• uniquely-ironic said on Aug 17, 2009....

  It's good to see you again.  I hear you on the dating issues.  I wish I had answers, and could probably tell you what everyone seems to say, but the reality is that you could be right about being alone.  (fucking ray of sunshine, aren't I?)  However, if it's true, and it most likely isn't, maybe the thing to do is to build a life that you like.  Maybe starting over somewhere else isn't an awful idea.  Give it some thought.  My PM is always open to you. :)

• Hegemone said on Aug 17, 2009....

  Well Nick, glad to see you posting, although sorry to hear things aren't going well for you again.  I think perhaps getting away for a while and just being yourself, by yourself, could be good.  Forget about the dating scene for a little while, or rather, pretend you're dating yourself and then work your way up to others.  I just want to see you happy, and I think maybe concentrating on yourself for a little while could help.  Making some big changes for yourself, as Uni said, might be a good thing.  Keep us updated please.

• SlickNick said on Aug 17, 2009....

  Thank you both. I have a lot of friends but I'm not sure how they would react to me being depressed. You see I try hard to laugh and have a good time with my friends and try not to burden them with my problems. Sometimes I just wish I had someone to talk to. I've made the mistake in the past in confiding in people I'm dating. Just to let others know. BIG MISTAKE! Don't ever do that. So basically I've just kept it all pent up inside and kept to myself regarding how I really feel inside. I really think there is a difference now though between how I deal with my depression now compared to how I used to deal with it. I used to drink, stay at home in my room, and wallow in self pity. Now I'm always looking for answers. I'm always pushing myself to do something to get my mind off my negative thoughts. I mean sure I'm still quite depressed and feel pretty unfulfilled and empty, but I'm actively trying to figure out what I can do to feel better. I must say at the moment there aren't many options but at least I have a few options to work with. That's better than nothing. I mean there are many people worse off than I am regardless if I think I have the worse luck in the world. You know I have quite a lot to be thankful for. You know Uni and Hege, you both always come through for me even when it's been forever since I posted and everyone has stopped reading me. I definitely have that to be thankful for. ((((huggies)))  

• uniquely-ironic said on Aug 17, 2009....

  Slick, it does sound like you're going in the right direction.  At least now, despite the dismal opportunities, you're looking for the answer.  I think that's all anyone can do anyhow.  Look.  Sometimes coming here to talk about the negative feelings can be freeing.  You don't have to worry about overburdening RL friends.  I also have found the friends here to be mega supportive.  Here's a hug for the road. :)
   
  {{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}

• Hegemone said on Aug 17, 2009....

  Well Nick, I agree with Uni, you're still going in the right direction, you're looking for progress and that's always good.  Don't lose that.  I'm just glad that you still come here when things are getting rough and do reach out.  I know I've sure gotten my use out of that benefit and it helps me worlds. 
  
  ((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) .... and some ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*WARM FUZZIES!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

• UnicornForm said on Aug 17, 2009....

  Live in the moment, not the past nor future!

• UnicornForm said on Aug 17, 2009....

  Live in the moment, not the past nor future!

• queenparanoia said on Aug 17, 2009....

  i think you need to start somethingnew in your life... new job.. new environment... anything... and you know what accept the pain... it's a part of moving on...

• SlickNick said on Aug 18, 2009....

  My best friend is thinking about moving to Florida. He has lived there before and knows I've been in a rut for a long time. He told me that once he is established there that he could help me find a job and we could rent a place there. It might take awhile but at least it's something to look forward to. I think that there things might turn around for me. I don't see much changing for me if I stay here. You know through all my struggles I still don't understand why I have all this pain. I know the divorce was traumatic for me but she has moved on. Why can't I? All I seem to do is cover it up but it always raises to the surface eventually. I try to live in the moment but when everyday is exactly the same it seems the moment is all I have. I think the only good thing is that I have become more comfortable with myself by myself. Yet at the same time I feel like I get lost in myself sometimes which isn't always a good thing. 

• Hegemone said on Aug 18, 2009....

  Well that sounds like a wonderful opportunity Nick!  I hope everything works out in that regard.  It might just boil down to new scenery, experiences and routines.  I want to ask you, do you seem to at least be getting better at covering up those emotions?  If so, then maybe you really are 'dealing with it' or 'moving on' and you just don't realize it.  If you don't feel you're doing so great at covering it up, well (and don't think me dumb for asking), have you ever really just sat down and LET yourself feel everything?  Just get it all out, don't hide from it, don't try to press it away, just feel it, let it wash over you, and then pick yourself up once that wave has settled?  There are so many different ways to grieve (lost relationships are just as important to 'grieve' as lost loved ones), and you'll find your way in time if you haven't already.  Hang in there, looks like things could be getting better for you!  ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

• UnicornForm said on Aug 18, 2009....

  no getting lost in yourself sucks, im still swimming to get out so grab the edge why you can.

• SlickNick said on Aug 18, 2009....

  Well Hege, I do think I'm getting somewhat better at covering up my emotions. My problem is I've never really stopped feeling everything. My grieve does come in waves though. Sometimes I can deal with it and everything is peachy, but other times it feels as if the world is coming down around me. I still miss my ex everyday. I think about her all the time. I remember everything. All these memories are like old reruns repeating in my head. I am less negative about it though than I used to be. I don't think it's bad to remember and cherish those good times we shared. I think it's only bad when it hinders me from trying to find someone new. And sure it's sad, and I can't help but wonder about her. I wonder if she ever remembers, and if she really is happy with her new man, or if she is really missing me too but is too full of pride to say anything. I can hope I guess but it's doubtful. Then I wonder if I really am that forgettable. So you see it's like a cycle with me. I have my ups and downs. Just trying to make my tomorrows better than my yesterdays. I think the main difference is that I have more hope now and I think my attitude is getting better. Although it's a slow process, it's progress none the less. 

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