This is a bit of a rant, but I need to get it off my chest - sorry.
My mother, (bless her) has upset the whole family - again! She has recently been away on holiday with my sister in law and two nieces, a disaster waiting to happen if you ask me, but my poor naive sister in law thought it would be good for her!
Just the idea of a holiday with my Mother is enough to send me racing to the Doctor for every tranquilliser known to man, I've managed to avoid it for the last thirty years, and the longest time we've spent under the same roof is two days - I've learnt by experience. She managed to make everyone cry, including herself, and why - because she just doesn't think before she speaks.
This is nothing new, she has always been the same and has no idea of the negative impact she can have. Amongst many things nieces were told they were rude, had big lips and one had a big bum - not something you say to self conscious teenagers. It bought back memories of my own teenage years. She can't seem to help herself. She seems to think its her God given right to tell everyone how awful they are, what they should and shouldn't be doing with their lives, and yet take absolutely no criticism herself. She starts, like a vulture at dawn, picking fault, nipping and tearing away at your self esteem until at the end of the day you crawl, like the worthless worm you feel you are, under the duvet and hope to never come out.
I would love to tie a tape recorder around her neck, just for twenty four hours, that would be enough I can assure you! Maybe then, maybe, she would understand why people get upset by the things she says. I often think about the relationships my friends have, or have had with their mothers, and wonder where the hell I went wrong. At times I have been jealous, thought I must be the most obnoxious child known to man, and wondered what I could do to make up for all the terrible things I did or didn't do as a child and young adult, but I have at long last come to the conclusion that, although far from perfect, I'm no worse than any other daughter, I 'm human.
I hasten to add, its only the family that get this abuse, the rest of the world think she's marvelous, and in many ways she is. She's the one who will visit and support those who are near the end of their lives, when all the rest of their so called friends have long since abandoned them. She can be very kind and thoughtful, but rarely to the family.
I'm sure I'm not alone, there will be others out there just the same - one of these days I will pluck up the courage to tell her, but she is fragile, she had a hard childhood, so I will bide my time, and wait for the right moment..................... Will it ever come? I think I'm just a coward! I'll keep you posted!
