• gingersoul said on Jul 12, 2009....

  Well...this really hits close to my home..
  
  I can tell you for sure that the power of a baby is huge..don't underestimate it...
  It can tie family together and make people stick despite other feelings.
  I can say it for personal experience.
  
  One day my ex husband left me for another woman. After only one month they were together (we were still separated) she got pregnant. He tried to respect his responsibilities with her but after 6 months he left her because he swore he couldn't live without me.
  
  The baby? i asked. He said, we will figured it out together.
  So I took him back because i loved him very much.
  
  He seemed really changed and committed and for a while it seemed everything was going in a good way for us.
  But the she started to play the baby-card, asking him to be more helpful, to pay for all her bills and the house she was living in, asking to be an active father and so on.
  He started to feel eaten up by guilt..
  
  Then the baby arrived and he fell in love with the baby. He even asked me to adopt her.
  Two months after the birth he gave up....he left me again. To give the baby a real present father, he said.
  They got married soon after our divorce.
  Baby -1
  Me - 0
  
  Each situation is different, naturally .....
  But i wanted to share with you my story.
  Good luck.
  

• savantics said on Jul 12, 2009....

  trust me,....ginger that is a very valid worry i have,.....
  and he is,....in love with that little week old baby,.....i can see it in his face, i can hear it in his voice,......i see it in the way the hold her, the way he dotes on her,......the way he's so protective of her,...and she just got here,....
  
  but there's do doubt in my mind that the minute that little baby was placed in his arms,...she was his,....
  
  and this is a man who swore to me he didnt think kids would ever be for him
  
  but at this point, what can i do?
  i have to ride it out,....
  i have to be supportive,.....
  i have to
  
  i have to do those things for me as well as him,...
  
  it is his choice,....
  i love him,.....and well,....
  i'm not gonna make it easy for him to give me up
  i've been given up before
  
  but if he does give me up,.....then that's his truth, and i'll accept it and move on
  
  thank you so much for sharein your story with me,....
  really
  thank you
  

• Hegemone said on Jul 12, 2009....

  Well it looks as if you're taking a healthy view about this.  I think if he's adamant that he doesn't want to rerun the avenue of being with the baby's mother, he probably means it and that might be best for everybody, especially the baby.  Things can work out this way, even though it might seem odd.  I noticed you said you'd hide and watch ... but try not to hide too much, it might not work to your advantage.  Best of luck and glad that you had a chance to clear your head a little.

• secretlife said on Jul 12, 2009....

  just be sure you aren't making excuses for him.  i know that's easier said than done-  but what he did not telling you up front was not the most honest thing in the world- 
   
   

• gingersoul said on Jul 12, 2009....

  Sava.........i agree with Secret...not telling you since the beginning of your relationship has been the most dishonest thing to do..
  
  What he was thinking? To never tell you about the baby?
  But now that all is under the sun you have to learn from his past behavior and be warned.
  
  Like Heggie said, don't be in the background like a wallflower.
  This is not only between him and her, its most definitely between him and you and you and them.
  
  If he told you that you are in this game, well, be sure you are in. Voice your worries, watch their steps, be guarded...its a very tricky situation...
  
  Be visible, affirmative and be recognized in your rights to know what's going on. This might also mean going with him when he goes visiting his baby and the mother.
  She has to know and see you are not going anywhere.

• UnicornForm said on Jul 13, 2009....

  <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<33

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