It takes a lot of courage and strength for an imperfect woman to be naked. Men need to understand that. Ive created enough pretend confidence that im able to get out of my own head long enough to be intimate. Insecurity is always in the back of my mind. I just try to ignore it long enough to enjoy myself. Its a very fragile system that I have. Just one insensitive remark can send me in a downward spiral into prude ville.
Phil made an insensitive remark, he didnt mean it negatively, he just wasnt using his head...
I have refused sex the past few days bc of it. We had a discussion about it bc he didnt understand what my problem was. He said he didnt mean it badly and he said he was sorry and he thinks its over and I should jump right back on. I tried telling him its not that easy.
Im not mad at him, I told him its not his fault, I accepted his apology. I just need a little time to rebuild my false sense of confidence. I need a little time to get back out of my own head...
Having the baby has made that even harder, my body isnt what it was before. Shit I never liked my body and being pregnant was a cool excuse for my body. My middle was chubby before baby but after baby I look like a deflated balloon.
Id get on an excersize program but right now there is zero time. Im running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to finalize my wedding plans. It doesnt help that the wedding site is 40 minutes from where I live, back and forth back and forth. Ive now gone back to work fulltime. I have a castle of a house to maintain, a baby to take care of and a bunch of family around....its insane.
However, I need to get with it, ive got two weeks left and my wedding dress is STILL too tight! So the only way now sense ive dilly dallied, is to not eat for two weeks. : <
