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goodbye, grandma

silverwhisper posted on Jul 27, 2009 | views: 474 | Tags: grandmothers, family, loss, bereavement, grief
it’s been a long time since i’ve had something meaningful or important to me to share. unfortunately, i do now.

last tuesday, almost a week ago now, my grandmother passed away. we'd moved her into a nursing home a week earlier because my parents cannot provide the kind of care she needed. when she first arrived there, she seemed pretty upbeat, but that, sadly, changed.

i’ve blogged about my grandmother in the past. like most asians, she wasn't much of one for saying the words "i love you". for my grandmother, her cooking and giving did that quite eloquently.

it's funny...when we moved her into the nursing home last week, she wasn't capable of standing on her own anymore, so i carried her from her room to the car. and as i did, i couldn't help thinking how we'd come full circle: so many times when i was a kid, she carried me on her back.

when my mother got the call last week tuesday, we'd just returned from there, so we turned right around and went back to my parents' house. the next few days saw a lot of activity and a lot of writing: my mother wanted us three grandkids to do the eulogy so we spent a day or two writing it and i wound up delivering it. my parents-in-law, my brother-in-law and his wife were all in attendance, which was one heck of a blessing.

through all of this, i'm mostly OK. family is important, and if there's one thing my grandmother taught me, it's that. so the opportunity to share the company of my family again was a great help. truth be told, i'm much more concerned about my mother, esp after tomorrow, when the house is empty except for my parents. i may need to visit them again soon, perhaps in a week.



grandma, i love you. i miss you. and i always will. during your eulogy, i described you as a force of nature, and that's exactly what you were--no, are, because that's who you've always been. it was hard to see someone who was so independent, so strong and so active incapable of getting out of her own bed. but now, you're free to walk again, be free of the constraints that i know were chipping away at your soul.

ed

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Comments

  • Me-Myself&I said on Jul 27, 2009....
    (hug) i am sorry to hear of your loss.
  • moonriver said on Jul 27, 2009....
    death, even if we've eyed it lurking in the wings for weeks or months or years, remains a shock, a terrible loss, when it does swoop down and carry away a loved one.
    but your grandma is free to roam now, and she's probably smiling and beaming with pride at the eulogy you gave in her honor.

    this is a good post, ed. a second eulogy for a great woman.

  • fearing said on Jul 27, 2009....
    Ed, I'm heartbroken for you.  I know you love your grandmother.  I smiled at the thought of you carrying her.  It will be a good memory for you.  Bitter sweet but still one you will hold on to. 
     
    If you need anything, I'm here.
    Hugs my friend,
    Fearing
  • beyondtheveil said on Jul 27, 2009....
    Ed- I've lost my grandparents by some time now. They mean so much to grandchildren, from the time we are carried on their back as you mentioned through all their life. I can feel for you during these days by remembering mine. They leave behind wonderful memories that you can carry with you from now on. I find I am still learning from my grandfather.

    My thoughts are with you for the loss of this most special person.
  • silverwhisper said on Jul 27, 2009....
    mm&i: thank you so much. :>

    moon: i'll confess i was surprised you saw this when you did. thank you, my friend: she was truly amazing.

    fearing: it's definitely a good memory, thank you. and i really appreciate the offer.

    [hug]

    beyond: my thanks, sir. i expect to find that i too will continue learning from my grandmother.

    ed
  • Hegemone said on Jul 27, 2009....
    Oh Ed, I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost your grandmother, but it sounds like she was a wonderful woman and that I'm sure you've done her proud and that you'll continue to do so.  Such love for your family radiates from this post.  ((((HUG))))
  • uniquely-ironic said on Jul 27, 2009....
    Oh Ed, this is so sad.  I know from reading your blog how much love there is for family and this must be a big loss.  Your grandmother surely must be somewhere in the universe keeping her eye on her family.  Love like that doesn't just end.
     
    You and your family are in my thoughts.
  • gingersoul said on Jul 27, 2009....
    Ed......my grandma passed away when i was 15.....and i still miss her.
     
    I still talk about her and i still regret not having had enough time to spend with her.
     
    People never die as long as we keep them in our memory. And you will always have her. 
     
    I am deeply sorry for your loss. {hugs}  
  • MissMimi said on Jul 27, 2009....
    I'm so sorry, Ed.  What you said about your grandma touched me very deeply.  I know you loved her deeply, and it's such a blessing that you had her as long as you did.  She's free now and will always be in your heart.  If I can do anything for you, I'm an e-mail away.  {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
  • silverwhisper said on Jul 27, 2009....
    hegemone: that was very kind of you to say, my thanks.

