It is a difficult time. Husband is in the hospital. He went in for a drug loading and a cardioversion. We've been down this road before and though we don't like it, we know it. We also knew that he might have pulmonary hypertension. This is not something you want to have and we were crossing our fingers that the CT scan said NOPE, not that. But aren't there just always surpises out there...The doctore came in and said, looks like pulmonary hypertension. Once the heart is converted there needs to be another cath done. Then she took a deep breath and said that something else showed up on the scan. A nodule in the lower, left lung. The tears started running right away. They didn't need to hear anything else at all. Now he sees a pulmonary specialist to have a biopsy and to consult about the pulmonary hpertension, though that is caused by the weakened heart. I kissed husband good bye. Went home and had a good cry and took a mini nap. Pumped myself up and returned. He's being strong but knows how bad all of this is. Lordy, everytime I pass a nurse they ask me how I am. That doesn't comfort me.
And dear Soul Casters, husband has told me not to share this news with anyone. Not the children, not my parents or brothers, not my friends. Perhaps the nodule will be nothing important. Perhaps the pulmonary hpertension will be in the early stages.Perhaps his heart will return to rhythm. Perhaps our lives are going to be very difficult for awhile. Perhaps my husband will leave his family much too soon. Perhaps it is asking a lot for me to pretend all is well.
Two things. 1. Postpone nothing. 2. Thank you for giving me a place to share. (even when I promised cheerful for the next post. I lied.)
