When I was a teen I envisioned myself locking a particular boy in a cage.  I can still picture this with a good laugh.  It would be like turning the abuse around and breaking him instead of him breaking me.  I got punished for this fantasy.  I wanted him.  I wanted to dominate him because I didn't like him dominating me.  I wanted him to know what it was like to be feeling the whip.  "CRACK!!!!!!!!"  I am now realizing that I'm not abnormal for having these fantasies.  I shouldn't hold my head in shame feeling dirty because of him.  I'm stronger now because of his stupid, weak shit.  I remember wanting to sink my teeth into him.  I was a teen when I pictured that.  Now I wouldn't be comfortable with it.  I no longer want to taste the salt on his skin.  Yick.  I still wouldn't mind putting him in a cage.  I think I would leave him there instead of trying to ride his dick now though.  I am referring to Ed again.  He's the only one that I wanted to cage up in fantasy out of all 4 guys that beat me up repetitively while growing up.  I think he is the one that broke me for so long.  I worried about a man who shows no concern for me whatsoever.  Yep.  It was a sign that I was broken.  I'm coming back much stronger now.  If he only knew, he'd be fearing me if we ever ran into each other.  Eh, whatever.  He'd be stupid not to fear me.  A bitch with a mind of her own can do powerful things to a man.  I'm a changin'.  Ya'll know it.