• uniquely-ironic said on Jul 06, 2009....

  committment is male kryptonite.
   
  I think it's one of those things that defies explanation. (or rational explanation)  Let me know if you ever get a man to explain it to you.

• beyondtheveil said on Jul 06, 2009....

  diabo- A boy, huh? Most of us are. We have to be ready for commitment - we have so much to lose.
  
  After marriage we can't stare like we used to. We have to change our underwear regularly and can't keep them 'till they're falling apart. We have to be careful before farting and spitting. The remote is shared. Tacos and hot dogs cease to be staples. The room in the fridge is used by useless crap other than beer.
  
  I guess now you understand.
  

• uniquely-ironic said on Jul 06, 2009....

  [laughing at beyond]

• wombat said on Jul 06, 2009....

  Women start out looking for "their home and place."
   
  Men start out looking for all they can grab before they become "that place."
   
  When a woman gets fed up, she decides to be like a man and have some of that "looking" fun.
   
  When a man gets fed up, he leaves.
   
  When a man and woman meet who are both looking for "that place" it usually works.
   
  It's a matter of luck and timing---and maybe devine intervention.

• diabolicdame said on Jul 06, 2009....

  uni.. LOL.. yeah and I think every man is a closet super-man.. so kryptonite is perfect!! hehehe.. I think we'll just have to explain it to ourselves! lol..
   
  btv.. hahahahaha.. oh my god! LOL.. yes I do understand.. that sounds aweful! You poor men! I never thought of it that way! To think of the fridge having stuff other than beer! hahahaha.. you know that remainds me.. now that we're gonna be together after 3 years of long distance, bf has been saying stuff like 'I better do this before you get here.. my life is about to be over! errr I mean my bachelor life honey.. ahem.'.. LOL..
   
  uni.. me too.. actually laughing out loud! :-D

• diabolicdame said on Jul 06, 2009....

  wombie.. thats very well put!! Yes I guess those are the basic differences between us.. and I've always thought that timing has more to do with happily ever after (if there is any) than we think! Divine intervention or hypnosis might be required too.. lol..

• fragglesrock said on Jul 06, 2009....

  hiya dd! i loved this. it's so classically "man". i will most likely NEVER understand!

  @ beyond..."We have to change our underwear regularly and can't keep them 'till they're falling apart. We have to be careful before farting and spitting. The remote is shared. Tacos and hot dogs cease to be staples. The room in the fridge is used by useless crap other than beer."
  

  THAT SOUNDS LIKE MY WORRIES!!!!!    

• wombat said on Jul 06, 2009....

  Don't discount "hypnosis" if you're out there looking....believe me.  What you need, you will get, eventually.

  Sort of like that movie, "If you build it, they will come." 

  (based on my wish for someone, who was wishing for someone....and then there we both were)

  At least in a perfect world...

• moonriver said on Jul 06, 2009....

  hi ddame.
  i dunno about other "boys," but i never felt that way about entering into a commitment in the form of marriage.
  when sophie and i started seriously dating, we both believed we were building up towards a lifetime relationship.
  we started talking and actually planning about our future, kids, work, where we wanted to stay, etc.
  
  
  i have an explanation for this, though, that applies at least to me...
  remember that we met each other as underground fighters, which required a political commitment that could kill us or land us in jail any day.
  in that context, we saw married life as something so precious because it seems so ethereal, so transient in our situation.
  in the underground, married life and family life became ideal, stabilizing sanctuaries in those otherwise harsh, cruel and chaotic years.
  
  
  in short:
  not all "boys" think that way.
  i think much depends on the social context.
  but knowing what i do about your BF, i think i totally understand his touchiness about these topics.
  
  
  i was so reluctant and fearful about sophie and i having a baby, right until she gave birth.
  (i was in a distant territory when she gave birth to our eldest son.)
  but when i arrived, and saw miggy suckling at his mother's breast, and he grasped my thumb in his tiny fingers, all worries simply evaporated away... :-)
   
  it's a phase. it will pass.

  
  

• mOOn_platOOn said on Jul 06, 2009....

  O
   
  Okay - first of all STOP TEASING him. He thinks you're serious and there won't be any convincing him otherwise. Why? Because that's what we're ready to believe about ALL WOMEN. You want attention in the marriage department. Try a technique called the TAKEAWAY. People want what they can't have. Show some independence and be brave enough to wait it out. If this is the relationship that you THINK - or HOPE - that it is, he definitely will move toward you. Begin by dropping casual comments like "I'm not really sure I ever want to have kids. I want my freedom."
   
