• moonriver said on Jul 30, 2009....

  hi wired girl.
  i have ambivalent thoughts on this.
  
  
  first point: it isn't easy to know the whole truth about your own life and loves (and i don't mean just the number, whether it's 2 or 6 or 26), much less tell everything you know as true to someone else.
  
  
  second point: if you truly love someone, and intend to nurture that love for the long haul, you need to share with them what your heart and soul tells you. 
  always, no ifs and buts.
  as in the classic "i would have told you earlier but..."
  this means, no intentional lies and self-serving half-lies.
  for me, this point is the biggest deal-breaker.
  
  
  you have the option to keep silent on some aspects, yes.
  it's your choice, really.
  no moral judgments here.
  but if you continue to keep silent for long, then the other person will simply "fill in the blanks" in ways you can't control or predict.
  and then one day, they will simply decide you're too patchy or slippery or sneaky to be trusted.
  
  
  trust is such a fragile sprout.

  and lies are stupid morons. 

  they will always be found out no matter how hard you try to hide them.
  
  
  trust, watered by truth and love, can grow into a giant sequoia that can last a hundred lifetimes.
  and when it does, it no longer matters whether you tell this or that piece of truth or lie or not.
  the sequoia will know, and understand, and endure.
  
  
  i guess that brings me to my third point.
  which is that, ancient sequoias are hard but good to find.
  
  
  
  

• Hegemone said on Jul 30, 2009....

  I think on things like you mentioned, the truth is incredibly important.  If she's not going to give him the time of day because of it, maybe she's just not the right girl for him anyway.  He would need somebody really understanding and if that's going to chase her away, then she's not that girl and he could be wasting his and her time.  That said, there are times that a relationship can handle a little fib. 
  
  I'm not going to tell my husband every detail of the hour long bitch fest with his mom I had to have in order to get her to let him use her car, but I will tell him that I spoke with her and she doesn't mind.  He doesn't need the stress of knowing I got in an argument with his mother, and there's nothing he could add to the scenario anyway.  If it comes up and he asks I'll give him full disclosure, but otherwise, it's not something that's essential.  Further, I must point out, that is sort of a 'sub-lie'.  It's not a lie in itself, really it's just omission of facts, but to me that still classifies as a lie.  Just never bringing up that you are a player when it's obvious that it can be a big deal isn't excusable.
  
  Lies always come out eventually.  Always.  And they bite hard when they come back too, so it's best just to leave it alone.  The only kind of outright lies I will tell are tiny fibs to cover a GOOD surprise I'm planning, and even then I tread lightly.
  

• Weird_World said on Jul 30, 2009....

  hey moonriver,
  i have just spent half an hour listening to the same moron who started all these questions in my head...and this time i told him to tell the truth, if he wanted a future with the girl...a couple of hypothetical situations thrown in offcourse... ;-)
  from my cynical point of view, i happen to think that lies are very high maintenance and time consuming...
  "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive"
  
  WW
  
  P.S->Anyone can home deliver me an ancient sequoias...will do the replanting myself... :-)

• Weird_World said on Jul 30, 2009....

  hey Hegemone,
  fibs and white lies are no big deal...we all understand them...even if we throw tantrums in the beginning...
  and considering i have been in the situation which that poor girl might end up, i can imagine what she will got through...and it isn't easy to think a relationship with the same view after the new found knowledge...and it makes you feel in the end that the considerable time spend together was based on a lie...
  and again it comes down to lies...maybe in the end a really hurting truth is better than a lie which will in most probability snowball into a mountain...
  
  WW
  
  

• moonriver said on Jul 30, 2009....

  ww--
  "lies are high-maintenance and time-consuming..." i totally agree.
  ditto re ancient sequoias.
  i'll try and send you one, once i decide (on impulse) to live among the california redwoods... :-)
  
  

• bigbluesky said on Aug 26, 2009....

  you can say that again moonriver

Comment on "Sex lies and truth..."

Currently tagged	life relationships love Truth lie (Click to add tags below)
Tag this post	(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Your comment
	Comment Anonymously