• MissMimi said on Aug 03, 2009....

  I'm so sorry, peecee.  I wish I had the words to make you feel better and more hopeful.  All I have to offer you is support, understanding, and an endless supply of hugs.  {{{{{{{{{{{{{peecee}}}}}}}}}}}}}} 

• CreativeWoman said on Aug 03, 2009....

  I don't know what to say, pusscat.  Maybe give the new medicine a little more time to take hold. 
  
  Unfortunately, I have a little expertise about disguising a belly.  They make these wonderful peasant type tops with raglan sleeves and elastic waists.  The tops blouse out and hide that little beauty flaw.  My closet has a few of them.  :-)  They look great with skirts and/or jeans.
  
  ((((Hugs))))
  
  CW
  

• D6fer said on Aug 03, 2009....

  I don't understand this.......I'm sorry you are experiencing depression........but I don't get the whole sub thing........why would you make that fetish bigger than yourself?.......could it be a root to the depression?
  

• darkerthanlightagain said on Aug 03, 2009....

  Hey, I weigh 201 lbs.  No joke.  I'm big all over.  My tummy looks like I'm about to pop a kid out any day.  Don't worry.  There's always someone that is worse off than you.  I'm sure that you are beautiful.  Celebrate the pouch.  Some of the Goddesses of old had rather large pouches.  That's why I only joke around about my weight, calling myself a fat ass.  I'm not ashamed of my body though.  You shouldn't be ashamed of yours either.  By the way..........I used to weigh 115 lbs.  I was a size 5.  Now I'm a size 16 and fit into a 2X in shirts.  I can't tell you how to feel.  I can only let you know that there is nothing wrong with you.

• Hegemone said on Aug 03, 2009....

  PC, I don't even know what to say.  I don't know enough about your submissive lifestyle to even begin there, and I'm terribly sorry for that, that I can't be of any help.  I do hope that someday soon the clouds part for you and you get a warm shining sunbeam your way.  In as far as the weight loss or gain rather because of the meds, that is something I know about purely because my mom suffers the same thing. She's actually checking to see if she's eligible for a lap band surgery that will be covered by some program.  It's supposed to be free of charge for her since she has to take her meds, but can't do anything to lose the weight, which could put her in all sorts of other unhealthy compromises (from the weight gain alone, and also a tailspin into anorexia or bullemia, and she's been there before).  Is there some sort of program you could seek out like that to reach for further help?  I don't personally know what it is to deal with this sort of demon, as my weight gain is purely my own fault and lack of strong will sometimes, not out of sheer inability due to another factor.  I do know what my mom goes through, and I worry about her.  If she comes up with any other methods that work I'll try to remember to pass them along to you.  I really do hope things start looking up for you.  You're a beautiful person and you deserve to enjoy it and to FEEL it.  (((((((((HUGS))))))))))

• pusscat said on Aug 04, 2009....

  Triple M - your support and understanding has been invaluable so don't ever underestimate how important you are to me.  Thank you darling.
  
  CW - I think the new medicine is working bit by bit but I guess there will be these moments when it all just seems too much.  I'm just glad I have SC and you guys here to offload to.  I'm going to go hell for leather to exercise and yes, those tops really are a woman's best friend aren't they ;-)
  
  
  

• pusscat said on Aug 04, 2009....

  D6fer - Thanks for dropping by my friend.  I know it is difficult for people to understand the submissive me.  You see, submissive is not what I do part time or anything it is actually who I am rather than what I do.  I feel the great need to let go the control to someone else whom I trust implicitly.  When I return home from work after having so much responsibility in work, it is that feeling of someone being there to take control.  To give me orders, guidelines, boundaries.  You are right though as, without it, it has most definitely added to my depression but unfortunately, I can't change that about me any more than someone can change the colour of their eyes or the fact that they like bacon or chicken lol!  As my depression lifts, I will see my submission again for what it is - a beautiful thing that the right Dominant will cherish and nurture :-)

• pusscat said on Aug 04, 2009....

