Sometime soon, I'm going to be going through a difficult time. Small signs of it are showing now. I'll be going through a
'relapse' of sorts. No I'm not a drug addict or anything like that. What I'm talking about, is all this year I have been working to better myself, and change things about me. Lately, I've been falling back into some old habits. Of compulsively worrying about things I shouldn't, making myself feel like I'm alone. I haven't started beating myself up yet, which is a good thing. (not literally.) Of coarse I give myself a mental slap whenever this happens. However, I just know it's going to get worse. I know that either I fight through it, or fall back. I have to stop this before my
'demons' get involved again. I couldn't possibly let myself deal with that again. I'm not sure if I let it get that far that I'd be able to fight back up again. It would be a lot harder, even if I had support.
Sometimes.... I wish I was just completely fucked up. Addicted to drugs, and wasting my life away. ... that's how I know there is going to be a 'battle' in the future. Why would I want that for myself? It's ridiculous.
No matter, I'll get through this.
