With my boyfriend tonight.  We've been together for over a year, I guess we are close to 1 year and 4 months now.  He's 10 years younger than me and things had been rough the last couple of weeks.  He quit his job in July and things had been rough for him, but only cause he made it that way.  I've stood by him this whole time and told him I was not going anywhere, but after having discussions each night about how he feels like he's letting me down and I'm going to leave and he doesn't want to disappoint me, it gets hard to be with someone like that.  When you keep telling someone that you are going to be there, and you want to be with them, for them to keep insisting that you could find someone better and leave, it makes you feel like they don't trust you.  He certainly apparently didn't believe me. 

The ironic part to this is 3 years ago I was dating this guy who I believed was perfect.  He was so much more better than I was, or so I believed, that I always feared he was going to leave me.  And in the name of honesty, I would tell him how I felt and my fears.  When he broke up with me, he explained that I had made him miserable with my fears and the constant worrying.  I always thought he was going to cheat or be seduced away, even though I knew he wasn't the type of guy to cheat on who he was dating.  I never got why he told me I made him miserable until this past week.  I get it.  When someone is always doubting how you feel for them, it does make you miserable.  It makes you fall out of love because they don't feel your love and there's nothing more you can do. 

I told my boyfriend tonight that if he can get his life in some sort of order we can talk.  But I honestly can't take the daily chats about how he thinks he is letting me down, or making me not proud of him.  They are only making me more and more aggravated at him.   Do I think we will get back together?  No, I don't see him ever getting to a point where he is MAN enough to be with me.  And that's sad, I'd really let myself fall for him.