Lately my posts have sounded like a soapbox speech. Sorry for that. I've been trying to figure out why. Why do I have such strong feelings anymore? Why do I feel the need to warn people? Why have I been stopping by liquor store every Friday?
There are times, during the course of my day, when I just want to yell at the top of my lungs for the whole OR Department to hear "WAAAIIITTT!" In my dreams, time stops and I can gather my thoughts. But, in reality, that would never happen. Time marches on, to its own crazy little drummer, tapping out some song I've never heard before.
In my short time at this new place, I've seen so much! The patients are very sick. It is common that they "circle the drain". It is common that we have to reintubate people. It is common that we have to call for extra help when people wake up fighting.
It is also common that I am overwhelmed because it is run as one big jumblefuck! I never feel prepared, I am frequently thrown into cases I've never done, and I feel like I never have what I need to do the case. They call it "The (hospital name) Way". Well, I'm tired and I told my husband I don't think I'll last.
There are days when I think it would do me good to pull my hair and rap my head against the side of a brick building, just to become numb! I either need to disassociate quickly or jump into a straight jacket and find the psych ward!
Oh wait! This place is so big I wouldn't even know how to find the psych ward!