  The minute a healthy male feels his sexual options closing down, he feels threatened. It has to be his choice, but the choice is not a natural one for us. We want to spread our seed and maximize our survival. That's 3 million years of hard-wiring for ya. But commitment is possible. See my latest post for my own story.
   
  O

• diabolicdame said on Jul 06, 2009....

  frags.. LOL @ your worries.. hahahaha.. and none of us women will understand! hehehe..

  wombie.. yeah I'm always hopeful in thinking what I need I will get.. sometimes downright stubborn but hey, it works most times! hehe.. maybe hypnosis is worth learning? lol.. :-D

  moonie.. wow it actually is very situation dependent, isnt it! In the kind of times that you described just there, marriage would sound like a cozy heaven to the most phobic types too! I've heard that so many times about babies though you know.. that once you see them, all worries go away.. I think babies are just magical that way! hehe..

  You know, I actually understand his touchiness too.. heck I feel the same way! I cant believe I'm almost 22 as it is! Marriage is way too grown up! lol.. one time he actually reversed it on me.. I was toying with him and having my fun.. and he went right around and said 'Yes actually lets talk about marriage!'.. you should've heard my nervous laughter! LOL..

  Phases they are.. I hope atleast..lol..   :-)

  mOOn.. hahahaha.. lol.. I love the way you seem to have it down to a science! LOL.. seriously.. you sound like this is a lab technique you are well aware of! Thanks for sharing the protocol with me though! hehehe.. but you know.. what if I say "I'm not really sure I ever want to have kids. I want my freedom." and he takes THAT seriously? Wouldnt that be just as bad? hehehe.. LOL at the 3 million years of hard wiring! hehehehe.. you know your reverse psychology theory might just have some merit to it afterall.. I will remember it! hehe..  ;-)

• wolfafterurazz said on Jul 06, 2009....

  My babysitter from childhood had this BF and they never got married. My mom still keeps in contact with her, They finally split up over this very subject after many years like 25 and three kids he still refused. DUMP HIM NOW! If he loved you he would marry you. Don't waste your whole life on the wrong man. Pssttt wanna get married? see how easy it is. ~WINK~WOLF~

• silverwhisper said on Jul 06, 2009....

  dd, i hate to say it, but the issue is that he's not very mature. boys fear commitment: men do not.
  
  ed

• Hegemone said on Jul 06, 2009....

  Yeah, I think the commitment thing with guys goes in stages.  Boys, not likely to be OK with it ... unless they can see themselves getting something out of it or maybe being able to work around it, thus not a very good guy in the first place.  Men, well they're mature enough to realize what a commitment really means and how good it can be if they work at it with their partner.  All depends on what stage in the game of life he is I suppose.  But yeah, in the right settings it is interesting to play around with the conversation and see what comes out, as long as you're ready to hear it and know that it might not be what you were expecting or what you want.

• queenparanoia said on Jul 06, 2009....

  this is why i dont like dating boys my age...lol... just give him time dd... after a few years or so he'll change his mind about marriage... ;-)

• moonriver said on Jul 06, 2009....

  ddame, i read the other comments and your responses.
  knowing what i know, your bf is it. he da man, period.
  your mr. right, your destiny, your whatever ever.
  just give him more time for his fate to sink in.
  and nudge him every so often in the right direction, to keep him on his toes.
  
  
  a bold prediction: 
  2, 3 years from now, there will be a great wedding in the vicinity of punjab or assam, overflowing with food and drink, and some of your sc friends will even be there to celebrate with you.
  wanna bet? ;-)
  (sometimes i'm just sooo irritatingly optimistic. lol)
  
  

• RollingC said on Jul 07, 2009....

