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My Bethy

seer posted on Aug 11, 2009 | views: 175 | Tags: first love, Depressing, drunk blogging isnt good after working 17 hours, love
She was my first love.
 
We haven't spoken in nealy 4 years.
 
She was pure, beatiful and loved me as unconditionally as I loved her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I would have died for her without a moment's hesitiation and she would have done the same.
 
I loved everything about her.
 
We used to get lost in each other, I remember once, in a pub, with friends, I whispered 'I love how my hand can span your whole back' and she kissed me. Our friend broke the spell by saying 'bloody hell, we lost them, AGAIN!'.
 
Our song was 'My Immortal' by evanescance.
 
I still cry when I hear it.


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Comments

  • simplyconfused said on Aug 11, 2009....
    *Hug*  It sounds like you two were madly in love.  You should definitely feel happy that you got to experience an amazing love. ^_^  
  • Hegemone said on Aug 11, 2009....
    Well it is beautiful that you have had this experience and know what that kind of love feels like.  Good song too, although I cry when I hear it for different reasons.
  • secretlife said on Aug 11, 2009....
    nobody ever forgets their first love.
     
  • pusscat said on Aug 12, 2009....
    I'm glad you were able to have that love seer.  I always believe that things end because they need to remain special in our hearts and minds.  If certain things continued we may have found the perfection slowly cracking, things going wrong so I believe that's why they end when they do.

    Sorry I missed you on IM last night hun but I was shattered after having another 'hyper' day.
  • seer said on Aug 12, 2009....
    Meh, I was just a little depressed from working 7am-midnight, then I had a few too many beers and let my mind wonder.
     
    :) I'm ok really.
     
    Hege, why does that song make you cry?
  • raindove said on Aug 14, 2009....
    i behave like that when in love so it sounds familiar, i get totally aborbed. no wonder illusion is my 2nd name. i think somebody should just shake me out of my idealism, i am yet to give up on my little girl fantasies and wonder. god help me.
  • seer said on Aug 14, 2009....
    Why do you need to stop your idealism?
     
    Don't. Please. Keep looking, keep trying, and one day you'll find that all-consuming love at first sight. ((((hugs))))
  • raindove said on Aug 14, 2009....
    really, you are the only one who thinks so seer, lets team up against the whole world :-)
  • seer said on Aug 14, 2009....

    Lol. I know two couples who I believe to be perfect. If they can find it why can't we!!

    NEVER be afraid to fall in love. When you're afraid to get hurt that's when you stop looking and that fear controls you, it owns you, and stops you from finding love. It doesn't matter how many times I get messed about, I'll still keep my heart where it belongs - on my sleeve! :D

  • raindove said on Aug 14, 2009....
    lol thats where it belongs - on your sleeve :D
    i say you are one cheeky believer, keep going!
  • pusscat said on Aug 15, 2009....
    That's lovely what you just said seer.  There aren't many young men of your age (hope that doesn't come across as condesending) that think and believe as you do and, if they do, they most certainly keep it to themselves.  That's where I keep my heart too lol!  I pray you always keep your ideals as some girl is going to have a wonderful life with you :-)
  • seer said on Aug 15, 2009....
    One day, puss.
     
    I think half the problem is I WON'T settle for mediocracy in any aspect of my life. I will not just be a mediocre chef to get me through college, and I will not be in a relationship where we have to 'make' things work, I want things to just be 100% - is that too much to ask?!!?
  • Hegemone said on Aug 15, 2009....
    Seer - Sorry it took me so long to get back to this!  Guess I lost it in the shuffle.  As to the reason why that song makes me cry, silly probably .... but it reminds me of my dog who's no longer with us, and then also my grandma, and when I'm in a certain mood it has the ability to break me down.
  • seer said on Aug 15, 2009....

    Aww hege that's not silly at all!

    There are two songs that make me cry WITHOUT reminding me of anything at all. I think it just shows that you have a soul.

    Music, for people with a soul, unlike my ex, is powerful and moving to the point of elation, or uncontrollable sobbing.

  • seer said on Aug 15, 2009....
    If you have eleven minutes to spare, try this song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GguVsNE1aEg But I don't mean put it on in the background and do housework, I mean literally turn it up, shut your eyes and let your mind wonder.
     
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXBo2MvtpaQ&feature=fvwOr this, but ignore the video, once again, let your mind wonder. And listen to it on something with good bass, too.
     
