Without that, you could not possibly rebuild any dreams.  Keeping you in my prayers.
     
    Hugs - Wishy

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