  And then again marriage is not for everyone.   At least not so early. 
  Most of the people that I know that got married young did so because they had to and the love and commitment grew and evolved as time passed, and as the family grew.  And then some waited and got married later.  It's different for everybody and yet it's the same.   Love and Commitment go hand in hand in order for the relationship to grow and evolve into the beautiful state of being called married life. 
  Rc
   

• diabolicdame said on Jul 07, 2009....

  wolf.. Thats a scary example but.. dont worry.. I stand no threat of it happening.. hehe.. I know him.. there are no isecurities and doubts in my head about him at all..   :-)
   
  ed.. I'll just wait for this boy to turn into a man.. hehe.. most times actually he is the mature one in our relationship.. so if he has his moments of boyishness, I can understand.. we're both growing togehter.. thanks.. :-)
   
  hege.. yeah thats true.. its all about what stage of life you're at.. but me and him.. these games we play with each other are supreficial.. I know what runs under it.. When the time is right for us, we'll know.. :-)
   
  queenie.. yeah I need to give me time too.. when we're ready we'll tell each other I guess.. lol.. :-D
   
  moonie.. LOL no I love irritating optimism!! hehehe.. and you know what, you're right.. I know he da man! hehe.. and that line you said, 'just give him more time for his fate to sink in'.. thats what I say to him!! LOL.. 'its inevitable honey.. prepare youself'.. and then I laugh and evil laugh! hehehe.. I thank my stars that I foud him, you know? He really pushes me to be the best person I can be.. thats how I know he is it! That and a few other thing.. hehe.. oh and by the way it will be New Delhi I think and I'd love to have some SC friends with me!!  ;-)
   

• diabolicdame said on Jul 07, 2009....

  Rolling.. Yeah I think it depends from person to person.. wild horses couldnt get me to marry right now!! LOL.. I'm still studyin and I frankly feel like a kid at times. So early marriage is.. well.. not for me atleast. Talking about it is one thing.. doing it is a whole other practicality. I love what you said there though.. about love and commitment.. so wise and true!  :-)

• UnicornForm said on Jul 07, 2009....

  I agree with diabolical, because im a woman and will not commit in any form...maybe because im a tomboy..I wish i knew the asnwer to your question

• Lucytorial said on Jul 07, 2009....

  Dbabe, one of the major things ! men have I think is that its not so much getting married, thats a piece of paper, its the fact that usualy babies happen and then the reall tough one, the sexy young lover changes into a mother.  Men believe they lose their lover when babies come so ergo commitment to that is a HUGE ask....

• cuppajava said on Jul 07, 2009....

  trying to stand up for the male population here -just a little - sorry dbabe - i know that a lot of men,would prefer to get married later in life,in their early to late 30's -it reduces the chance of having kids,due to age - so it means that as much as the both of you started as a couple,it ensures that the both of you would remain a couple,and maybe he is happy with that.He is probably comfortable with the relationship,maybe too comfortable and thats why the reaction.He may just be a bit afraid of the m word cos he thinks it comes with responsibilities that are not there now.But it all boils down to friendship.Yes,you are a couple,but you were friends first and should obvioulsy stil be friends now.So that fact that you would be married,should and would,just be a piece of paper,or a way of making it official,so to say.But the biggest test of things would for the both of you to live together first for a while,so that you can both suss out each others not so nice habits and get used to them,if they are not going to change.
  At least that way,when you get married,you can concentrate on letting the relationship and the bond develop,instead of picking on things about the other that you dont like.
  I know that this sounds like a load of nonsense.....but in hindsight,and from experience,it works.Couples were friends first and should stay that way life long
  

• diabolicdame said on Jul 07, 2009....

  UnicornForm.. I think its one of those rhetorical questions without an answer! hehe.. or atleast a time related one.. we all find our answers at the right time.. I think..  :-)

  Lucy.. I think you might be on to something there.. I didnt even think about that.. so its kinda like a step towards this huge change, huh.. hmmmn..

  CJ.. No its not nonsense.. I agree with you! People should definitely be friends before anything else.. whats love without friendship! Its like what they say.. its important to like the person you love.. you know? I think its also smart to test the water by living together first.. kinda get used to each other and know what to expect.. very wise.. thanks!  :-)

• mOOn_platOOn said on Jul 07, 2009....

  O
  
  wOw - silverwhisper, what a line! Macho up why doncha???
  
  Gee diabolic one, I see that you have this all worked out. So forget the mind games. But believe me, they work when you're testing. ;)
  
  O
  

• diabolicdame said on Jul 07, 2009....

  mOOn.. yeah I quit the mind games a while back.. but I agree that there is a time when they're useful! 

• UnicornForm said on Jul 08, 2009....

  yeah and mind games are oh so fun when its known its a game

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