I'm blogging again. hmm, somehow my inconsistence here ( i don't know if I wrote that right) is a part of my usual ways of living, or part of my character already.

I almost never can keep on doing same things over and over. As such I decided a year ago to become an entrepreneur. a self employed. Somehow I made it for the last year and up to this month, although I keep saying I should be making more.

Objectively I had more than what I have when I was still employed. My state of health is great. No nausea, complete even excess sleep, good appetite, strong healthy body, with time for exercise etcs.

I have achieve my first goal in being an entrepreneur - that is to regain my health ( I gained the lbs that i lost) and to have more time in my hand. Plus resources.

My family is beginning to relate to me as someone who can make things happen. Just because I appear to be well off - being someone who always have cash on hand whenever anyone of them gets short on cash. I wasn't like that before, i was always the one borrowing.

Mom is no longer asking me to go back to employment although she's urging me to update my payment for my pension plan and get a health card so that I don't have to worry if I'll need it one day.

My elder sister, the one who's always been at the top of us all when it comes to earning, she's got an excessively high paying job says i got lucky with my businesses. A sense of approval that I never got from her before.

And on top of it all I found this guy who wants to marry me. Yes, it happened too fast. But day by day we're getting to know each other more, and I can't find any reason to complain or doubt. We've set the date - March 2010

And although life seems to be going my way I still say I haven't got it figure out, how did it happen, you know steps for success and all those stuffs. I just say, I'm happy today and I love life.

I still doubt myself, my capabilities, if i can make things work always, if jerry and I will work out in the long run, if I can stand by my commitments to my family, to the society to the world. And even if I do, will I make a difference, will it do something good, will it create a world with people happy about themselves and their lives.

Truth is, most of the time I care only about my own future and the people  I love. I hardly have time to think about other people as I say to myself that I have enough to worry about already. But then logically it is still inescapable that loving one person truly is also like loving the whole world. Like for example I love my niece angela and I am always there for her but try as I might there will be times that she'll need help from other people And I can only pray that there will be help coming her way.

How can I assure that? Maybe by doing the same thing for other people that I hardly know, to set the example, to create that kind of world, where people help people irregardless if they know each other or if they will see each other again. Paying it forward.

hmm, I'm not sure if it'll work but I'm doing that now, and don't see anything wrong with it, I help people, and they don't have to be anyone or someone- just people.

I don't need too many justifications, or reasons for doing things, I find it troublesome and doesn't get anything done. I just do things that I think is right, make amends and take responsibility for my actions that doesn't go right.

I'm still up sometimes thinking. or figuring. I may never get there. you know, figuring it all out like a buddha. reaching nirvana and touching people's live each time I passed by. But for now I'd say, I got a bigger life,  I got bigger than my life. I may not be caring at all times but I'm for a world that works for everyone. FOR EVERYONE.