    The second song I believe makes people who are sort of 'in tune' with music cry because of the emotional ride it takes you on, and just the tempo - fast&happy, slow&mournful, fast&happy etc. And if you listen really carefully to the kickdrum at the end you'll notice its quite a bit faster than a human pulse - techno uses this all time to increase the heart beat of its listeners (it is often said there are many similarities between techno and metal), and I think that the long lead up to the epic bit at the end (with the techno-style kickdrum) makes your moods more submissive to the music - it makes you receptive and used to changing to the music, then the drum at the end raises your pulse, and I think maybe that makes people choke up - sort of confuses you if you know what I mean.
     
    I'm probably talking shit, but listen and see what you think! 
  • Hegemone said on Aug 15, 2009....
    Well when you put it that way, you're right, it's not very silly at all.  Makes me feel a little less embarrassed about some of the other songs that get to me with no reason at all, because I've got a few of those also.  They just spark something in me and off I go crying ... or, yeah, lol ... uncontrollably sobbing until it's over.
  • pusscat said on Aug 15, 2009....
    Holy shit seer those pieces are incredible.  Her voice is fantastic!

    I love a powerful voice combined with powerful music.  I usually find that the main songs from many famous musicals will bring a lump to my throat especially if you heard them sung by John Barrowman (Captain Jack - Torchwood). 

    One song that will do it for me every time is Bridge Over Troubled Water but only if it's the original or sung by Rhydian (from X Factor who should have won).  His voice can compare with any powerful orchestra then go down to the softest sweetest note that is only just audible.  Quite breath taking.
  • seer said on Aug 15, 2009....
    Puss they've got a load of albums out! The only one I cant see you loving is Dark Passion Play. Well its worth getting some of amazon!
     
    I think if you listen to Spandou Ballet - Through the barricades or Sting - Fields of Gold, or something like what I just showed you, and NOT feel anything, you must have something wrong with you.
  • seer said on Aug 15, 2009....
    I suppose Nightwish will always be special for me, because I got into them in a very difficult - and beautiful time. It was actually when the afore-mentioned girl was in my life, we had a mere ten days together, and I had to go to work in France for 92 days.
     
    I used to write to her every day, but because of the delay in shipping we would only get them once every five. We used to put a date at the top of the letter and so we could read them in order. We both used £700 a month on the phone bills. I used to walk five miles to the nearest payphone, and look forwards to it.
     
    The contract wasn't what it cracked up to be, the company sucked and it was hell.
     
    After that I realised to further my career as a canoe instructor I needed to get more power in my upper body, I got injured beefing up in a rock climbing accident.
     
    For eight months she nursed me, and we fell deeper in love.
     
    Life had a brutal beauty about it back then. I would work where I could, which meant travelling wherever the work took me, sleeping rough sometimes, spending days not eating, but doing it in the most beautiful places I'd ever been to, the Alps and Med.
     
    It was in the eight months after the injury I got into nightwish, and I suppose the following year, my life, and views on it, really came into being.
     
    Sorry I'm just rambling.
     
    Anyway, nightwish reminds me of an amazing time, a hard time, but beautiful none the less. I hope it effects you the same way it does me!
     
  • TheEmpress said on Aug 18, 2009....
    Music. Music is my life. I don't think I have ONE moment where I don't associate music in some way shape or form..  even if just to remember.

    I admire your strength in keeping the faith. KEEP that heart on your sleeve. yes.  For one day it will be shown to the right person.

    I know this from experience. (even though I have a long road ahead of me, a journey of proving strength and endurance to get to the goal at hand)

    Everyone is right. Be happy that you experienced the love you had with Beth, never dwell that it is lost, for you will have something even greater still, when the time comes.
     
    I look at lifes experiences.. as something that makes us ready for whats to come. Makes us strong enough to be able to handle it.  Cause you have to admit, some can not handle everything handed to them. Even love. Love so great that it makes the soul sing. 

    My first 'love' has left this world. But before he did, he made me realize my worth long enough for me to see my worth.
    Now I will love again, because of him. :)
    OH me oh my.. now it is I who rambles!  hee hee

    Chin up!
  • seer said on Aug 22, 2009....
    I know empress.
     
    I don't regret anything in my life. Not even the bad things. Every dark time has made every light time seem that little bit brighter, and if half the things that looked bad at the time hadn't happened, I would be in a different situation to the one I am in, I may not be happy at all if bad things never happened.
  • Taffy000 said on Sep 30, 2009....

    That's sweet and sad.  I'm not even sure I had a first love.  I had a whole lot of one night stands & boys who found me pretty enough to fu*k but they wanted no part of a relationship.  This situation I have now is the closest thing I've felt to first love.  This guy really loves me and I really love him.  We can't stop kissing, touching.  I feel like a 40 year old teenager!  I live for the weekend when we can share a bed.  I wonder how it's going to end but I don't worry about it.  I live one day at a time.

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