i wanted to destroy something beautiful.
No. that isn't it. my words have and will always be mine. they haven't been lost. they've been stowed away, treasured. they'll be put somewhere special to be caressed by eyes and fingers, not limited to pixels on a screen to be evaluated and criticised by strangers.
ironically, at a time when there's so much possibility for change, when things are falling apart with the possibility of being taped back together all wrong, i feel like nothing's happened. nothing's changed. everything's moving in slow motion but at the same time it's impossible to stop.
so, i'm reclaiming my thoughts, my past, my journey. mine.
i'm not allowing other people to take priority in my life, my relationship.
i'm refusing to hide behind protocol, to be polite because that's what is expected, to give up so much to be honourable and good when the people i'm exposed to rarely give their actions a second thought.
i'm not turning a blind eye to those who wrong me just because they can.
i'm not justifying my actions to anybody unless they've earned my trust. i'm not being made to feel inferior.
i'm not letting my love escape. i'm not giving up until it's been made blindingly clear that i'm no longer wanted.
i'm not accepting half truths or lies. i am accepting that there are things i can't change and don't like.
and, if there's anything left after this is all over, i'm starting again.
