OK so I used to be a fairly big fish in a semi-large pond ... now, it seems my size has significantly diminished. I've been trying to deny it, but it's been a little tough on the ego - more so than I had originally anticipated. I was feeling all high and mighty in my Zen self-awareness, thinking this was beneath me - after all, I am a budding Boddhisattva - no ego traps here! LOL - but the truth is that I miss being a big shot, even if I didn't always take advantage of the privileges it held.
No more parking spot for Dr. Wishy, no more secretary, no more title, no more generous salary - I actually qualify for food stamps given my current rate of earnings!
And then there are the smaller indignities -
The new university is up a "hill" - let me preface this by saying we are in the mountains, and in fact, everything is up a hill. Relatively speaking, my former university was on a hill - this one is in the Himalayas. I keep expecting to see a yetti on my way to the office.
I start the morning by parking someplace that resembles a construction pit, then climbing more than 100 stairs to get halfway to my destination. I am thinking about changing my name to Heidi and learning to yodel.
I had my own office at the former uni - granted it was next to the storage closet and smelled like ass, but it was mine. Now, I share with 4 other people - people who weigh less than my 10 month old nephew and are constantly turning off the AC because they are cold. Needless to say, the menopausal Amazon does not really appreciate this too much!
And, in the Christian spirit - it 'tis indeed better to give than receive - especially when it comes to exams. I am experiencing a fair amount of performance anxiety, worried if I will be able to get it up in time to pass my courses. There's a lot riding on it - I came into this with a great deal of expectation for success. How would it look for my first doctorate if I was unable to complete the second? My credibility would be completely shot!
On the bright side - I survived my first week - little fishy, big big pond! More than that, I already see the relevance and utility of what I am struggling to learn. I have even more research ideas dancing in my head than I did when I came here, and I am in love with the interdisciplinary collaboration happening at every turn.
Weigh it out, and I have no legitimate complaints. But sometimes, it's good to whine!
Cheese and crackers, anyone?
