i am the kind of friend that everyone runs to when they have problems - any kind. i am the one who listens and gives advices when they ask for it. i am the one who's always there.
since i am the one whom most of my friends come to, i know many of their secrets. and i know many heartaches and pains - some of them i've been through, some not yet.
lately, 4 friends have been talking (others e-mail and text) to me about their love lives. and guess what, they have fairly the same problems... infidelity and liars.
with this in mind, a question suddenly came to my head... yup, you guessed it!! can a man truly be honest? romantic relationship-wise?? can they possibly tell their girls what they really feel?
can they say what they truly mean? and mean what they say?
SCM
SoulCastMistress posted on Sep 24, 2006
| views: 552
Comments
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silverwhisper said on Sep 24, 2006....
i find that neither sex has a monopoly on deception, honesty or manipulation, frankly. as you get older, you'll probably learn this for yourself.
ed
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SoulCastMistress said on Sep 24, 2006....
thanks SW...
but i can't help but wonder why men tend to hide the truth from their partned, especially when they know that it would cause pain or would threaten the relationship...
for example, a man had a steady girlfriend already, but he still woos other girls. and he keeps this from his girl until he is sure that the other girl would accept him. it's like he is just making sure that whatever happens, he is left with someone at his side.
why can't just a guy tell a girl if it's over?
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silverwhisper said on Sep 24, 2006....
well obviously b/c what you're talking about isn't a man: it's a boy.
solution: don't waste time w/ boys. :>
ed
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SpicyGirl said on Sep 24, 2006....
Why only men? Even women have problems expressing their true feelings these days.
I olden days, when there were clearly defined roles for the man and the woman, they both behaved a certain way.
Now, with ever changing responsibilities, I think it's become more about PEOPLE and the situations they are in, rather that a man woman thing.
However, I agree, the world today is becoming more guarded. Everyone is afraid of rejection, so they don't express their feelings. They are insecure, so they keep a "standby" even if in a steady relationship.
Everyone still loves, I guess, but has no idea how to communicate it!
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SoulCastMistress said on Sep 24, 2006....
SL: yup... you're right!! =) silly me...
*blushes*
SC: i agree, women can be secretive too... still...
*blushes yet again*
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JadeLondon said on Sep 24, 2006....
My husband is disturbingly honest--so, I would say 'yes'. (I could say 'watch what you wish for' because the truth sometimes hurts. But I suppose I wouldn't have him any other way.)
But concerning the other, it is a shame they cannot be forthright. Hopefully they will realise the error of their ways. That must put you in something of a bind.
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secretlife said on Sep 24, 2006....
secrets? someone mention secrets?
Yes, i believe that men and women can certainly be honest.
And that both can be dishonest. I don't think it has anything to do with what sex you are.
ed has a good point about the men vs boys tho...
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redwine said on Sep 24, 2006....
AS a man, I find that we are very seldom honest.
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hottmom said on Sep 24, 2006....
My husband is brutally honest, he tells me exactly what he is thinking, even if I don’t want to hear it. But I wouldn’t have any other way.
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Uocjat said on Sep 24, 2006....
if you ask me i dont think its a question of whos being honest
i think its more of a question of who cares to listen
men and women have diffrent ways of saying things by nature
and part of the time there will be alot of misunderstands because of this and alot of thoese times this will grow in the persons mind into something far off from what it really is and started out as
i've personally been in quite a few relationships by now that ended badly because of a single misunderstanding which i never got a chance to explain because i never had a clue that there was a problem because she never said anything
so tell me this - how can one fix a problem if one does know it excists ?
but then again that from my personal experience
and when i look around i guess its true .. men are lieing, dishonest, cheating bastards .. almost makes me ashamed of my gender
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sweetsoul said on Sep 24, 2006....
Could your opinion be biased because it's mostly women confiding in you? (assumption on my part)
As already stated I don't think either sex has a monopoly on honesty. If any thing, I think it's just more acceptable for people to talk about infidelities. They certainly aren't new.
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SoulCastMistress said on Sep 24, 2006....
sweetsoul: my guy friends also confide in me... and ironically enough, their problem also involves dishonestly and cheating on THEIR part. they get really nervous when they already have two girls in their lives and can't seem to give them equal attention... hence, i ask why didn't they break it up with the first girl... the answer is quite obvious -- they wanted to make sure they are left with someone.
Uocjat: i know what you mean, we girls have the tendency to keep mum about the things that might be bother or hurting us. this is because we assume that you already know it, as it was you who did it. we assume that you already know what it is you did that made us bitter. also, we are ashamed to tell you about these things (especially if it seems like you really don't have a clue) because you might laugh at our shallowness. don't be ashamed that you are a man, just be ashamed for those who are lying, dishonest and cheating bastards... each man is his own person.. one bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch.
hottmom: if i ever would have a husband, i would like him to be brutally honest as well... =)
redwine: guys that i know of are definitely NOT honest... i wonder if i could ever meet one that is...
