Which time is the last time? Never, if you take for granted that you've already made that mistake for the last time. ... of saying or doing the worst, stupidest, most thoughtless thing.
My frustration had reached a peak at work this week. Master and i were working together - and W/we were both frustrated with certain things. Later, i let that frustration and the conversation Master and i had together about it, spill out of me in a moment which i instantly regretted. i knew it was stupid and i should have immediately taken it back and said i was just feeling frustrated and a bit angry. But i didn't take it back - i let it stand and then i forgot about it completely because we were all so busy all night working. It was spiteful and mean spirited and it was just bile coming out and i said it in front of someone and ofcourse Master heard about it afterwards and was extremely displeased to put it mildly.
i've apologized ofcourse but its not enough and He has gone out for the night to a friends house. W/we've known her a while and have played with her a few times. W/we were to go there together tonight but i wasn't ready to go when He was because i knew He was upset with me and i didn't think we were going to go. So He went without me. She will suck His cock. That's okay, i don't mind - i hope it helps Master to relax and enjoy. She's much better at it than L was! Not as good as i am ofcourse but pretty good.
Anyway, i've been pretty good at keeping on an even keel lately - but the frustration of the whole build up to this particular day got away from me and i forgot to check myself before going in. i forgot to give myself the reminder to not let emotions rule - particularly anger and frustration.
i'm a stupid bitch. and bipolar (if that's what is 'responsible' for this erratic, painful behaviour i repeat) is a bitch. Everyday, when i wake up i will count my blessings and remind myself to be in control. Every time i am in a stressful situation - i will count my blessings and remind myself to be in control.
i love my Master - He is a good man. He allowed me to talk to Him and present my apology despite it's uselessness and He allowed me to speak to Him and offer my hopes that He relax, enjoy His blowjob from D and come home to me when He is finished.
i pray that He does.