    [hug]

    u-i: thank you, that was beautiful. i honestly don't know what else to say.

    GS: ah, i remember you speaking of her before. and yes, i will absolutely keep her in my memory, just as you do your own grandmother. thank you.

    [hug]

    mimi: o mimi, thank you. it didn't even dawn on me how that might've struck you. thanks for your offer, i appreciate it.

    [bearhug]

    ed
  • buckrogers said on Jul 27, 2009....
    I'm just beginning to come out of my wife's loss and know how you feel. Life changes and we all have to learn to adjust to those changes. I also lost a grandmother that was just one of those special people you can never forget because of the positive impact she made in my life. But families grow, and it is watching the young ones fulfilling their dreams that fills in the hole made in the heart.
  • CreativeWoman said on Jul 27, 2009....
    My deepest condolences to you and your family, Ed.

    CW
  • woman said on Jul 27, 2009....
    I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope that it is a bit easier because you have so many sweet memories of the past. My own grandmother was also very special and she is always with me still. Hugs. woman
  • Psych-ed said on Jul 27, 2009....
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that your grandmother is smiling at all of the love she has. {{{HUG}}}
  • Eilan said on Jul 27, 2009....
    *hugs*
  • pusscat said on Jul 27, 2009....
    I'm so sorry to read of your loss silver.

    It doesn't seem to matter how old we get and how old they get, a gramma is someone so special.  There is a bond that is like no other.

    I'm glad you had your family around you.  It is very true what you say about how important family is.  I come from a very close family and have felt the loss of my one and only grandparent, my Mamma.  I actually look a lot like her which I am proud to say.

    Lean on your family and let them lean on you.  As you say, your mother will need you.  Don't be afraid to grieve.  I'm sure your gramma is most proud of you.

    Bless you

    ~peecee~
  • silverwhisper said on Jul 27, 2009....
    buckrogers: i'm so sorry for the loss of your wife. i haven't been here in a long time so i didn't see those blog entries. my deepest condolences, i cannot imagine the heartache of having to watch her go bit by bit. your observation re: watching the young ones is very wise, i think. thank you.

    CW: and my most heartfelt thanks, my friend.

    woman: [hug] i don't really know what else to say other than thank you.

    psych-ed: wow, it's been a while. thanks so much.

    [hug]

    eilan: [bearhug]

    pusscat: thanks so much for stopping by. yes, there's great comfort in family. without my wife, i don't know how well i'd be handling this--or how much the rest of my family might be able to lean on me. again, thank you.

    ed
  • wombat said on Jul 27, 2009....

    Please  add my condelences to you and your family for the loss of your special grandmother.  It seems to have come rather unexpectedly, even under the circumstances, but then a loss like that is never something one can fully be prepared for.  She sounds like she was a wonderful lady.

    What you said about carrying her was truly both sad and very touching.

    Bless you and your family during this time of grief and remembrance.

    {{{{{wombie}}}}}

  • Lucytorial said on Jul 27, 2009....
    My sympathies Ed, the keen sense of loss when a family member passes on is never easy however, in that rememberence of them, we lift them to imortality, their lives the beacons for our own.  Morals, ethics, sensabilities, sounds like your gran was a true matriach.
  • secretlife said on Jul 27, 2009....
    so very sorry for your loss.
  • bhalah said on Jul 27, 2009....
    whith the most respect, this post are abaut, thank to share a love you feel, and the sadness coul be lost enyone we love. if you dont mind, i will light a candle, whit also sameone at my entorne is gone asweall.
  • the_infernal_optimist said on Jul 27, 2009....
    Having lost my grandmother just over a year ago, you know I understand much of what you've felt and are dealing with, my friend. ((massive hugs))

    I'm so sorry for your loss...it's strange, wrong, to realize that you won't experience certain things with that person again, and sometimes it's funny what you miss...but people are right that so much of what made them who they were lives on. We are their legacy and I know that your grandmother would not be disappointed in those whose lives are a vibrant tribute to her own.

    I don't have pretty words for it; I never found any for my own experience either. But you have my sympathy and my ear. Your family is in my thoughts, silver printmaker.