  DTL - hey hun.  Always good to see you.  Bless you for your support.  I know what you have to deal with day in and day out but you have often come here to support me and I so appreciate it.  I wish in some ways that I was a little chunky all over as I think women who are like that often look fantastic in what they wear.  My tummy is large right from the top to my bikini line so has become so hard to disguise.  It honestly does look like I'm pregnant lol!  Thing is, I think it;s worked as a wake up call for me to REALLY do something about it :-)
  
  Hege - my dear little animal loving friend :-)  I certainly wish your mum the best of luck as she's been through the mill quite a bit herself hasn't she?!  I am going to have a chat about the weight gain with my GP today (11.20 appt) and make it clear that this kind of rapid weight gain will just exacerbate my depression.  It's one of those things where no matter what he says, I know how I feel and I know me better than anyone so I must stick firm with this one.  You take care too hun x
  

• Hegemone said on Aug 04, 2009....

  Well good luck at the doctor today PC, I hope all turns out well and you get somewhere, not just fed a bunch of lines.  Keep us updated!  (((((HUG))))

• pusscat said on Aug 04, 2009....

  Hi everyone - the doc was definitely not satisfied with the ridiculous highs followed by the lowest of lows I've been getting so he's doubled the Olanzapine from 5mg to 10mg.  He feels that will be much more of a stable dosage.  He then wants to see me again in 2 weeks.  He also sent me for liver function blood tests as Depakote can affect the liver and I haven't had a test for over a year. 
  
  He did ask me about weight gain before I mentioned it.  He did seem to understand that it was a big issue for me.  I told him straight that if I was chunky all over I would be satisfied to be mentally competent with a little added weight.  He completely understood how my weight is only going around my middle and that is quite dangerous for a female smoker over 40 (heart related problems).  If the dose of 10mg works but we can't contain the weight, he will look at an alternative as close to Olanzapine as possible. 
  
  Fingers crossed folks ;-)  I sure feel better today than yesterday though. 
  

• mixednuts said on Aug 04, 2009....

  How can you ever be depressed when you cheer me up so often?

  last question: what do you like on the TV?

• MissMimi said on Aug 04, 2009....

  I'm so glad you feel better today.  I've been worried about you.  Weight gain is one of the crap things about anti-depressants.  It sounds like you have a doctor who is taking an active interest in your well being, and not just dismissing your symptoms as wacky female hormones. 
   
  Good job, my friend.  Hang in there, peecee.  {{{hugs}}}

• subo9 said on Aug 04, 2009....

  Hey pc
  I do feel for you. I dont know what happened with your Sir, but I'm sorry you dont have that guidance that you crave because it would surely help you through these hard times. I hope you will find someone who's the right someone and who give you the care and direction you need. I only pop on here now and then to see how you're doing, but i'll never forget the support you gave me when I needed it. Not saying that life's a picnic for me now, but I did learn the lifestyle wasnt for me.
  I do understand however the longing for direction, for someone else to take over the reins, that's really why I'm entangled in my own situation.
   
  I do hope the increase in meds helps, because it sounds like you're just dragging yourself through the days and its hard to see such a lovely, shining person be like that. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and eventually the cloud will lift.
  Big hugs to you, pc
  n

• pusscat said on Aug 04, 2009....

  Hey mixed - you often cheer me up too hun :-)  TV, now then, lemme think.  I adore comedy so watch loads of British comedy programmes like, 'Live at the Appollo' as that has about 5 commedians on at a time.  I also love watching documentaries about nature and wildlife and the landscape.  I think my fave prog at the moment is QI with Stephen Fry and Alan Davies.  I don't know if America has it yet?
  
  Trimple M - my little hunnybunch.  I must admit he has gone up in my estimation today.  I did wonder at first if he just thought I was neurotic but, since the self harm and how bad Dr Pike said I was he is taking everything very serious.  I'm so glad he raised the weight gain issue instead of me as it shows he views it seriously.  What would I do without this place and my darling Mims :)
  

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