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conversation with myself...

queenparanoia posted on Jul 16, 2009 | views: 131 | Tags: talking to myself, queen is paranoid, sisters

me: i don't think i can do this.

queen: what the fuck are you talking about?

me: i dont think i can do the hardware store thing...

queen: youre stupid. of course you could do it. remember he said you can do it. he believes in you. your family believes in you. youre friends believe in you. your parents belive in you. that's why they gave you this big responsibility.

me: well that's the thing. it's a big fucking responsibility. everybody is counting on me.

queen: so?

me: so it's hard. this might be the hardest thing i'll ever do in my life...

queen: much harder than the barbecue business?

me: well... not really...

queen: how about the call center jobsyou had?

me: ummm.....

queen: how about all the years you studied chemical engineering???

me:...

queen: or how about taking care of your grandparents? all through out your young life you took care of them coming in and out of the hospital???

me: well...

queen: or how about the time your friend died??? remember that night??? is there anything harder in your life than that night??? where you have to look at his lifeless body for a few hours. wishing that he was still alive. but he's not... that was the hardest time of your life wasnt??? tell me, is teh hardware store harder???

me: no...

queen: or how abou the time you wanted to kill yourself? yeah we have those moments... remember the worst moment??? it was three years ago... if youre friend didnt talk you out of it you would have been dead right now...

me: youre a bitch... that was mean...

queen: it's the truth... tell me is the hardware store gonna be harder???

me: no.

queen: then stop whining.

me: i can't i'm scared.

queen: youre supposed to be scared.

me: what if i ran out of time? i'm scared that the plan won't come through.

queen: if you won't do this then the plan won't come through.

me: i'm scared to lose....

queen: youre not gonna lose the plan...

me: i lost my train of thought motehr just called.

queen: dont change the fucking subject!!! yorue not gonna quit... everyody is counting in you!!!

me: what in "i'm scared" you dont understand???

queen: are you scared or are you lazy???

me: both...

queen: then stop being lazy...

me: i'll try...

queen: dont try!!! do it!!!! stick to the fucking plan... you said you want to change youre life right??? you said you want to live your life you wanted right??? so do it!!!!!!!!!! just fucking do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me:....

queen: you dont need anyone to push you to do this. you know that. you know that you have the capabilities to do this. that you can suceed in something when you put your mind to it. you already proven it to yourself... what more do you need?

me: assurance...

queen: you know that life is worth living if you have faith in everything you do... you dont need assurance in everything to make life worth while.

me: i'm still scared.

queen: do you want someone important lose faith in you because yorue scared???

me: no... i'm more scared if that happens....

queen: so shut the fuck up and be the best that you can be... you can do the fucking hadrware store...

me: you know you can be real bitch sometimes.

queen: well because you don't listen to me if i'm nice.

me: yeah but youre pretty mean....

queen: were one person you know...

me: i know.

queen: are we gonna be stuck in m's house right now?

me: yes because it's raining and we can't go home because of the flood and our friend c is sick in the hospital we need to visit her.

queen: oh ok. i have no problem with that.

me: i wonder what would soulcaster would think of us now that they know that i talk to msyef?

queen: youre screen name is queenparanoia... so i'm pretty sure they already know youre paranoid.

me: LOL....

queen: wanna play facebook games?

me: we can't because m's laptop sucks...

queen: i know...

me: well what are we going to do now?

queen: read blogs of course... but we have to say our tagline before...

me: ok.

queen: 1, 2, 3...

me and queen:

 

 

 

keep on blogging!!!



