Would love if that was true...More like been home cooking and bitching about everything. Its been really warm here, ok, hot and its flat out miserable. There are five of us in my little flat - Funny how hot it is, determines how bitchy I get. Yup, I'm one of those. Back home, it would push the 90's and a bit more with humidity, I headed for the closest river. Here, I have no car and I'm not about to pack my butt in to a sardine can on wheels to get to the nearest swimming hole!
Ok, enough of my whines and so on. I have found myself working with my 3 year old everyday all day since Monday. Last Sunday, I looked at my husband and told him that I would like for him to leave for at least an hour everyday so that I could work with our littlest. He agreed, and in fact is gone the biggest part of the day working on his school work.
As soon as the front door closes, I go into the room with my LO, and start talking real slow, announciating each letter and sound. I bring out the flash cards and have him repeat letters and sounds, colors and activities. Why? Simple, he could only say - car, bye bye, ice, tea, momma, bird, brother, boys, ball, and a few others. Not because he has a learning disability, but because he is the youngest, his brother is 18. Also because he is his father's first, and my mother-in-law's last (who only lives across the street. Ask me if that feels me with joy). He would point and grunt and daddy made sure he got what he wanted or needed. My LO learned quickly that daddy was the one to be with and to go to because if he came to mommy, well, she would make him work for it.
It took me fighting a nurse to realize that some things had to change, and drastically. Truth came and knocked me square on my rear. Swedish schools and society will label my son as mentally retarded. The nurse wanted to label him that. She searched for any behaviour that could be seen as mental retardation. She pushed and argues with me to try and get me to go along. For the first time in three years, I stood my ground and pushed back. God it felt good. The parting words I left her with were - "No one knows him better than his parents...no one!" Which is true....but I also knew there was nothing wrong with him. Afterall, I have spent every day of his life with him, and too, I have a brother who is mentally retarded. I know what to look for.
I realized though, that we had failed this little boy. We, as his parents didn't give him the best chances of surviving here, in a society where the littlest difference makes you stand out. My husband failed him because he was his first and he didn't want him to grow up. He wanted our son to remain a baby. In fact, that is how my husband saw our son - a small little infant. He didn't want to make him upset by making him speak, he didn't want him be mad at him or hate him. So, he catered to our darling son....gave him what he wanted...gave in to him when our little one threw tantrums, and screamed. He created a true diva.
Then there is me. I have a son from a former marriage. This son, I raised on my own. I learned that you have to help your children to grow, to stand on their own feet once in while, to be responsible for their actions, to deal with the consequences that come from those actions, and to learn. I knew that. I knew that when I would see my husband and our LO together, or when LO would grunt for something and daddy gave it to him. Or when LO should be punished for something and Daddy didn't, he would let it pass. I did nothing. I said nothing. I just watched. Why???? Simple - plain old stupid curtsy.
I'll explain that in my next blog...right now, its almost 1 in the morning and tomorrow is another freaking hot day, and another word day for my youngest.
I'll explain that in my next blog...right now, its almost 1 in the morning and tomorrow is another freaking hot day, and another word day for my youngest.
