Hi everyone

I hope you wont judge me. I'm having an affair with my ex Dom, I told you all about that, how I was trying the lifestyle and, well, I couldn't do it. It made me anxious and fearful. I thought I was a sub type, but really when it came to it, i'm really just a people pleaser.

so I told him I couldn't do it anymore..he was fine with that but doesn't want to let me go, and I think I'm in love with him. So he lives in the States and i'm in Ireland. His next visit is in 2 months. We email several times a day and recently started using skype, which is great because it's so much better to see and talk to him. He's helping me sort out my finances, which are a mess and I'm leaning on him more and more.

I read an article last night about having affairs with married men. It said you should ask yourself 'do I want to be in this relationship more than I want to be out of it?' and ask yourself that every month. My answer is, I want to be in in..for now. He's helping me get over my abusive marriage, he gives me good advice on how to feel better about myself, things to do to challenge my wrong thinking and my low self esteem. I have a counsellor and its uncanny the way they echo one another.

He has never pretended to me that he will leave his wife, I'm under no illusions about that. I know this relationship has a short shelf life, but he makes me feel better about myself. I have few friends and he encourages me to reach out to people. I know he's a cheat and many would condemn both him and me. His wife is beautiful and he does not deny that he's in love with her, but he's highly-sexed and I'm not the first and won't be the last, though he doesn't admit to that, well, I'm not stupid. He doen't see he doing anything wrong. Ok he doesn't want her to find out because she'd be so hurt and would probably leave him, and I wouldn't blame her. I struggle with jealousy, of course, being on the fring of his life is no fun and I'll never be anything else. I just hope in time I get strong enough to end it.

I've been cheated on, and I'm not proud of myself for what I'm doing, I know how much I could potentially hurt this woman and that what I'm doing is wrong, but I need his support so much right now I can't let him go, and I don't want to, yet. I know i'm storing up heartache for myself, but this is all I can do for the moment. My husband finally left my house 2 months ago, after 6 months of me living in my locked bedroom, he was very controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive and those 6 months were a living nightmare. The house is mine, but I still have to make a big settlement on him (we were together 10 years, married 5) and will have to take out a top-up on my mortgage to pay him off which will leave me very badly off financially.

Is there anyone out there also involved in an affair with a married man? How do you cope with all the guilt and jealousy? I'd love to hear from someone.