    ~Infernal
  • fragglesrock said on Jul 27, 2009....
    i read this this morning. then i read it again this afternoon. then i read it again just now. and i still can't find the words to convey my sympathies...sending good thoughts...
  • D6fer said on Jul 27, 2009....
    so sorry to hear that ed.
  • soaringraven said on Jul 27, 2009....
    My heart grieves with you in your time of loss.  As you know I have experienced much loss in my family in recent months and years.  Each was difficult to bear in its own way, but none so great as the loss of my own grandfather many years ago.  As I look upon my own grandchildren now I often am reminded of my years at my grandfather's side.   We cherish each memory and they never truly leave us.
     
    soaring
  • UnicornForm said on Jul 27, 2009....
    Aw silver, the way you described her she seemed like an awsome woman. Gods army is 1 more bigger eh? He seems to be recruiting the best lately ((heres a hug))
  • JadeLondon said on Jul 27, 2009....
    I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you both find some measure of peace.

    *hugs*

  • sweetsoul said on Jul 27, 2009....
    Ed, that was a beautiful post... sorry for the event that caused it though.
     
    I think your comment about keeping a closer eye on your Mom is wise, and will be welcomed. Many people are very special to us and we are deeply touched by their loss, but the loss of a Mother is particularly special.
     
    I'm glad you have such wonderful memories of your Grandmother.
     
    (((ed)))
  • silverwhisper said on Jul 27, 2009....
    i'm in haste, so i cannot do my customary greetings to each commenter, for which i apologize, i will address that oversight later, when time permits. but i want you all to know that this outpouring is incredibly touching. thank you, everyone.

    ed
  • queenparanoia said on Jul 27, 2009....

    silverwhisper: this hug is for you big bro... you and yoru family are in my thoughts...

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

  • MsBradford07 said on Jul 27, 2009....
    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know your family will get through this.
  • GrapeKoolaid said on Jul 27, 2009....
    My condolences ed.  Sorry for your loss.  You and your family will be in my thoughts. 
     
    We say that they've "returned". 
  • Expendable said on Jul 27, 2009....
    *hugs*
  • scipio said on Jul 28, 2009....
    My condolences to you and your family. May her soul rest in eternal peace.
  • destinydiva said on Jul 28, 2009....
    i'm sorry ed xx
  • MsStar39 said on Jul 28, 2009....
    So sorry for your loss, that was a great eulogy for a remarkable woman.
  • hotaka said on Jul 28, 2009....
    Hey, silver, I'm sorry to read about your news. I remember reading at least one post about your grandmother before. It's hard to see someone you have known all your life, someone who has always been close to you, slip away. We all know everyone will go sometime, but I can imagine that to see such a strong woman slowly become infirm with old age must weight heavy on the heart.

    I grew up in a different country from my grandparents. I met them two or three times, my dad's mom a little more often because she came to see us in Canada. But mostly my grandparents were birthday cards, Christmas cards and once in a while a voice on the phone. Still, I think about them sometimes and strangely I still feel a special love for them. I hope they can somehow know that I love them for being my grandparents.
  • rightwingwizard said on Jul 28, 2009....
    silver one, I am so sorry to read of your loss.  Grandparents are special indeed.  I still miss mine, well my maternal grandparents anyway,  my paternal grandparents were of a different breed I think.  
     
    I will be thinking of you and yours in the days and weeks to come, whether or not I am stopping around here all that often.
     
    wizard
  • RollingC said on Jul 28, 2009....
    Ed....I'm sorry about the loss of your grandmother. Unfortunately, that's the circle of life and it's inevitable. I was touched by your words of goodbye to your grandmother and I know that she was a very special lady to have taught you (and others) the values that you have today. God Bless and I'll keep your grandmother and your family in my prayes. Rc
  • silverwhisper said on Jul 28, 2009....
    wombat: thank you so much for your kind words, i'm deeply appreciative. she was one heck of a lady.

    tobi-lee: thank you. you're so right that their lives are beacons--it is by that beacon that i shall continue navigating.

    SL: my thanks, i appreciate it a great deal.

    bhalah: i'm not quite sure i understand fully what you said, but thank you, and no, i don't at all mind your lighting a candle. my thanks.

    infernal: i do indeed know that--thank you. you're right: it's strange and there aren't any pretty words for it. and it's because it's wrong. thank you, my dear friend.

    [hug]

    fraggles: thank you so much.

    d6: thanks, man.

    soaringraven: indeed, and i'm so sorry for your losses. you're right: it's so important to cherish these memories and to keep them alive.

    unicornform: thank you, and yeah, she truly is awesome. a friend of mine from another of my online haunts just learned his grandmother passed earlier today, so yeah, i absolutely agree.

    jade: my thanks. i think she did indeed achieve some peace, which makes it a bit easier for me.

