Yesterday, we went shopping for a dress.
You see next week it would be my cousin’s 18th birthday. She will have a debut back in our hometown in Iloilo.
I was going to wear my old brown dress but my mom said it doesn’t look good on me anymore so it would be better if I buy a new dress. Or in short I gain weight and I don’t look good in a dress.
She suggested that I wear pants.
I don’t want to.
I want to wear a fricking dress.
I was irritated because all of the dresses in that mall are for petite women…
Here in the Philippines, it’s hard finding clothes for my size.
Yeah I know what you guys are gonna say… I’m not that fat…
Well in here, I am…
I felt a little pain every time I see a dress that I like and it doesn’t fit me.
My younger sister (who is 17) has a nice black and white dress.
And when she put it on she looks great.
A little jealousy was inside of me when I saw her wearing that dress.
She was so damn lucky to be thin.
And not just thin.
My sister has a nice figure. She could wear anything and look good on it.
I’m the fat one in the family…
I mean even my mother is one size smaller than me.
And then the salesperson said something that made me smile…
“I found a dress for you, why don’t you try it on?”
It was a purple dress. The color looks like an eggplant.
It has a built in buckle in the middle. So if I wear it gives me an illusion that I don’t have a big tummy.
And it’s not sleeveless…
I love it…
It looks good on me…
And last night when I tried it on again, I look in the mirror and said to myself, “wow, I can be girly.”
Yeah…
It was nice feeling girly girl once in a while.
Back in college I have times where I was a girly girl.
I would wear skirts and I have a collection of earrings.
But life gets me down insecurities creep inside of me I hide in my baggy t-shirts and jeans.
And when fat comments were said to me I turn to food for comfort.
I love fashion. I love dressing up.
And the great part about it is I do it for me.
I’ve been wondering what happened to that part of me.
What happened to that girl where she doesn’t care what everyone thinks and just wear the clothes that she wanted?
Reality happened…
And I let it get me…
So last night while I was wearing the dress I decided that…
I would not let it get me anymore…
I would not let the harsh realities of life get me down…
I would not let my insecurities resurface when someone say negative about me…
I will let myself be pretty… J
Now…
I need shoes… LOL…
Keep on blogging!!!
p.s.
will post a pic next week wearing the dress… J
