ninibud92's tags:
Lately my posts have sounded like a soapbox speech. Sorry for that. I've been trying to figure out why. Why do I have such strong feelings anymore? Why do I feel the need to warn people? Why have I been stopping by liquor store every Friday?

There are times, during the course of my day, when I just want to yell at the top of my lungs for the whole OR Department to hear "WAAAIIITTT!" In my dreams, time stops and I can gather my thoughts. But, in reality, that would never happen. Time marches on, to its own crazy little drummer, tapping out some song I've never heard before.

In my short time at this new place, I've seen so much! The patients are very sick. It is common that they "circle the drain". It is common that we have to reintubate people. It is common that we have to call for extra help when people wake up fighting.

It is also common that I am overwhelmed because it is run as one big jumblefuck! I never feel prepared, I am frequently thrown into cases I've never done, and I feel like I never have what I need to do the case. They call it "The (hospital name) Way". Well, I'm tired and I told my husband I don't think I'll last.

There are days when I think it would do me good to pull my hair and rap my head against the side of a brick building, just to become numb! I either need to disassociate quickly or jump into a straight jacket and find the psych ward!

Oh wait! This place is so big I wouldn't even know how to find the psych ward!


del.icio.us Digg reddit StumbleUpon

Comments

  • Susmaryosep said on Sep 16, 2006....
    You have an unenviable job, one that we mere mortals cannot do without. I sometimes wonder how people in the OR feel, and you give us a first hand account. Thanks for people like you; don't give up please.....
    BTW, have you ever seen or met a patient with a "near death" experience, or who have 'returned from certain death' and have some stories to tell.?
  • ninibud92 said on Sep 16, 2006....
    Not yet, but I would very much like to speak with someone who has had that experience. I have read many books on it but no first hand accounts. I think most people in a hospital feel silly talking about things like that. They see it as a place of science, not spirituality. But for SoulCasters, I think we would welcome it. I'll keep you informed if I come across that situation!
  • AnnQ said on Sep 16, 2006....
    If it were not for you then people like me would be shit out of luck!!!! I want to thank you for all that you do, do!! I have been in and out of the hosipital for many years due to ill and weird health... I think you really need some comic stress relief.. I can only handle life with humor due to the fact that my life span willl be and has been shortned. but, we all have alot that has been given us. it is up to us how to handle it. yes, you see alot, I am sorry that you have, but, look at what you have done with your knowledge,,, You have SAVED lives. I also bet that you have helped someone like me, knowing that my qualitity of life sucks, you with the docs, help make it better. I will most likly have a pace maker within this year. how in the hell they are goining to make it work in the way it needs to, well, you never know. But, I know that when time is up, It's up! At least you can know that you have done your best in every way to save it, and make it better,,,in your own way. I was just in the hospitial for 72 hrs. I just wrote a blog on it.. I think it may help at least in a kind of silly way. As I said that when serious shit hits, and I have toi make a choice, then, It is really hard, I just lost custody of my 2 little ones, 6@4 but my heart just dosn't want to work right for me. So, they will only know me as a sick mommy. and they know that I see the hosiptial alot. but, it turned out to be for their best anyway. I get to have some time with them, I have some quality time for them, might not be quanitity but, at least thanks to people like you, I have time for the people I love. and I at least can some fun!!! THANK YOU!!!! I don't want to know what my life would be like without people like you!!!
    Ann Q
  • ninibud92 said on Sep 16, 2006....
    AnnQ: you brightened my day. Thank you for sharing your story with us!
  • secretlife said on Sep 16, 2006....
    it's stress ninibud; you need to figure out a way that works for you to de-stress yourself.
    Do you have a hobby? How bout doing something for yourself? A soak in the tub? a massage?...yoga?
    You need something so you can let go of your day-

    Otherwise, I fear burnout will get you...
  • Frlncwrtr said on Sep 17, 2006....
    ninibud92:
    I know the way you feel right now; I have been there. It took me a few years for the numbing to take effect, but from what I know most people in these types of professions go through it to some degree, but it does eventually get easier to cope with.
    I would follow SL’s suggestions though. You need an escape from the OR. During your free time, find something that you like. Maybe writing here at Soulcast is your outlet?

    During my years of working as a P.O, I used to run every other day, and alternately work out with weights. That was my escape because physical exercise as you should know releases endorphins.

    Also, if you’ve ever heard, police humor is very crude and very sick, but it’s a comic relief!

    Try not to let the job get to you so much!

    P.S. There were periods where I too, made many stops at the liquor store on my days off.
  • Susmaryosep said on Sep 17, 2006....
    Don't go to the liqour store on your days off ! Or the Cigarette corner... Just blog here! :-)
  • ninibud92 said on Sep 18, 2006....
    before the "soulcast outage", I tried to post that writing here gives me a chance to review my day and see what it all meant. That's really all I'm looking for. What does it all mean, anyway?!

    Hey, thanks for listening, everyone! My husband just plugs his ears anymore. Most of my daily venting is just too graphic for him.

    Frlncwrtr: We also have our jokes about the OR! Pretty disgusting!

    So, in an effort to "relax", this weekend i worked my butt off at home. I think I'll start redecorating! ;-) AHHH....a creative outlet!
  • Frlncwrtr said on Sep 18, 2006....
    Sus:
    Now that I've retired I do not have to worry about that anymore! :-)

    ninibud: I can well imagine that you do have some good, but disgusting jokes!

    I'm glad to hear that you have found an outlet.
  • Susmaryosep said on Sep 19, 2006....
    Let's hear those 'disgusting' jokes. . . . . .

Comment on "tHeY'rE CoMiNg tO tAkE mE aWaY!"


(Separate tags using commas, for example: New York, dating, vegetarian)
Comment Anonymously

Wow, it's Thursday and I haven't, as of yet, gotten past my Monday passive/aggressive mentality...sigh. Thursday, it can't be past three pm on Monday. I just recently returned from leave and the whole mentality of being at work can be described as being...
I am drowning my sorrows in a bowl full of kid's cereal - Cookie Crisp, dinner of champions. I could have easily made a case for eating cookies for dinner, but at least this way I can pretend to have eaten real food.

What I'd like to know is...
All hypnosis is self hypnosis, and we all possess the ability. Hypnosis is a natural state of deep relaxation....
to raise my voice or choke the breath out of her....
conversations I just had in the office.

"I hate to tell you this, but the correction you just sent out is still wrong"

"are you sure?!!"

followed by

"what is the problem?"

"I don't know, if ...