    [hug]

    sweetsoul: although it's good to see you here, i am sorry this is the cause of it. and thank you: my siblings and i thought that keeping an eye on my mother would be prudent. again, my thanks.

    [hug]

    ed
  • silverwhisper said on Jul 28, 2009....
    sis: thank you so much, sis! oof, that's a really big hug!

    [bearhugs sis]

    ms b: thank you, and you're right, we will. thanks again.

    grape: ah, purply one, indeed we do say that, don't we? it's in fact what i told my siblings when i had to contact them.

    ex: thank you.

    [hug]

    scipio: well, she wasn't much for peaceful (she was bad at remaining still, indicative of her active spirit). sorry, humor probably isn't suitable here, is it? thank you.

    dd: thank you so much.

    ms star: goodness, it's been a while since i've seen you. thank you so much.

    hotaka: you're right, it's hard, and yeah it does weigh heavily, has for the past few years, truth be told. you know, i think that if you want to change things, you could always try writing them--snail mail, i mean. have they seen pics of your son yet? i'm sure they'd love a handwritten letter with more info and more recent pics, you know?

    rww: goodness but it's been a while since i've seen you. thank you for your condolences, good sir.

    rc: thank you, old friend. you're right, it is indeed the circle of life. sadly, that's something i know in my head, but not yet in my heart just now.

    ed
  • hotaka said on Jul 28, 2009....
    Of course my parents have seen the pics but my grandparents all passed away between 1988 and 1995. Any way to post a letter to the Afterlife?
  • silverwhisper said on Jul 28, 2009....
    eek! sorry about that, hotaka!

    [trout-smacks self]
  • hotaka said on Jul 28, 2009....
    No worries [wipes scales from silver's face]. I know you meant well.
  • silverwhisper said on Jul 28, 2009....
    i did, but even so, that was incredibly inconsiderate of me. i'm so sorry!

    heh...and thanks. :>

    ed
  • hotaka said on Jul 28, 2009....
    No prob. Anything for a friend, right?
  • silverwhisper said on Jul 28, 2009....
    indeed. :>

    ed
  • GrapeKoolaid said on Jul 28, 2009....

    They don't ever leave us ed.  They return to the land of the ancestors and watch over us.  Really brings to life the idea of one's blood tied to the soil, so to speak. 

    I know that your grandmother petitions the gods for the well being of you and yours.  They're always watching over you, which is yet another reason to do right by them. 

    I'm certain that she was mighty proud of the mark she has left in this world.  Her legacy, her memories, her wisdom, care and love will live on through her descendants.  Your obligarion as a member of the unit is to live on and do right, which I know you do. 

    Tonight, I'll ask my ancestors who have already returned to make sure that she feels welcome.  :)

  • silverwhisper said on Jul 29, 2009....
    my thanks, grape, both for the act and for the understanding.

    ed
  • raindove said on Aug 01, 2009....
    Silverwhisper im so sorry for your loss and at the same time this post touched me deeply reminding me of my own grandparents. May she rest in peace.
  • silverwhisper said on Aug 03, 2009....
    thank you, raindove.

    ed
  • tbs230 said on Aug 03, 2009....

    your grandma sounds like my papa. He was an amazing man. And I miss him every single day. It was also the same for me at the wake, I was asked to say something and was so surprised to see my entire extended family there. It made it a little better, to sit and talk about his life with people who knew even better than I did and get the affirmation that he was indeed a great man.

    your grandma and my grandpa are most certainly free of the bodies that eventually betrayed them. My condolences for your lost.

  • silverwhisper said on Aug 04, 2009....
    thank you, tbs, and yes, i recall you talking about him. my condolences on your still-keenly felt loss. :<

    ed
  • replicahandbagsblog said on Aug 11, 2009....
    sorry to hear that, and i hope you will be better. My grandpa passed away years ago. I loved him so much that i tore my heart out when i herd the news. But i am better now
  • tryingMYbest said on Aug 16, 2009....
    its touching  i mean how close you are to your grandma especially because i was never that emotionally  close to my grandparents 
     hope she rests in peace 
  • twentysomeone said on Oct 02, 2009....
    Hey silver-  I know this is from a while ago but just wanted to let you know that i know what you're feeling--my grandmother passed away this past May--it was definitely hard because all my other grandparents had past away before i was born, and then she lived with us my entire life--and i hope your mom is doing ok--even though 5 months is coming up for my mom, she still has her moments, i'm sure you know what i'm talking about--anyway, just wanted to let you know that i feel for ya

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