SL: i know, both sexes can be dishonest at times... but we can't deny that men are doing it more often... yep, SW has point... (it would be a good topic on another post...)
Jade: as what i've said above, i would like to have an honest partner as well... i know sometimes the truth can hurt, but it can also set you free, right? trust is very important in a relationship, and it can easily be shattered if one becomes dishonest. i believe that one should be responsible for his actions, and be ready for whatever it may cost, it is his own doing after all...
thanks everyone!!! =)
SCM
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Uocjat said on Sep 24, 2006....
ok this is just my two cents so take it for what it is ..
but if a person you're in a relationship with thinks that you being bitter about something even if it just a little thing is shallow then are they really worth being with ?
personally i would urge every female out there to stand up for your selfs and tell us guys what it is we're doing that makes you mad at us and give us a chance to explain
after all telling your parther your feelings is also part of being honest
and who know we might supprise you and try to make up for what we did and try to improve our selfs ..
i know i would if ever given the chance
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SoulCastMistress said on Sep 24, 2006....
Uocjat: IMHO, females should really tell their partner about what it is that might be bothering them. that's why i myself, do.
every little thing that i find awkward, i tell my partner, so that he knows, and hopefully, he'll be sensitive enough to not do it again next time (but he isn't). sometimes guys interpret this "honestly" of mine as being maarte or being too sensitive... that's the reason why sometimes, i just keep my mouth shut and not give away any signs that i might be hurting.
btw, it's nice to know you're willing to improve yourself for your partner... =)
SCM
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Uocjat said on Sep 24, 2006....
if one couldn't improve for someone as impotent as a partner then how could one hope to improve at all ?
as for the whole honesty thing about ones feelings i guess it all a matter of balance and knowing your partner well engouth to know when is the right time so say it and when its not
alot of people already know this (atleast i hope so) but the problem is that while they're waiting for the right time they're still letting the problem grow in their heads getting more and more frustrated because the other person isnt doing anything about it .. which ofcause again is impossible when that person doesnt know it or atleast know that its a problem
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sigroid75 said on Sep 24, 2006....
i guess by now many of you are privy with my
love affair...i mean relationship...honestly, looking
back, i realized that i have the most honest man
that i can find (probably) in my hands and i haven't
been the most appreciative partner.
if i say that my boyfriend is very loyal to me and tells
me everything he does and where he goes, i think
many will raise eyebrows. but it is true. and last night,
i realized that i haven't been the kindest to him, esp
with my words and i asked for forgiveness. i realized
from a reading that even the little jokes that i pop
on him do not build him up. i decided from last night
to make good use of my tongue to build him up and
others as well, instead of joking on people...
i repented and I thank God for showing me the error
of my ways...:-)
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SoulCastMistress said on Sep 24, 2006....
Uocjat: i agree, timing is everything... and i also agree that some really do make the matter worse while waiting for the right time. even going as far as prolonging or continuously doing the wrong... there are also some intances wherein both parties know that something is amiss, and yet the "wrong-doer" still doesn't confess, or the other one doesn't confront his/her partner about the matter... (am i making sense??)
sigroid17: actually, i don't know anything about it... =) but it's okay... i'm glad you're appreciating what you have now (w/c by the way, what many of us wants)...
SCM
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JadeLondon said on Sep 24, 2006....
SCM: I am sure I could be more appreciative of his style if he could develop a little more tact.
Beyond that though, I do appreciate it. He also has the disgusting tendency of being right--even if he is a bit extremist.
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sigroid75 said on Sep 24, 2006....
hahaha if u have the chance, take a look at my
site. there you will see the pinings of a lover,
wanting to get married...the pain of waiting is
agonizing, but God is telling me that there's nothing
more to do but wait.:-)
so i'm trying to, as patiently as i can.:-) with His
grace.
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SoulCastMistress said on Sep 24, 2006....
Jade: yes, you're right... a little tact can soften the effect... a little less "ouch" when he hits the spot... =) i guess maybe he's tactless coz he knows that most of the time, he's right (like you said)... people like that often belives in themselves too much, hence, they aren't too sensitive to the feelings of other people, they feel that they are "above" others.
sigroid75: =) i would... i know i'll know a lot more about you on your blog...
SCM
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gingersoul said on Sep 24, 2006....
Lies and infidelity steam from both sexes....
I have found though that women do tend to stand less than men the guilty coming from telling lies and having secrets....while men seem to possess the peculiar ability to simply consider the past, well, past. What is done, done.
They deal better with unavoidable nature of lying but we women are master in schemes, strategies, white lies and deceiving methods.
But, again....both of us are simply stupid human beings sometimes....
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JadeLondon said on Sep 24, 2006....
