• silverwhisper said on Sep 17, 2006....

  LTB, is it possible that she feels that she has to compensate in her displays of affection when he's there so that she doesn't hurt your ex's feelings?
  
  ed
  

• secretlife said on Sep 17, 2006....

  Well could it be a play for his attention? If he is mean to you, maybe she thinks he will be nicer to her?
  
  Or could it be some way to strike back at you for something? As a way to hurt you?
  
  These are just guesses.....I don't know your situation that well, so I'm just throwing out what came to mind-
  

• gingersoul said on Sep 17, 2006....

  I think she just feels akward in that moments....i had to force myself many times, during this first year of divorce, in thinking that my 11 years old daughter can't react and can't understand the situations the way i do.
  Sometimes it's just too much for them. They can't even control their reactions.
  
  I know for sure because i can hear her different attitude in her voice when she sometimes calls from his father's house . She can be kind of snappy or cut short our calls depending on what is happeng there. When she comes back she is the usual, sweetest girl in the world.
  
  I used to be hard on her about this attitude problem, asking why she would act in that differen way with me. She couldn't say but she started to pay attention and the episodes scaled down noticeably.
  
  Just keep talking to her, let her know that you won't take it personally and you understand if she can't articulate or control her feelings.
  
  But at the same time let her know that her behavior is not acceptable anymore.
  
  She most likely is testing the waters with you. Most likely she is doing it with her father as well, only you don't know it.
  
  It's a tough call. Only a parent know exactly what's going on.
  Good luck.
  

• Lovethebeach said on Sep 18, 2006....

  I do see her mimic her father's bahavior when she deals with me. Maybe she is thinking he'll be nicer to her if she's mean to me. I treat her like gold, so I don't really see it being retaliation. Although, today is her birthday, and maybe she resents me for the fact it's "his turn" to have her. I don't know...but thanks for all the advice!
  

• pandabr929 said on Sep 20, 2006....

  As a teacher, you are probably very well aware that at that age, her behavior toward you has probably very little, if anything with you. It could have been any number of things, but as someone who has gone through parents divorcing, it is a hard thing to deal with when you're at that age and caught between them. She's at an age where she's trying to assert her own identity and she's not having a say in where she is and when. Instead, the calendar is dictating her schedule, which is probably very frustrating. Also, when my younger brother would go back and forth between my parents, he was almost always terrible to my mom when we came back from my dad's because my dad would always tell us that it was my mom's fault that we had to go back and forth, and she was the one who broke up our family. Sometimes he would even cry in front of us and tell us how lonely and depressed he was because he wasn't seeing us as much as he wanted to. I'm not going into all the gory details, but whether or not that's true, imagine being 8 years old and hearing that on a regular basis. You may want to do some checking with your daughter about whether or not she has any questions about why you and your husband split or what her understanding of the situation is.
  

• Lovethebeach said on Oct 02, 2006....

  panda...you are right. He does fill her head with all sorts of nonsense. He tells her I am a bad mom and person. He tells her that she could have her own bedroom" if she'd(meaning me) get off her lazy ass and get a better job". It's really crazy! Thanks for commenting!
  

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