So things have gotten a shade brighter for me. I've stopped being the manic depressed person I once was. I've gone out and conquered some fears. Gone on some dates. Made some small plans and actually went through with them. A good small step in the right direction right? Well so why after all of this effort, and all of this work, do I still get pulled into that one person. The one person who has given me my greatest joy, and my deepest sorrow. The one who I strive to forgive and forget. She sneaks in like a ghost unseen and then unleashes her wrath leaving me in ashes. The smallest remembrance of her brings a wall of sadness. I keep telling myself that there is someone out there that will make me forget completely about her. Someone who will finally give me peace of mind again. But with every bad date, with every I'm sorry but..., with every failed advancement, I feel myself crawling back inside myself. I've told the same story of myself to what seems like a million people and still nothing that has any meaning. I'm so tired of being alone. When I'm alone I think of all the little things I took for granted and I miss them so tremendously that it overwhelms me at times. I know I just need to pick myself up and dust the dirt off for another go.  But sometimes you can't help but get discouraged with dating. Instead of being truly excited you wonder what disaster is going to happen this time. Is she going to have the personality of a brick wall? A psycho? Talk about her ex the whole time? Stare at you blankly and when you say something to break the uncomfortable silence stare at you even harder with a look like you're the crazy one? I know that one of these times I'm going to find a really sweet lady who I'm going to fall madly in love with. I just hope she enters my life soon before I have to go on too many more bad dates.