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I've been away for almost two weeks now. There are no flowery words nor beautiful phrases to explain it.

Have you ever felt tired but you're not really exerting physical effort? Have you ever had the feeling that you're so ugly that you can't just muster any courage to put on a face and show yourself to people... or even work? Have you ever felt that you messed up real bad because you're not at a place you want to be in?

Well, that's what happened to me. I needed a time-out.

I'm back. I still have minutes on my clock and I'm on a roll. Let's finish the quota for the day and sing.

What would you do if you find yourself at a crossroad, disappointed at yourself because you know this isn't the path you envisioned for yourself? Do you just delete your account or face the people despite feeling so low?

So, here's what happened:

(1) I dyed my hair a bright cherry red.
(2) I went out with friends... and found out that I've been so selfish and wrapped up about myself, I didn't see how much they needed me. Another all time low, L. Good job.
(3) My ex told me that he was finally over us. And we're friends again.
(4) I've had this FRONT up ever since I found myself at an all time low. Nobody can see behind the front. I'm that good.

Welcome back, L. You're right where you started.


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Comments

  • silverwhisper said on Sep 16, 2006....
    anarchist, it's good to see you again.

    look, sometimes we need to help ourselves before we can help those we care about. i strongly suspect you're beating yourself up unnecessarily, for whatever that's worth.

    ed
  • anarchist said on Sep 17, 2006....
    it's good to be back. thanks, ed.

    i should really just let everything fall into place, is that it?
  • silverwhisper said on Sep 17, 2006....
    yeah, basically. anarchist, if your friends or other loved ones need you, you need to be in a position to help your friends rather than be so overwhelmed w/ whatever is going on in your own life that you're largely ineffective, you know?

    ed
  • anarchist said on Sep 17, 2006....
    yeah. I KNOW! that's what they've been telling me for your years. i hope it finally sank in. HAHA

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