SCM: You are so right. But I know some of my husband's behavior is due to insecurity. It is a facade of betterness. A compensation for the validation that he is missing and doesn't know how to seek, much less ask.
...Damn, I think I just had an epiphany.
...Thanks.
GingerSoul: You nailed it!
I think women tend to scheme more. That is why I think guys tend to be more honest. They at least admit they are liars. Scheming women seem to be so discreet, and even more superficial.
And no, I don't think all women are that way! So, I suggest if anyone wishes to attack me, perhaps it is the result of a guilty conscience? :)
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Uocjat said on Sep 25, 2006....
SCM
the cases where the guy doesnt fess up to something he knows he did wrong are sadly real and most of the time this can just be chalked up to dishosesty because they're thinking they can get a way with it since onces again none of us are mind readers (would be a great advantage in relationships sometimes)
but hopefully if a guy knew he did something wrong and he knew his partner knew then i hope he'd be smart engouth to confess rather then haveing it come up at sometime were it would only make things even worse
(if that made any sense i think its a new record for me at this time of day - i sware i'll make how ever invented 8AM regred the day they did so - and yes i know 8AM isnt that early but it is for me these days - yawn)
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letter2paris said on Sep 25, 2006....
it's not about the honesty but happiness. people don't know how to be happy and then they blame it on other people's dishonesty.
on the other hand I am sure you have honest people who would complain that being honest brings nothing but trouble. so, in the end honesty is something one has to be able to deal with. people demand it but often are not able to deal with it.
and that brings us to a simply conclusion that one just has to live in the way he/she knows best without minding what other people do.
~ HOPING YOU ARE NOT TOO LUCKY IS THE KEY! ~ http://letter2paris.googlepages.com/home
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TheNakedProfessor said on Sep 25, 2006....
I feel like it has taken me decades to become a male
chauvinist pig. I was the only male who survived a course
in Women's Studies back when I believed in total equality,
virginity and politics. I thought that women were just as
rational and reasonable as guys. Must have been the Peace & Love era dripping over into my cranium.
Dealing with feminine insecurity, being blamed or suspected of infidelity because other women are attracted, and most of all the startling discovery that 97% of all women are spies and the other 3% are asleep, have made me start to wonder just why are we struggling so hard to get along?
Hopeless heterosexuals like myself will always want women for sex, but can we hang out together? Moreover, should we even be bothering to try?
I do believe that the CIA should concentrate on female agents, women are much better spies than men and have a natural propensity for snooping.
I may be wrong. It isn't that we can't be honest. It just never seems to make a difference.
;)
TNP
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SoulCastMistress said on Sep 25, 2006....
gingersoul: i must agree with Jade... you did nail it!!
Jade: congrats on your epiphany... =)
Uocjat: lol... you made sense alright... maybe you should get up early often... =)
letter2paris: yes, i do think honestly has it's place and time...
TNP: you made me smile...! =) CIA should get more women spies... lol. i do think men and women can hang out together... makes it easier for both sexes to know more about each other outside of a romantic relationship...
SCM
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gingersoul said on Sep 25, 2006....
The Naked...oh, my..you don't even have the palest idea of how good we women are in spying you guys .....we always find out something wehn we start to look... :-P
I have to admit i could be a Top Cia Agent in this dept.
Am i proud of this?
yes and no.
Yes, because i can hunt you down if i want or need.
No, because i am not proud of doing what my SO makes me do when he lies to me.
So, it's like the egg and the chicken here..who comes first?
Thanks, SoulMistress and Jade......i knew some woman would have understood....:-)
TheNaked......i know i can talk for them two too....we will always love to hung out with some fine pal like you just..... behave! :->
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Uocjat said on Sep 25, 2006....
SCM
are you trying to kill me ? im about as nocternal as any one gets i hate morning and what ever jerk invented them in the first place .. i mean sure they might be nice but couldnt they atleast have been placed abit later in the day ? that way even us lazy people could enjoy them
oh and GS:
it was the chicken that came first since an egg can not be mutated from a singel celled organisem
:P
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SoulCastMistress said on Sep 25, 2006....
Uocjat: lol... nope, not trying to kille you here... =) i just thought that maybe if you're kinda sleepy, you see things in a different light...
and yah, i'm talking nonsense now... haha!!! it's already past 9am here, but its feels like 5 in the morning!!! it's so cold and it's raining cats and dogs outside!! brrr.... wouldn't i love to go back to sleep now... =)
gingersoul: =) birds of the same feather, may i say...? lol. i too can do unbelievable snooping and spying if i feel that something just doesn't fit... it's fun, btw, but the things you find out when you're snooping makes you wish you just let everything be... =(
SCM
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TheNakedProfessor said on Sep 26, 2006....
Uocjat-
the chicken and the egg came at the same time
based on self-replicating RNA which does not require
proteins for replication. Go to my blog and scroll to
CAUSE & EFFECT....
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