I thought it might be time for me to talk about my relationship with my eldest grandson, which some of my friends think a tad peculiar. Few understand the struggles we've shared or the long road we took to get where we are today.
I will have to go back to the day Janet discovered she was pregnant. It was not a happy day for her for she was terrified that she did not possess the qualities required to make a good mother. Daniel of course was delighted, they had been married for almost four years at that point and he was eager to begin raising a family. As I have mentioned before, Janet has always been a troubled soul.
During the course of the pregnancy she became more and more withdrawn and her mood swings were almost unbearable. They were living with Edna and I at the Old House at the time and that made matters even more difficult for us. Beth was still in high school and Cynthia was just beginning college in another state.
My business was struggling a bit and that only added to the overall stress level in the household. I remember having the painful task of deciding which of my valuable employees I had to let go. As it turned out however I large bid came through and saved the day for the moment anyway.
By the time Nathaniel was born in March of 1993 Janet had nearly lost all contact with reality. She refused to have anything to do with her 'demon child' So it was that Edna and I took care of him as though he were our own. In fact he very much was our child.
Over the course of the next couple years she (Janet) settled down considerably but she had missed to opportunity to bond with her son in those vital weeks and months following birth. She couldn't get close to him or even hold him for more than a few minutes at a time, as he would fuss terribly.
During this period of time Daniel and she bought the house where they lived until recently and she soon discovered that she was once again pregnant. This time however, she was more in control of her emotions and was looking forward to the new child. When Aaron was born in November of 1995 she insisted for the first time that Nathaniel come to live with them. As one might imagine, by that time Edna and I had formed quite a bond with the child and parting with him was most difficult.
Janet continued to have difficulty with Nathaniel as he was at a most precocious stage and quite demanding. Things went fairly well however until she discovered that she was once again pregnant. It was then that she ask Edna and I to take him back as she was fearful for her unborn child. Daniel was in a very difficult position at that point as he loved his wife dearly and saw daily the difficulties she had with him. He reluctantly brought him to the us, tears in his eyes as he helped us get him set up in his room. Nate however was elated.
Nate stayed with us throughout Janet's third pregnancy and for the first year of Alicia's life. She was born in May of1998. Then Janet decided that she wanted her children to grow up with their older brother, quite a natural sentiment really. So once again Edna tearfully packed up Nathaniel's things and sent him home. There he remained until recently when he moved back in with the old man.
The intervening years have been most difficult for all involved. Nate always wanted to move back to Gram and Gramps and the emotional struggle for Janet intensified. As a result he spent many weekends with us and often several weeks in the summer.
When Nate was six or thereabouts he was diagnosed with ADHD. I fought long and hard to keep the doctors from medicating him.. I had gone throught that before with David. Not a pleasant experience at all, watching your child nearly starve simply because the meds caused severe loss of appitite. By the time David entered high school he was at least three years behind in growth due to the meds. I was not going to allow that to happen to my grandson. David and Daniel both supported me on this, Janet however was quite prepared to allow the doctors to turn the boy into a living zombie. She was tired of the daily struggle with his behavior. I sympathised to a degree but stood my ground nonetheless. We prevailed and Nathaniel was allowed to mature normally. Yes, he has had some very trying moments and has done some damage, both at home and here. But at least he wasn't drugged up all damn day long.
As he has matured he has learned to cope with his problem and his behavior issues have nearly vanished. To be sure, he still has his moments and he gets quite moody at times, but by and large he has developed the skills to control his outbursts. Also I tend to keep him quite busy when he is at home. He really is a great kid and smart as a whip. He maintains an A average in school and is quite involved in activities there. Most of his teachers have no idea that he has ADHD. Those few who do have looked at his files to gain some insight into his moodiness. He is by and large not disruptive in school, at least no more so than any other boy his age.
Over the years his mother has picked at every little thing he does and makes a major issue out of the smallest things. The relationship between the two took a major downward spiral when he reached puberty and has continued since. Life at home for him had become quite impossible by late last year. That is why he is with me today.
He remains very close to his father and his siblings and I know he misses the daily contact with them he deserves, but this I believe is the better option for him at this point. I would that it were different. There are moments when I wish I could be shed of him, they are very brief although. I love him profoundly.
Anyway that is a bit of history on my boy. Perhaps you can begin to understand why it is that he and I are so close. And why it is that he is either the subject of or is at least mentioned in most of my postings here.
soaring
