It has been crazy around here lately. I didn't realize how many things you have to do to get ready for your spouse to deploy.
I have been in denial that he is leaving, but now that it is less than 2 weeks away, I feel pit of my stomach turning 24/7. I am upbeat and positive in front of my husband. He needs not to worry any more than necessary. Inside I am terrified and depressed.
I already see my husband looking down and that just breaks my heart. He has this look about him and you can tell the way that he looks at our baby he is not looking forward to missing out on so much. He had his heart set on seeing him take his first steps, but the little guy seems content crawling around at mock 3 :)
Originally he was to be here for his FIRST birthday...Now he will be gone. Of course we will celebrate before he leaves and if all goes well he will be here for his second birthday. If not, we can celebrate on another day...He is little enough to not know the difference and for that I am grateful.
None of his family is coming to see him off and that really really pisses me off. They all flew in to Rhode Island when his brother left, and when he came back for R&R and when he finally came home for good. It's a bunch of crap if you ask me. They had the nerve to ask him to fly back home for his R&R...HELLO HE IS MARRIED TO ME..Yes he is coming home to his wife.." What is wrong with you people?" They also wanted to make sure if anything happened that they were the the ones to be contacted. Again he had to tell them that he was married and that if he was injured I would be contacted and then I could contact them. They also wondered about his will. I mean seriously. Yes my husband (God forbid) is going to leave all his money to his parents and not his children. Ughhhhhh...It was hard for me to shut my mouth, but he let them know again that he was married and not single like his brother, so I was the contact person, I was the one on the Power of Attorney, I was the one in his Will. They were upset!!!!!!!! Yikes.
Of course my wonderful and supportive sister rearranged her schedule to fly in with her husband to say goodbye. I say rearrange because his deployment was moved up two weeks and they already had tickets. Yes they are coming twice now. Oh how blessed am I to have a sister and brother in law who are so loving and concerned to beable to do this for us. There are no words to ever describe how much I love those two.
I am looking at this as a way to really bare down and save as much as possible so we have a nice size bank account to show for his sacrifice. I want him to be half as proud of me taking care of the household as I am of him for all his sacrifice and for being such a wonderful father and husbnd.
His pay is screwed up again and now with the deployment being moved up, it seems as though it is going to be even longer before his pay issue is resolved. He will have to try and take care of it over in IRaq. We were counting on the money to buy my PC because he is taking this one (his laptop) with him. I will have to really cut corners so I can purchase a PC so we can talk. Around here, the husbands call on a very rare occasion because of the cost and all communication is done through IM. That has me a little depressed, but it also has me up to the challenge of going without as much as possible to afford another computer.
Although I am terrified, I am trying to look at this as the biggest challenge of my life and I am determined to make my husband proud and to take care of our finances and be in a much better place with our bills paid off when he gets back.
Wish me luck. May the terror and fear drive me to greatness. It must.....Our family is depending on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Prayers for my husbands safety and well being would be great!!!!