I'm at Walmart today checking out.
Yes, I shop at evil Walmart. Especially when I don't have time to go eight different places to get everything I need...hence, I am saving gas, and therefore not contributing to "global warming"...err, I mean climate change.
Snort, save the polar bears, shop at Walmart.......as if.
Anyway, I'm on the checkout line with two mothers of newborns (the babies are each in different carts). They're both wearing sweatpants that are too small......the mothers I mean, not the babies. One of the moms needs her pants pulled up very badly (she's got big ole plumber's butt)......I want to take her aside and say, "Listen, sweetheart, I don't know if you're aware of this, but we can all see your butt crack. And hey, if that's what you intended then, so be it, but I'm just saying......."
I hesitate, maybe with the bad economy, she is out of work and can't afford to buy new hot pink sweatpants....and a matching hot pink graffiti jacket.......we are at Walmart, after all.
Maybe I could offer to buy her some......but alas, she is gone.
There's another mom behind me with a crying baby..........I make the assumption that the baby is crying because it's in one of those carriers that faces that baby outward and it looks like mom and baby are going skydiving.......I think about saying "Honey, why don't you just turn the little peanut around, so she doesn't feel like she's bailing out of a B-52 at 30,000 feet?"
I stop myself again....she might take it the wrong way.
Then I look over and see the new Hannah Montana Whole Grain Secret Identity Cereal on the rack next to me.
As I start to put my items on the conveyor belt, I wonder, "I get the whole grain thing, but what's with the secret identity? Does the cereal have a secret identity? Is it just masquerading as whole grain, or do you develop a secret identity when you eat the cereal?"
And yes, I did find everything I needed at Walmart.
