My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years. We have a 2 1/2 yr old daughter. Sometimes I feel unloved, unwanted, unattractive and unimportant. He doesn't show me any affection or attention. He is a GREAT father though. He is always playing and talking to our daughter, And just the way he looks at her shows me how much he cares. I'm just wondering how I can get that some love affection and attention from him as his wife? He works five days a week but not on the weekends. So even on his days off if I try to kiss him or hug him he sighs and says he is "Tired" tired from what?? I take care of the house, the laundry, our daughter and I'm a pretty girl also. What could it be? I"m so hurt and aggravated sometimes that I just cry. I've tried talking to him to tell him that it hurts me when I try to give him a small hug or a kiss and he just pushes me to the side. but he says he thinks he shows me how much he loves me. He just doesn't get it. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't even want to be with me. somebody please give me some advice on what I can do to make him understand that I need love also.
kicam22 posted on Aug 13, 2009
| views: 402
Comments
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javadewd said on Aug 14, 2009....
Perhaps it is because you type everything in BOLD!?
Show the man some respect. Do things for him. My wife lays out a pair of socks for me, because she knows what a hassle it is for me to cross the hall to get them myself when I get out of the shower. Find his love language. Find YOUR love language. This couldn't have just suddenly come about, this has no doubt been building for a while. Did he try to show you love and was silently rejected for so long that he finally just gave up!? Men aren't the family dog. If you kick them enough times, pull their ears and stomp their balls, they stop coming up to you.
It's all about teamwork. Is he busting his ass all day at work only to find that he's taking care of (and raising) your daughter without any help? Is he overwhelmed with a "honey do" list the size of Mt. Everest? Is there something physiologically wrong with him? Maybe his opinion ("Honey, what's wrong?") is actually worth more than accepting a "nothing" response...
Women need love. Men need respect. If you're not getting any love, there is a good chance that your man thinks he isn't getting any (or enough) respect. If he's mild-mannered, then he probably feels like he isn't getting enough HELP. He doesn't want affection -- or perhaps now that the kid is here and amidst her terrible twos he just wants a good ten minutes of silence and a sloppy blow job -- as much as he wants somebody to help unburden him of his load.
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ALIENated said on Aug 14, 2009....
I have no clue. The tables are turned around here. I have chased my wife around the house from day one. I keep hearing this story and do not understand it. If I did not want my wife (about every five minutes of the day), I would move on and find someone I do want. Have you tried meeting him at the door naked? Maybe he is a homo.
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javadewd said on Aug 14, 2009....
Ah, I didn't think of that. You're probably right, he's a closet homo. Tell you what, how about you post a picture of yourself so we can see what he's not getting... You can censor it out as necessary, clothing optional... -
voiceofreason said on Aug 18, 2009....
I hate to sound like a pessimist, but has it ever occurred to you, that maybe he just doesnt find you attractive, you could have gained a couple of extra pounds from the pregnancy, that he does not particularly fancyor maybe he is having an affair (call cheaters), he certainly would not care about paying you any attention, if he is getting his worth wild, somewhere else.or maybe u can simply be blowing this out of portion, is it possible that he provides you with the same amount of attention, but now you just feel like you have been bumped from his #1, to #2. -
javadewd said on Aug 18, 2009....
Now that's just down right fear-mongering right there!
Show this so-called "voice of reason" your 'credentials!'
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zilgurl said on Aug 19, 2009....
I feel sorry for you kimcam- some of the above remarks sound like they are coming from very sexist men. Whilst the initial attraction to you may have been based on your looks, if real love is in your relationship it is not about the externals- if it is then its a pretty shallow relationship. It comes from within. The real key is about how much do you love yourself.I cant believe the person that responded with having to bet his socks when hes in the shower. Again those actions ocurr out of love not out of duty. Also how much do you and he connect on the same level. Do you do any activities together, do you have any common interests together.
You could try reverse psychology i.e. get a life of your own. do things without him, join clubs that you are interested in, go out with out hiom with your girlfriends etc. Sometimes if you paly hard to get then he might realise what hes missing.
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javadewd said on Aug 19, 2009....
Yes, get a life of your own. That's how my parents ended up separated and my father with a mistress. Great advice! -
anonymous said on Aug 23, 2009....
I agree with developing a life outside your husband. I don't mean going to clubs or that kind of thing but start going to lunch with a female friend, to the park, or any number of activities that don't involve getting hit on by pervs like the ones posting here. These shallow, self centered cavemen have no idea what you are going through! There is one of 2 things that has happened, Your husband has gone to the extreme of being a father taking all the affection away from you to give to your daughter or God forbid he is abusing her. Look for signs of this. Does he react strongly if you want to take your daughter somewhere without him? does he take her places without you very often or does he talk you out of going with them? Do you leave your daughter alone with him very often? Does she fuss or cry when you leave her alone with him? You really need to look very closely at their relationship. -
savagepatience said on Aug 24, 2009....
This is a crucial stage in a relationship and a stage in which most relationships fail. The bloom is off the rose, as it were. You are no longer basking in the newlywed feeling. Sex is probably getting kind of routine and the struggles of daily living are stressing you both out. The real issue here is that you stopped listening to each other too long ago and now it's habit. Taking care of a young child at home is hard. And while he probably has some idea how hard it is for you, he does not know. At the same time, you do not know how hard his day has been either. He wants more acknowledgment of the sacrifices that he has made for you and you want to same from him. So, what's really going on? My advice is to see a marriage counselor. I'm guessing any attempt at talking about this with him will just cause him to withdraw further into his own little self-pity party. You are also focused so deeply on your own needs that you feel so resentful that you don't care about his needs. Bottom line. Figure it out or get a divorce. This is how toxic families are made. Your little girl does not deserve to have to be in the middle of this.
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