This post is not about Hemingway's book, I'm borrowing the title because it fits so well. At one time, I had another son by marriage whose name was 'T', and is not with us anymore.

The story begins with my ex-wife, her name was 'A'. She was a very pretty girl with gold-green eyes, a fun spirit, and one of those personalities that could capture all around her. She had 'T' by another marriage when I met her. Our relationship together you could call 'off and on' from beginning to end. The main problem was that she had another personality. Not what they call a 'split' personality, but rather a Jekyll and Hyde type.

She consistently went back and forth from the most pleasing, to one most sinister in a matter of seconds. And this sinister half was always directed toward men. As is usual with so many people, the other half did not rear its head until after we were married.

Much later, I found from her relatives and those who knew her what may have caused this. Her father, who I barely ever knew wanted boys and he got two daughters. She had tried through her early years to please him. Nothing worked. He never even called her by her name. She was called 'Johnny' by him until the day he died. She mentioned this many times to me.

Immediately after high school, she married who I now know was the real love of her life and the father of 'T'. He was the good looking football player who had a way with women. Too much of a way with women as it turned out, as she repeatedly caught him under the covers with several. I know this and the divorce devastated her by the way she talked about it.

She then developed the other half of her personality. The sheer power of that great part of her now could turn into silent treatments, deeply cutting words, and the ability to walk into a room full of people with little more than a look on her face and cause the whole room total discomfort. Without a word she cleared rooms. If you have never seen this power, you don't want to.

As I said, her 'Hyde' side was always directed toward men and that now included her son. After a particularly bad week one time, he ran away from our home. He had gone to his grandmother (on his father's side) in my hometown. She of course called us immediately upon his arrival. The three of us decided a week or two stay with her would be good for the moment. Let things settle down and we would come get him.

We didn't get the chance. He had met some kids, had gone to a party with alcohol present and left with his fifteen year old friend, 'T' was younger. His friend had tried to take a curve too fast and they had hit a light pole. The phone call said they were being flown to El Paso, both needing neurosurgeons.

We met the parents of his friend that night, good people. When we went into ICU to see him, both were in beds side by side. They looked asleep, like nothing was wrong. They both received a bump on the head which caused swelling of the brain. They lay side by side for three days not moving or regaining consciousness, on the third day his friend passed. The next afternoon, 'T' died.

I shall never forget being told in the hall by an ICU nurse, then having to tell my wife. I bent down in front of her, both of our eyes wet and simply said 'he's gone'.

Things got worse between us after that. I believe my daughter was six when we divorced. In Texas, when a child turns fourteen, they can legally choose which parent to live with, and my daughter came to me right after her fourteenth birthday. I was married to my present wife then and the two of them quickly came to truly love one another as they do to this day.

Through my daughter, I've been able to keep up with 'A'. She ended up with a total of five kids and six husbands. I think it would have been seven husbands but one she lived with wouldn't marry her. She had three other boys. One never spoke to her after leaving home and I think the other two have spoken to her maybe twice.

'A' is four years older than me, so she is beginning to get up there in age. She did finally find a good man she could live with and has been married to him quite a while.

I'm not writing this to deride her. I never held bad feelings toward her. She has suffered greatly. Her sons, relatives, and so many other people held her responsible for 'T's death. She has lived with that all her life. Last year my daughter told me she was so tired, so hurt about being blamed for 'T'. She did love him so much.

If we want to play the blame game, there are usually many avenues. I feel for a fact that her father tortured her for decades. To love a father so deeply and he won't even call you by your name. And then there is the loss of your one true love through betrayal.

She simply couldn't keep from taking her hurt out on all the men in her life. Men that loved her.

I think she has settled down now. I think she has let it go. My daughter has worked on her brothers for years. She has tried desperately to bring them together.

So if you asked me right now what I would wish for if I had three wishes, I believe I'd give one to 'A'. To have her family come together, to forgive her and her them.

Just once would do it.