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Comments

  • Hegemone said on Jul 16, 2009....
    Well Queenie, lol, happy to see you talked yourself through it.  Keep that stuff up ... but you might want to umm ... be a little more discreet when you're actually running the hardware store ... it might worry people.  Just kidding, but really, I think you  made a lot of good points.  Don't be scared, you can do it, you'll be fantastic.  And any time it's really getting tough, don't give up ... call someone, come here and blog, or talk to yourself, lol.
  • queenparanoia said on Jul 16, 2009....
    hegemone: this is actually very relaxing... it's a nice way to releasewhat i feel... because seriously i do talk to myself. people think i'm crazy it's just it's easier to understand teh situation if i talk about it with myself... i dont know if that makes sense...lol...;-)
  • uniquely-ironic said on Jul 16, 2009....
    nothing like a little self pep talk! :)
     
    It's scary starting something new.  Big responsibilities are intimidating.  But you have it in you to do this very well!  You've already proven you can handle it.
  • queenparanoia said on Jul 16, 2009....
    uniquely: i guess it's scarier this time becuase it's a bigger responsibility... but i know i can do it... ;-)
  • Hegemone said on Jul 16, 2009....
    Queenie, it does, because you don't have to waste pointless time explaining anything, you can say what needs to be said and you are only talking to yourself so the usual social/emotional cues and blockages don't come up.  I mean, it's not as if you're socially awkward and don't talk to others, and you don't prefer to talk to only yourself all the time, so it's not that bizarre really.
  • queenparanoia said on Jul 16, 2009....
    hegemone: hmmmmm true true... i also talk to myself when i'm doing somethinglike playing facebook games or watching a movie or reading a book. sometimes my siblings make fun of me for doingthat because i'm so into what i'm doing...lol...
  • Hegemone said on Jul 16, 2009....
    Hey, if it makes you happy, keep it up, lol.  I can't tell you how many times I've stopped and felt like an utter idiot because I was talking to myself ... or giving a voice to my cat, assuming I know what he's thinking, and having a conversation with myself.  I can't tell you how many enlightening conversations I've had with Yellow Kitty because of that, lmao.
  • Psych-ed said on Jul 16, 2009....
    Talking to yourself is cheaper than therapy. I do it all the time :)!
  • queenparanoia said on Jul 16, 2009....

    hegemone: i will!!! :-)

    psych-ed: so true!!! :-)

  • quietone said on Jul 16, 2009....
    LOL queenie, this sounds so familiar... I talk and answer myself all the time.  Sounds like that "queen" is on the right track, I think you should listen to her more often... you know she is right!  that is one thing about talking to yourself, you are NEVER wrong!  : o
    Now, get going to the store - this is your mommy speaking hehehe
  • alabamagirl said on Jul 16, 2009....
    Good Job, queen, you should listen to yourself, sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders.  I've heard that you shouldn't answer yourself, though, but i do, how else can I have a conversation with myself if I don't answer?
  • queenparanoia said on Jul 16, 2009....

    quitone: yes mommy dearest... ;-)

    alabamagrl: hahhah good point! how can i have a conversation with yourself if i dont answer??? lol..

  • UnicornForm said on Jul 16, 2009....
     
    wow queenie you did a good job talking to yourself, i cant do that b/c my other diva personalities butt in and i cant even hear myself.
  • Me-Myself&I said on Jul 16, 2009....
    it sounds as if you are keeping yourself in line there girlfriend! ;~)
  • queenparanoia said on Jul 16, 2009....
    unicornform: :-)
     
    memy: i am... ;-)
  • seer said on Jul 17, 2009....
    Hmm just like a scene from fightclub. Are you going to blow up all the credit control facilities? I'll buy you a beer if you do.
  • PAPERBACKWRITER said on Jul 17, 2009....


    <3

    ate :)


  • queenparanoia said on Jul 17, 2009....

    seer: ohhh i love that movie!!! maybe i would do something like that... ;-)

    paper: salamat po... ;-)

  • seer said on Jul 17, 2009....

    If you are going to blow up all the credit control facilities in the world, I'll help! I can't do a getaway driver thingy, but we could escape on my motorbike?

  • queenparanoia said on Jul 18, 2009....
    seer: i dont know... i'm scared riding a motorbike...lol... ;-)
  • seer said on Jul 18, 2009....
    Lol. Well I'm 6 feet 5 inches tall, and 280lbs, so you could just ride piggyback and I could run?
  • queenparanoia said on Jul 19, 2009....
    seer: today i rode my brother's motorcycle. he wasnt really that fast (he was the one driving) but i keep shouting.. slow down what the fuck slow down!!!! LOL.... so you see i dont really like motorcycles... LOL...

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