I decided to escape for a bit - I needed a good long walk to clear my head, getting crowded in here!
My apartment looks like a warehouse with all these boxes. I thrive on order, so the chaos in and of itself is getting to me, minus all the added emotions of going through old memories and saying goodbye.
So ... I put on my sneaks and headed out for a stroll. The first part of my journey was a bit trecherous! Apparently, the swans at the pond near the university had babies. Mama Swan was a bit aggressive. She met me on the path as I got near the rushes - wings spread, black tongue wagging, hissing like a snake! Ay Carumba! She took me by such surprise that I nearly crapped my pants. Who thought an overprotective Mama Swan could be so intimidating! She was SCARY!!!! And relentless - so I gave her lots of space. No need to get my ass bitten by an angry swan.
I decided to go walk down near the beach instead. Dusk was just beginning - the setting sun made such amazing colors through the cloud cover. It was a really hot, humid, uncomfortable day here, but by tonight, the weather cooled and there was such a beautiful breeze coming off the sound.
I listened to the gentle wind whispering through the sea grass on the dunes and I savored every moment knowing my new home is land locked. The consolation is that there are such beautiful rivers, lakes and mountains - maybe I won't miss the beach as much? Hard to imagine - but I will be back to see my family, so it isn't a permanent loss.
Not like Jack - I miss him so much, and yet, he seems to be everywhere these days. I am sure he would have laughed his butt off if he could have seen me running from the furious hissing swan of death!
Coming back to the car, I walked past the country inn and the small shops in the village. There were fireflies twinkling along the grass on the big lawn near the post office. So many of them ... like sparkles.
I'm starting anew - leaving a place I really love a lot, but moving towards opportunities and different types of dreams. The only constant is change ... but there's always an abiding peace that can be found within.
I sat on the hood of my car and watched as the sun finished making its descent. Breathe in ... breathe out.
It got a little chilly so I grabbed my sweater and my mala from the car, kept my eyes on the horizon and let my mantra float through my soul, finding the space between my thoughts, reminding me of eternal connections.
Om Christayaa Namah - thank you Lord for this beautiful night and for all my many blessings, for growth that has come through adversity, for the ability to feel gratitude, a sincere grace that far outweighs the losses. We come from everlasting joy, and when this world has passed away, it's there we will return. Om Shanti Om.
