The main event was utterly foolish. Rising MMA star Bobby Lashley, former real and phony wrestler, basically a big black guy who wrestled successfully in college, the type of guy who has muscles on top of his muscles, his chest looks like an ass, an Evander Holyfield type of guy only bigger and younger and more well spoken, was pitted against a guy who always loses and always taps out in the first round. The opponent, who was just there for another payday, was big Bob Sapp, the amazingly huge black guy who habitually walks into the ring wearing a white fur coat and looking like Marilyn Monroe except for the fact that he's about 6 and a half feet tall, weighs maybe 350, is black, and is a guy. Other than that, the spitting image of Marilyn Monroe.

I remember Bob Sapp from years ago, before he was a loser. He used to be a well respected giant in the MMA world. He won a fight against somebody, Mike Tyson came out of the audience to congratulate him, and Sapp went ape on Tyson. Apparently he doesn't like Tyson though they had never met, and he wanted to rip Tyson's arms out of his shoulder sockets. Methinks he doesn't like the portrait of black people that Tyson projects. Sapp himself sounds a bit like a college professor, believe it or not. Smart dude, making good money by taking fights he can't handle, and tapping out in the first round.

Why is it that MMA guys are smarter than boxers, or at least much more impressive when they speak, with perfect command of the language? Anyway these two sure are. They are kind of presidential, actually. Both of them.

Anyhoo, Lashley did the obvious thing. He knows that Sapp can't fight on the ground, never could. Sapp just stands there and throws haymakers. Why subject yourself to that? Lashley, experienced star wrestler, simply put the big man on his back and hammered him until Sapp weakly, in a feminine way, almost Hitlerian in his limp wristedness sometimes, shyly tapped out. Tap tap, you win, guy.

The co-main event featured two B List fighters, Gilbert Yvel and Pedro Rizzo, both long in the tooth by this time, both well past their prime. Rizzo (pronounce it Hizzo) used to be a pretty big deal. Yvel used to be the bad boy of MMA, the type of fighter who would bring a machete into the cage and slash the opponent's balls off. Well, slight exaggeration, but not much.

In their primes I guess Rizzo wins, but now Yvel wins. He kept hitting Rizzo in the head a lot, and after the fourth or fifth concussion, the referee decided to end the contest. This match has absolutely no relevance to the future championship of anything significant, but naturally Yvel said he wants the UFC title. My left titty. Lesnar knocks Yvel out in four seconds.

Former IFL showcase fighter Chris the babyface Polish Hammer Horodecki (pronounce it Whore a deskie) (which isn't as bad as Shogun Hua, I guess some kind of ninja call girl) fought somebody I never heard of, and choked him out, which is a new approach for the Polish Hammer. Maybe we'll have to change his name to the Polish Cobra now, since he isn't just hammering people.

Speaking of Polish Hammers, remember the pro wrestlers Mighty Igor and Ivan Putski? I remember how kindly and funny Mighty Igor was. He'd walk into the audience with a big kielbasi and share it with audience members. He played up the character of a very friendly idiot, very likeable, and then he'd beat up his opponent and make the audience happy. At some point in the 70s they stopped showing the happy go lucky kindly moron character Mighty Igor and replaced him with Ivan Putski, a not so friendly imitation working the same angle.

Brett Cooper showed his face on the tv talk show Inside MMA this week and told us the secret of winning, which is to take the business seriously. He was on this fight card and he got beaten up by someone I never heard of. Oh well. I guess he won't be invited back to Inside MMA any time soon.

The most interesting fight on the card was Affliction president Tom Atencio against someone I never heard of. You gotta admit that is a fascinating matchup worthy of pay per view. It's like seeing Donald Trump fight. Atencio always calls out Dana White, but Dana doesn't have the guts to get in the cage with Atencio. In any event, Atencio was beaten up in the first round by whatshisname, but ended up winning the second round. Then whatshisname was too tired to go out for the third round, so Atencio got the win.