Sunday I went fishing with a very good friend of mine. It was just what I needed because as of late I've been very depressed. It was an overcast evening and it sprinkled just a little bit but then started to clear. It was really nice to be out there and see all the nature around us. I caught two catfish and a bluegill. We had a great time. I had so much on my mind and it was weighing heavy on me. I decided to be brave and tell my friend a little of what I was bummed about. I told him about my dating woes and he was really cool about it. Maybe I shouldn't keep everything inside. I actually felt a little bit better telling him. There is just so much weighing on me. There's the dating thing I mentioned, my grand dad has blood clots in his lungs and I'm worried about him, I'm worried about finding a better job, worried about my future, my brother cause he's careless with money, my parents cause they are getting older, and the ever present, always painful, thoughts of my ex. I had a dream about her this morning. I keep thinking, God what the hell is wrong with me? Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to recover. Then to hear she is so damn happy with her man. It fucking kills me. My mind is my worst enemy because I have these stupid dreams where we get back together. They seem so real too. They always make me want to talk to her and spill my guts but I know that would be a very ugly thing to do and nothing good would come from it. I'm so frustrated with myself. I'm such an impossible person at times. It's so pointless to feel for someone that does not care. I just wish I could forget all about her. Everyday is the same for me. Things have got to change soon.