Earlier today I explained to my parents that since financial aid canceled my awards, I could not return for my second year at my university so I would have to do a back-up plan and attend a community college to take classes instead. I figured that this way I could still take classes for an affordable price that I myself could pay out of pocket. It's better than nothing, right? Better than sitting around, wasting a semester as I did not want to be behind on my track plan of graduating from college in 2012. Feeling pretty good that I came up with a solution that rendered me able to continue receiving education, I was not prepared for what came out of my father's mouth.

My father looked at me with disgust saying, "If you had understood the consequences, such as this, that would have happened if you slacked off on the grades, this would not have happened in the first place to begin with, stupid girl."

That struck a nerve. First off, I had mono. What was I to do if the doctor had specifically ordered me not to attend classes, or even take finals? I had taken the appropriate action with my teachers, with letters from the physician. I even filled out the paperwork as was necessary to follow through with this. I went home sick and pale, having lost a good twenty or more pounds. I've had a range of illnesses that seriously affected my daily functions, and mono was not any different. Who the hell did my father think he was to say that I was slacking off on my grades, using mono as an excuse to cover my ass, when he, of all people, knows me better than this?

In high school all I ever did was try to please my parents. My parents required that I have a grade point average of a 3.5, nothing less. A's and B's only, not even B minuses were accepted. I was the captain of both high school varsity and competitive softball, president of the speech and debate, treasurer for the Animal Friends Connection club, member of the chess club, did volunteer work at preschool/kindergarten classrooms for the deaf and hearing, staff writer for the high school yearbook and newspaper, had a job as the librarian's assistant all while balancing a shitload of AP classes at school. My social life was nil, practically squat.

Now I'm nineteen and in college, I finally have the freedom to do what I want with my life and to have direction my own way, and my father goes off on me about not going to university over what was actually not my fault, over what happened practically a year ago? He didn't even go to college himself, so he should be damned grateful that his own daughter is going. What more does he want from me? I practically broke down and cried after my father left.

As if that's not enough, I have yet to tell my parents that I'm moving to Texas to be with Rhett this weekend. That's the other decision I know they're definitely going to even more so flip out, so I have to brace myself for that...

Don't get me wrong, I love California but I need a break from this. The state economy is beyond disaster. I'm sick of being financially stressed out. I'm a kid for crying out loud - I should be enjoying life instead of being like this. Sigh. Rhett's family has offered to have me stay there as long as I want at their home, and I have to say that I'm very grateful. I don't even have to help pay for any bills, rent or food. Rhett's grandmother is so sweet. She loves me already, as if I'm her own daughter. Besides, this sure beats having to pay high-end wages for living in Southern California in a shitty, crammed apartment. This way I can save money - only having to afford my phone bill, health insurance, and the storage fee.

I think that I'm making a pretty smart move, financially. But gee, I just don't know. My family is going to think that I'm whacky for doing this, and it won't be a far leap from someone concluding that I should see a therapist or land the insane asylum. After all, my first year of college practically destroyed their expectations of me - I partied, drank, hung out with people who do drugs, tried drugs. They're very against all of that. My father lost it when he discovered that I had started participating in the party scene, drinking and whatnot. What's more, they also are religious as Mormons, being huge on no sex until marriage. They don't know this, but I lost my virginty too. It's going to break my mother's heart if she knew about this. ):

Ugh. I don't know which I hate more: hiding things from my parents and not being my true self, or getting judged and criticized like no tomorrow from my parents just for being who I am.