After I finished my last entry I went to see if Nathaniel was ready to talk. He wouldn't answer the door so I went back to John's to be with the rest of the family. He may have been asleep, I don't know.
I had intended to return around nine or so, once the rest of the gang headed down to the lake to watch the fireworks, but I got to talking with John and didn't leave until nearly eleven. When I arrived at home Nate's door was still locked and he wasn't answering the door yet. So I went to my room and took a long hot shower to 'cool off'.
Refreshed from the shower I decided to get online to see what if anything was happening around here. Not a whole lot really as most were most likely still partying it up.
Shortly after I came back downstairs Nate wandered into my study and just stood there watching me flip through web pages. I felt his presence but did not acknowledge him until he spoke. Two can play the cold shoulder game. It may have been a tad childish of me but what the hey, I'm old. I'm entitled.
His first words after the fiasco at John's were, "I wanted to go to the fireworks." I almost came unglued! "You have a phone, why didn't you call?" I asked.
He then came up behind me and started to rub my shoulders and neck, my but didn't that feel good. I pulled away from him though and turned to face him. "Well?"
"I thought you were mad at me, so I was afraid to call."
Ah! A touch of remorse perhaps? A good sign. "Of course I was angry with you, you acted the fool. And to top it off when we got home you refused to talk with me. How do you think that made me feel?"
At that he threw his arms around me and started to sob. "I'm sorry Gramps, I know I hurt you. I'm sorry."
With that I simply melted. I'm an old softy anyway but when it comes to him I just can't help it. He's my boy. We held each other for several minutes, both with tears running down our cheeks.
When we released each other we each turned away to dry our eyes. Then I suggested that we go to the kitchen to find a snack. We tend to do our best talking at times like this when we are stuffing our faces.
We discovered an unopened half gallon of Blueberry Shortcake Ice Cream in the freezer and did our best to devour it over the next hour or so. We didn't even bother to serve it up, we just grabbed two spoons and ate directly from the carton. Ah, the joys of bachelorhood! Edna would have killed us. As it was I was certain I would be experiencing a degree of remorse myself come morning.
As we talked it came to light that the comment I heard was only one of many the antagonizing fool had made over the course of less than an hour. The comments were largely about Anthony's one inning on the mound. The one that finally got to Nathaniel was to the effect the Anthony choked on that last pitch, thus costing us the game. The fact is that he put the ball exactly where I told him to, so if anyone screwed up it was the manager, not the pitcher. I told Nate that and he said that he knew, Anthony had told him about the conference on the mound just prior to the pitch. Nate was playing shortstop and when we started to come in to join the conference I waved him off, otherwise he would have heard the whole thing himself. But all that aside, Nate over reacted and that was the issue at hand, not who might have said what to whom.
We talked, as we normally would after any such incident, for well over an hour. I would that we had done it much earlier, then he wouldn't have missed the BBQ. He can be so damnably obstinate at times. But in his defense, the situation was a very difficult one for him from the get go. He was with a bunch of folk he doesn't know very well, he was still on a bit of an adrenalin rush from the game itself and he was about to crash and burn anyway. Had he stayed he would have no doubt found a quiet place to nap before too long. He's like that. Having Anthony there was an added pressure and to watch and listen to Anthony take the heat for our loss was simply too much. Still, he has to learn that he simply cannot lose control in such situations, he can and must maintain control at all times. It is more important for him and those like him than it is for any other child. He knows this.
After we talked it out I told him to go take a shower and get dressed, we're going out. I didn't give him any clue as to where we were going, I just told him that we were going out. While he was doing that I got dressed myself (I was in a pair of lounge pants and a robe, not exactly fit attire for wandering about town.)
When he was ready we headed out to an all night driving range about forty miles away. I thought that if he could hit a few balls he might be able to let off some steam and relax a bit more. It seemed to work and within an hour he was much more at ease, both with himself and with his world. He was laughing and telling jokes (some of them not exactly age appropriate) and generally having a good time. Once he seemed sufficiently relaxed I told him that I was thinking about not allowing Anthony to move in for the summer.
When it sunk in what I had said a look of disappointment came over his face, then a brief flicker of anger fired up in his eyes. Then he sighed and said, "Oh, OK, if that's what you decide. You know I really want him to though."
Victory! He learned that he can control his rage. Or actually reinforced that which he has already learned.
On the way home I suggested that sometime tomorrow he call Anthony and ask him to come over for a short while so that I can speak with him.
After he thought it over for a few minutes he said, "Yeah, well I guess if you're going to say no it would be best to tell him in person, huh."
Acceptance! Even though he thinks I haven't made up my mind yet for sure, he has accepted the possibility that he wasn't going to get his way. And he was calm about it.
I have made a lot of progress with him in just this manner over the last few months.
He is beginning to grow up.
