Friday August 14th, 2009
As happy as I am right now, my life is a complete and utter mess! I'm the type of person who can barely sleep knowing that there's something I didn't do or left uncleaned. I'm a huge perfectionist and like things to be very, very orderly. Ironically enough, my life meets absoultely none of these expectations. But, I'm actually really satisfied with life right now no matter how ugly and messy it is at the moment. Oh, oh, oh -- I moved in with Hayden! (Kind of). Well, we moved some of my things in yesterday and very little today, but we're working on it; slowly but surely. Everyone asked what the 'rush' was, and I just smiled. Right now for me, the faster the better.
Today's been an exceptionally slow day -- slept late, woke up late. Lounged around doing literally nothing all day except hovering over the laptop and talking to my sister and SFAM. Goofed around with Hayden afterwards, but what else is new? It's a lot of fun to simply talk about the most random of subjects and then laugh at our younger selves (I've known him for 5 years, but we were friends for only 3 of them) ^_^. We also made plans to hit the beach with Arianne and our other friends on Monday and an amusement park a couple days after that!
Even though I'm seemingly very happy right now, there is one thing that's been gnawing away at me for a while now. My aunt called my parents. She told them what the doctor told us and this is the reason they're coming over. My parents are complete workaholics -- I take after this gene during the school year, haha -- so for them to drop all work plans and fly back here is almost unheard of. Even my brother's taking time off work to come back -- my parents told him what my aunt told them. In fact, they should all be here within the next hour or so. I'm very anxious about all this.
Putting it very midly, I'm having liver failure. How? Even I don't know, to be honest. I've always considered myself a pretty healthy person. But, well, that's life for you. (This is also the reason I've been in and out of the doctors recently). They say that I can do this treatment, and yeah, but to be honest I really don't want to. It's not going to change the outcome of anything.
It's the whole 'what's next?' feeling that's scaring me right now.
Which is what we'll be discussing as a family...in an hour's time? -__-
- Jun (and somewhat scared)
